refined

Tonight, as I was riding my bicycle home from work, a song came on in my ears:

I don't know what the future holds

Or what lies beyond my horizon

The years ahead are just out of sight
Well, I think sometimes that You hide them
So that I'll walk by faith not sight
So I'll take Your hand, holding tight

Through twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

My one desire for the road ahead
Is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You're my everything
May I stay by Your side forever
For when my heart's afraid, You're near
Whispering to my soul, 'don't fear'

And I will trust in You alone
For You're the hand leading me home
Leading me home.

I've spent twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters with You
Through all of the seasons
And my search for reasons
You’ve carried me through
I will keep holding on to You

(Vicky Beeching)

While I feel like I am growing further and further away from cookie cutter Christian songs, the lyrics to this one brought me perspective on my experiences here. I’m in my 26^th summer, and I feel more aware than ever about a hand that has been leading me through the experiences I have been having in my life. Every season, every moment has been for a reason. I’ve lived away from home for the past 3 years now, and my life has changed and is being changed in ways I never thought possible. My ideas about everything are being challenged. I’ve stepped into myself, in a way, but I’ve also stepped back and taken a good look.

I’ve learned to value things more. To listen to experiences and people. Most of all, I’ve learned to listen to myself more.

Just one of those days again, where I’m reflecting on my time here. Life still continues to be rich. My worldview is constantly being shifted and challenged. Its hard some days. Really hard. But, so good. My life is being refined.