considering the lilies...

I feel as though I have somehow returned to myself again...

I think in China it is quite possible to lose part of yourself here. Or maybe alot of yourself. Little complications, delays, hardships can seem all consuming. Having a sense of normalicy can seem so far away and without the comfort of familiar things, you feel scattered.

Just in the last 2 days have I begun to feel on top of things. I had a comforting conversation with my parents this morning, my apartment finally feels like a real home, I have undertaken Chinese lessons, and am looking into playing the keys at a pub here and finally feel more settled in my job. I now feel like I'm at a point where China has begun to be more kind to me. I have realized that there will be days that I love this country, and days where I hate this country. But, like any love/hate relationship, they are often the ones that are the deepest in our lives.

The other day when I was coming home from teaching, I felt myself having this uncontrollable grin on my face. I thought of the events of day, moments with the students that made me laugh until my sides hurt and chances to be a light in a dark corner to someone. I feel so lucky and priveledged to be at this point in my life. Here I am, in a foreign country, where I speak very little of the language and I'm attempting to make a life for myself. Somehow, there have been little reminders and little signs of encouragement that let me know that I am exactly where I need to be.

A friend reminded me the other day that when we made the decision to move away for a while, it seemed like a no brainer. Of course! How could we not seize an oppourtunity like this. But, when it comes to deciding what type of clothes to wear from day to day, why is this the most daunting task? It has made me realize that I don't need to worry about small things like that. Life is more than the clothes we wear, the kinds of coffee we drink, or the number of times we change the colour of our hair. I think this is a lesson I am re-learning daily.

Today was a good day in China.