Wow, these past two weeks have been a total whirl-wind. I can't believe all that has happened. I've moved into my apartment, sorting out the details of my job, meeting people left right and centre, and attempting to adjust to life in this fast paced city. There are some things I have learned about myself in this process:
1. I am completely comfortable living on my own. I think I avoided this for so long because I was afraid of the "l" word: loneliness. But, turns out that I feel more like myself. I can create the kind of space that I desire, and be totally free. I don't know why I really avoided this before.
2. I'm still a little paranoid. Hearing sounds, creeks, or smelling foreign smells in my apartment makes me antsy. Especially when I don't have anyone to ask them about, or sus things out with. I'm learning though that a little paranoia is a healthy thing. At least, I'm trying to convince myself it is
3. I have become strangely more responsible in the last 2 weeks. I'm starting to take vitamins (weird), clean up after myself, and cook...actually cook.
4. I LOVE to walk. I could walk hrs in this city and not be tired. I walked to the train station this morning, and I loved the view from every direction. Beijing is a city of amazing architecture and interesting alleyways, and I want to see them all.
5. There is a fruit vendor down the street, and just seeing his children makes me want to buy more fruit and give it to them.
6. I finally am able to articulate to myself that I see life as possibility, and not as drudgery.
7. I have the best friends and family in the world, that no matter where I am in the world, they support me and ask me how I am doing, and we manage to stay in each others life.
8. Having my own apartment has been the best thing ever for me.
I can't wait to see what this next year has in store. I finally feel settled, ready and waiting.
Beijing, here I am. God, here I am.
3 comments:
Your note is so encouraging. You've made some more important steps: moving to Beijing and into your own apartment, working with completely new people and becoming increasingly committed to your teaching. I look forward to even more of your photography. Love Dad
I like this. I would love to see you there in it all. I miss you.
also, i like the new look. I was thinking about changing up the look of my blog, but now everyone will think I'm just copying you because you're the coolest blog on the block.
Jane - I know how it is to suddenly have your own place and feel like a grown up, responsible and more balanced. Welcome to the single-ladies-who-will-choke-to-death-alone-in-their-apartments-and-be-found-days-later-half-eaten-by-cats club :) Fabulous!
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