keeping my eyes open...

I has been a long time since my last entry.

I guess the last few months, I have been attempting to come to turms with my experience here. Its different from my time in Japan in so many ways. Living in a city like Guangzhou has been an even more eye opening experience. At times, I don't know how to express to people at home what I see on a daily basis or what I feel. I seemingly can't give a voice to what I experience here some days. What inspired me to write this entry is a book I have been reading lately, called River Town by Peter Hessler.

Peter spent 2 years living in the remote town of Fuling, in Sichuan province in China. He speaks of his students and how he came to know Fuling throug them. He also speaks of his experiences of being amoung the few foreigners living here.

"...This was intimidating, because never in my life had I been watched so closely that every actions was replayed and evaluated. Everything we did was talked and written about. Every quirk or habit was laid bare. Students spoke about that way I always carried a water bottle to class; they spoke about how I paced the classroom as I taught; they spoke about my laugh, which they found ridiculous. They wrote about my foreign nose, which impressed them as impossibly long and straight, and many of them spoke about my blue eyes. This was perhaps the strangest detail of all, because my eyes are hazel - but, my students had read that foreigners had blue eyes, and they saw what they wanted to see. Mostly they wanted to see all of the outside world condensed into these two young waiguoren, which was what foreigners were called in Fuling."

He later described how he could not judge the students for their thoughts at the beginning of his experience there. Their background was too far removed from his.

As I read this book on my way to work most days, I feel as though I'm beginning to find my voice again. Realizing that the sometimes all consuming, ever present reality of living in China is not meant to be experienced in isolation. But, it is sure easy to feel this way. Many of Peter's experiences echo my own. Its sometimes impossible to camoflage yourself when living in China. You walk down the street and you feel peoples eyes on you. You drink your tea, and peoples eyes are on you. You make a mistake, and people will laugh. Sometimes, you just want to hide.

One thing recently that I have learned, is that every moment of my time here is a teachable moment. I am learning that China has opened its doors only recently, and being a developing country has its and signs and symptoms. I'm learning that China really is in fact and ancient country, full of mysteries and beautiful traditional culture. And I am just beginning to realize what an incredible gift it is to participate in this ever changing country. Now, the men who walk while rubbing their bare bellies, the elderly who do taichi in the park every monday, the workers who walk with the bamboo sticks on their back, the man who sleeps outside the train station and the men with the impossibly large loads on their bicycles...are beginning to teach me something valuable.

This realization also came after watching the opening ceremonies for this years Beijing Olympics. To sit amoung my students, as the ceremony was happening, in China, brought this culture to life. To see students stand as the national athem played and cheer at the Chinese team entered I began to see what I was participating in. All of a sudden, China was brought to life and put on display. The scope of this country, the minority culture, the art, the history...I want take it in. Allow this experience to wash over me, and continue learning and keeping my eyes open.

the monk...

My recent vacation took me to Shaoguan, a small city in the northern part of Guangdong province. Knowing very little about this lovely little getaway, my friends and I took the 2 hr bus ride to arrive to the beautiful countryside, surrounded by mountains.

The weekend was filled with soaking in hotsprings, long hikes in the mountains, trying local food in someones house, and lots of laughter that comes with being seemingly the only foreigner in this place. One place in particular made a memorable impression on me...Namhua Temple.

Over the last couple years, I have seen some of the most incredible and unique temples in parts of Asia that are timeless. Each has its own story, its own history and special surroundings. Namhua is no different. Only this temple had monks dwelling inside, which gave it a whole other character. I was talking to my friend about my curiosity for how monks lived and what their rooms might be like inside. Just as I was saying this, a man in a dark robe walked passed with keys in his hand.

We proceeded to ask this man if it would be alright to look inside his quarters. He welcomed us in with an inviting gesture. As we entered, his humble room was just as I had imagined it would be. A simple single bed, an old stone floor, numerous books and a small notebook at his bedside. My friend Renee graciously translated for me. He told us every morning he gets up at 4am to meditate and he does this, only taking 15 minute breaks, until 12midnight. As I look around me, I couldn't believe I was standing in a place that had been existing for over a thousand years and the monks living here live purely to meditate and tend to the grounds here.

Is it possible to live this simply? This monk was a living example of this. One thought that China is affording me is how can I simplify my life. How can I life for only what is important? Meeting this monk gave me a perspective that I have never had before. Coming back into the city, I thought how different it looked and almost strange. The buildings seemed unusually tall, and the sky grey. As I made my way back to my apartment, I took off my shoes, cleaned my room and got rid of some clothes I hadn't worn in a while, organized my books, and wrote in my journal. Finding it hard to put words on the page.

dinner with a doctor

Tonight, I had a dinner like none other in a small restraunt, next to a temple in a local area of Guangzhou. Sitting amoung me were two students who I now call friends. One woman, Ada, had helped me a few weeks ago when I needed to go to the doctors. She was not only a helpful friend, but a translator for me as well. During my brief visit to the hospital, we met Dr.Gao, a middle aged man, who, despite the misleading grungy surroundings of the hosptial, reassured me with his wise smile that he would be able to help me. Not only did he help me, but we had a great conversation - he asked me where I was from and what I thought about China. We exchanged buisiness cards and said to each other that we should meet for dinner, as he seemed very eager to practice his english. I thought nothing of it, and went along my way.

So, tonight, in this small restraunt, near a temple, my 2 friends, the doctor and I enjoyed a meal together and perhaps one of the most memorable conversations I have had.

As we were sitting there, enjoying some traditional Cantonese food, I was thinking to myself...I would never do this back home. Have dinner with my doctor! What? I was explaining this to Dr.Gao, "In Canada, its not really considered doctor-patient protocol. We come to see you, get better and then go home." The look on his face was one of shock, he said "But, why??? When I meet with my patients at work - I am their doctor. But, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I consider us to be equals with each other." I thought about this and I love China for this reason that the conventions that I have grown up with are being challenged, and as we continued our conversation, I did infact realize that we were equals.

We talked a little about traditional Chinese and Modern medicine and his feelings about this. We discussed his experiences in the hospital and a little about the Chinese healthcare system. He told me that although he doesn't have a religion he practices, he says that he can't help but feel we were all created by something greater than ourselves. He used the example of when I came to see him with my ear problem. He said that the ear has a very intrict and complex nature. There is just a small enough space that it really can only be observed from this place. He said in the 17 years he has worked at this hospital, he has experienced many things that he could not really explain. He then joked to me, "Like, meeting you for example!"

The four of us discussed Chinese culture, history and philosophy. We spoke of evolution and creationism. We exchanged in each others languages, and as we sat there, our meal finished and our tea still hot, I felt so lucky and honored to be sitting next to these people. Trying to remember the Chinese tradition of always keeping your neighbors cup full, I managed to do this and try to take in as much information as I could while listening to the doctor.

There are moments in life, I think, where something is revealed through other people. We begin to not only hear what people are saying, but we attempt to listen to the meaning behind these words. I felt myself so intrigued by their stories, their experiences and how they expressed themselves.

So, I now have a friend who is also my doctor. And, this is ok with me. Its all part of the randommess this country brings. Through this, I'm really learning in fact how unconventional and approachable China can actually be, if you allow yourself to be open and friendly to people. Today was a good day in China.

the morning after mourning...

Quite frequently, when I sit down to write, I put on this song: Al Otro Lado del Rio

I recently found out that the title translated from Spanish is "The other side of the river." I have listened to this song for past 6months, and have been unaware of the lyrics for this entire time. All I know is that this piece of music somehow helps me to get my thoughts straight, and gives me a perspective that I have never had before. As soon as I hear the opening of this music, I find myself slowing down and paying attention to my thoughts and maybe the things I have learned from the day.

I first heard this song after watching the movie "The Motorcycle Diaries." Since watching the scene where Che swims to the other side of the river to be with the people he cares about...I secretly wanted to be like that. I wanted to be in that water, swimming as best as I could, knowing that what lies on the other side was authenticity and friendship. During the past week, after the earthquake in Sichuan, there have be moments of horror, mourning, chills, victories and miracles. In the midst of all this, I had no idea what the best response would be. I think it certainly puts life into perspective and is a sobering reminder of the the things that are important. In the last three days, I have thought about this. And this is what I have come up with:

1. live for something bigger than yourself.
2. extend care to others where you have the power to.
3. be thankful for every little gift, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
4. remind yourself of people who love and care about you.
5. remind yourself to care for the people who love and care about you.
6. listen.
7. have people in your life to help grow your talents.
8. do what you love
9. work towards something.
10. explore the other side of things.


I don't know if I will ever fully actualize any of these things. I'd like to think that I try. There is nothing like an earthquake to remind yourself that life really is fragile. Being in China has heightened this. These are the things I want to dedicate myself to. Well, the things I hope to dedicate myself to.

As I sit here and listen to the song I speak of, I don't know the words of the music, but I feel like I somehow do. The melody lets me know that everything is going to be ok, and the atmosphere that exists currently in China will pass. Why is it often tragic events that cause us to examine our lives? I wish I didn't take life for granted like I sometimes do. It really is worth savouring. Everyday. Every moment. I just wish this thought hadn't come after the fact that so many peoples lives were taken.

For the people of Sichuan.

sichuan earthquake

Today, there was an earthquake in the south western part of China. I found out through an email from a friend asking me if I was ok. I am safe and sound in my bed at the moment. I wasn't aware this even happened until just a short while ago. It is now 1am in the morning. Apparently, the earthquake happened in Sichuan province, close to the city of Chengdu at around 2:30pm this afternoon. I still know very little about all this. Only that the death toll is at an estimated 8500. I think many of my friends in China and I are just finding out about this now. This is bizarre. I'm not sure what to think at this moment.

Here I was worrying about my own, stupid problems today. I was just planning a trip to Chengdu with a friend (his hometown) at the end of this month, and something inside of me was telling me that I shouldn't be going, so I cancelled the trip yesterday. And then this happens today...

What should be our response? What can I do with myself? This is scary. I live in this country. I will need to face my students tommorrow, many of them have family and friends there. This is overwhelming...

the flame of the torch...

A few days ago, the Olympic Torch came to Guangzhou. There were many preparations around Guangzhou - including all the security and signage that comes with a big even like this. For the longest time, it didn't really seem and even like this would actually happen, since things in China often take place in what feels like a bubble. When I came into work that day, the excitement in the air was paliatable, mostly due to the students waving flags and many were wearing red as a symbol of luck for China.

I remember thinking to myself what an incredible time to be in this country. I not only could see something like this on tv, but I could stand on the street, be surrounded by waving flags and the excitement of Chinese people. I was worried that I might not be able to see it because I had a class scheduled at this time, but my student and I were honest with each other and said we would much rather go outside and see this incredible event. As soon as we stepped outside, the excitement in the air was as thick as the humidity. I saw children on their parents shoulders, teenagers with the China flag painted on their face, and crowds of people anxiously waiting on the side of the road. It was one of the first days here where I could actually see blue sky. My hair stood on end as I looked around and waited.

And then the moment came. Peoples cheering started to become louder, and louder. Hands began to clap, and flags were waved even higher. It was almost as if royality was on its way. Despite being a few rows behind from the street, through a small whole in the midst of the crowd, the torch bearer appeared. I could see his flame and as he ran he waved his hand proudly in the air. Watching this with a few of my students made this sight even more memorable. It was like something happening in slow motion. History was happening before my eyes.

To see a country come together like this, watching people's excitement and anticipation, gave me a refreshing perspective on my time here in China. I have the chance to be apart of this time of expectation, waiting for something grand and glorious.

qinyuan...

This weekend was a rest. A retreat. A time to enjoy with friends and relish in nature and sit back and enjoy the hotsprings of a place call Qinyuan (ching-u-en).

Just a few hrs outside Guangzhou, this city is what people call the "backyard" of Guangzhou. I immediately found out why. Lush, green fields, less traffic, fresh air and hotsprings. My friends and I stayed at a lovely hotel where we could spend time soaking in the hot water and , and also have the chance to enjoy good conversation, a cold beer and good food. While I thought it might be a chance to feel anonymous for a while, I knew this was out the window when I found out I was the only foreigner at the entire facility. This is always the inevitability we face in China. Still, I just enjoyed myself and once I dipped myself in the hot water, I was reminded I was on vacation, and everything melted away.

One thing I love about living in this country, I never know what I will do from day to day. Take gorge drifting for example! Part of our vacation involved going in a small rubber raft down rushing waters in the middle of a gorge in the mountains! Here I am, surrounded by thousands of Chinese people, wearing a ridiculous helmet and having the time of my life as my friend and I make it down the gorge. I realized I hadn't screamed and laughed like that in what seemed like so long. It was a complete adventure!

Even, as all of us were driving back in the car along the highway, I fely like I was back in Canada with good friends, just coming back from a trip to the mountains. The open road, a comforting sunset and music in our ears. Going on vacation, even if just overnight, seems to release something inside us. We recognize ourselves again, and we begin to lend ourselves to adventure or simply the chance to relax freely.