Yesterday, I went to a photograpy exhibit here in Guangzhou. The featured photographer had spent time in some of the most local and remote parts of China, living with the people and getting to know their stories and families.
These black and white photos were a sobering reminder of the poverty, and the same time the intense community that exists in parts of this country. The photographer had an obvious compassionate eye towards his subjects, including a small description of their life. He had spent time in a mental institution, visiting the patients. Some where locked in their rooms, others left sitting along in hallways, and some left without clothing. The photographer seemed to capture the timeless, empty expressions of those that China has not really given heed to.
Other images were of small Catholic communities found here - photos of small church groups having a service on a hill, a funeral service for a 4 year old child, portraits of women with wrinkled faces and a single candle lit in a small room praying before a cross. One thing I noticed in each of the pictures was the closeness of the people. The proximity shared by the members of the communities. Whether the photographer took pictures of workers sleeping in a field, or worshipping together in a house, or gathering around a elder who was about to pass away, all members were shown close together. All they seemingly have is each other and their faith.
Sometimes I think, in the West, we have alot of our priorities mixed up. Especially sometimes in religious sectors. We are concerned with the style of music, with pleasing people, and often trying to make oursleves look like something we are not. Why do we do this? It seems like this kind of effort is so wasted. It can cause us to take our faith for granted. We forget the value of people and community. I don't have any wise insights nor have I come to any grand conclusions after seeing these images of the very local China, but I feel different somehow. Like I don't want to take anything for granted ever again.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
re-collecting
The other day I was sitting in a cafe close to my apartment and I hear a couple speaking Japanese. And I was brought back to a familiar time. Remembering the time I had spent there was valuable and hearing this language again reminded me that this experience is making an impact on me as well, but leaving a different sort of mark.
One of my friends here is about to leave China and go back to Canada. She is wondering if she has changed or if things will feel different when she gets home. This is the hardest question to answer. Change is one of the hardest things to measure, I think. For those of you reading this who have spent sometime in another country for a while or an environment that is unfamiliar to you, you can't really say to people, "Oh yes, I have changed." Often we can only feel this change inside of us. And, it is this change that is often the hardest thing to articulate to people.
I think it sometimes manifests itself in the ambiguity we feel when doing the same tasks we did before, but they seem like they are being done for the first time. Its like everything has to be relearned. You seemingly become a child again, questioning every taken for granted activity and value that you have come to know your whole life. If you allow yourself to become open to a country or its people, your thought process begins to change. Things that used to stress me out a year and a half ago, no longer do. Things I used to do a year and a half ago, I no longer do. People who are important in my life, have become even more so. Sounds I used to never hear before, are now what I want to tune my ears to. Sights I have never seen before, have caused me to see myself differently.
Recently, I have been reading "The Kite Runner," which is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I try to read it whenever I have a spare moment - on the metro to work, before bed or walking to my apartment. I find myself being lost in the story and feel disappointed everytime I must put the book down. I want to smell every page, experience every page, and let the story wash over me. I'm not sure why I'm talking about this exactly, but with every turn of the pages I begin to anticipate the events of this story and the changes that occur in the characters. With every turn of the page, the story becomes more complex and intricate. Have only lived in China for a little over 2 months and the story of this country and my experience of it keep evolving and changing . I think I come to one conclusion about this country, and another experience causes me to re-think my conclusions. And I often have to re collect myself at the end of the day.
I think its the act of re-collecting ourselves that causes us to look at the individual pieces of our lives in order to find the answers to the questions that we maybe knew all along. Now in China, I fee like the very nature of the questions I have been asking previous to this, are beginning to change.
One of my friends here is about to leave China and go back to Canada. She is wondering if she has changed or if things will feel different when she gets home. This is the hardest question to answer. Change is one of the hardest things to measure, I think. For those of you reading this who have spent sometime in another country for a while or an environment that is unfamiliar to you, you can't really say to people, "Oh yes, I have changed." Often we can only feel this change inside of us. And, it is this change that is often the hardest thing to articulate to people.
I think it sometimes manifests itself in the ambiguity we feel when doing the same tasks we did before, but they seem like they are being done for the first time. Its like everything has to be relearned. You seemingly become a child again, questioning every taken for granted activity and value that you have come to know your whole life. If you allow yourself to become open to a country or its people, your thought process begins to change. Things that used to stress me out a year and a half ago, no longer do. Things I used to do a year and a half ago, I no longer do. People who are important in my life, have become even more so. Sounds I used to never hear before, are now what I want to tune my ears to. Sights I have never seen before, have caused me to see myself differently.
Recently, I have been reading "The Kite Runner," which is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I try to read it whenever I have a spare moment - on the metro to work, before bed or walking to my apartment. I find myself being lost in the story and feel disappointed everytime I must put the book down. I want to smell every page, experience every page, and let the story wash over me. I'm not sure why I'm talking about this exactly, but with every turn of the pages I begin to anticipate the events of this story and the changes that occur in the characters. With every turn of the page, the story becomes more complex and intricate. Have only lived in China for a little over 2 months and the story of this country and my experience of it keep evolving and changing . I think I come to one conclusion about this country, and another experience causes me to re-think my conclusions. And I often have to re collect myself at the end of the day.
I think its the act of re-collecting ourselves that causes us to look at the individual pieces of our lives in order to find the answers to the questions that we maybe knew all along. Now in China, I fee like the very nature of the questions I have been asking previous to this, are beginning to change.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
considering the lilies...
I feel as though I have somehow returned to myself again...
I think in China it is quite possible to lose part of yourself here. Or maybe alot of yourself. Little complications, delays, hardships can seem all consuming. Having a sense of normalicy can seem so far away and without the comfort of familiar things, you feel scattered.
Just in the last 2 days have I begun to feel on top of things. I had a comforting conversation with my parents this morning, my apartment finally feels like a real home, I have undertaken Chinese lessons, and am looking into playing the keys at a pub here and finally feel more settled in my job. I now feel like I'm at a point where China has begun to be more kind to me. I have realized that there will be days that I love this country, and days where I hate this country. But, like any love/hate relationship, they are often the ones that are the deepest in our lives.
The other day when I was coming home from teaching, I felt myself having this uncontrollable grin on my face. I thought of the events of day, moments with the students that made me laugh until my sides hurt and chances to be a light in a dark corner to someone. I feel so lucky and priveledged to be at this point in my life. Here I am, in a foreign country, where I speak very little of the language and I'm attempting to make a life for myself. Somehow, there have been little reminders and little signs of encouragement that let me know that I am exactly where I need to be.
A friend reminded me the other day that when we made the decision to move away for a while, it seemed like a no brainer. Of course! How could we not seize an oppourtunity like this. But, when it comes to deciding what type of clothes to wear from day to day, why is this the most daunting task? It has made me realize that I don't need to worry about small things like that. Life is more than the clothes we wear, the kinds of coffee we drink, or the number of times we change the colour of our hair. I think this is a lesson I am re-learning daily.
Today was a good day in China.
I think in China it is quite possible to lose part of yourself here. Or maybe alot of yourself. Little complications, delays, hardships can seem all consuming. Having a sense of normalicy can seem so far away and without the comfort of familiar things, you feel scattered.
Just in the last 2 days have I begun to feel on top of things. I had a comforting conversation with my parents this morning, my apartment finally feels like a real home, I have undertaken Chinese lessons, and am looking into playing the keys at a pub here and finally feel more settled in my job. I now feel like I'm at a point where China has begun to be more kind to me. I have realized that there will be days that I love this country, and days where I hate this country. But, like any love/hate relationship, they are often the ones that are the deepest in our lives.
The other day when I was coming home from teaching, I felt myself having this uncontrollable grin on my face. I thought of the events of day, moments with the students that made me laugh until my sides hurt and chances to be a light in a dark corner to someone. I feel so lucky and priveledged to be at this point in my life. Here I am, in a foreign country, where I speak very little of the language and I'm attempting to make a life for myself. Somehow, there have been little reminders and little signs of encouragement that let me know that I am exactly where I need to be.
A friend reminded me the other day that when we made the decision to move away for a while, it seemed like a no brainer. Of course! How could we not seize an oppourtunity like this. But, when it comes to deciding what type of clothes to wear from day to day, why is this the most daunting task? It has made me realize that I don't need to worry about small things like that. Life is more than the clothes we wear, the kinds of coffee we drink, or the number of times we change the colour of our hair. I think this is a lesson I am re-learning daily.
Today was a good day in China.
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