refined

Tonight, as I was riding my bicycle home from work, a song came on in my ears:

I don't know what the future holds

Or what lies beyond my horizon

The years ahead are just out of sight
Well, I think sometimes that You hide them
So that I'll walk by faith not sight
So I'll take Your hand, holding tight

Through twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

My one desire for the road ahead
Is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You're my everything
May I stay by Your side forever
For when my heart's afraid, You're near
Whispering to my soul, 'don't fear'

And I will trust in You alone
For You're the hand leading me home
Leading me home.

I've spent twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters with You
Through all of the seasons
And my search for reasons
You’ve carried me through
I will keep holding on to You

(Vicky Beeching)

While I feel like I am growing further and further away from cookie cutter Christian songs, the lyrics to this one brought me perspective on my experiences here. I’m in my 26^th summer, and I feel more aware than ever about a hand that has been leading me through the experiences I have been having in my life. Every season, every moment has been for a reason. I’ve lived away from home for the past 3 years now, and my life has changed and is being changed in ways I never thought possible. My ideas about everything are being challenged. I’ve stepped into myself, in a way, but I’ve also stepped back and taken a good look.

I’ve learned to value things more. To listen to experiences and people. Most of all, I’ve learned to listen to myself more.

Just one of those days again, where I’m reflecting on my time here. Life still continues to be rich. My worldview is constantly being shifted and challenged. Its hard some days. Really hard. But, so good. My life is being refined.

beijing bicycle

So, I bought a bicycle.

And my world has changed again.

When I lived in Japan, having a bicycle represented so much for me. It meant I could go anywhere. Going where I pleased. Stopping where I pleased. Bringing my camera and doing whatever to my hearts content. It changed my experience of living in Japan. I had no idea how much I actually missed it until I bought one here just a few days ago. Bejing by bicycle is epic. Already, the way I see this city has changed completely.

There is that song – the one that says, “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing.” I love that I have become apart of these millions of bicycles. As I make my way to work now, Beijing is seemingly at my fingertips. I work in the heart of the city, on Changan Avenue – a place where emperors have strolled, protestors have marched, and torch bearers have ran. When I turn the corner onto this wide street, I can’t help but get goose bumps and consider all that has happened here.

The beautiful thing about Beijing is that it is completely flat and you can literally ride for hours and not feel exhausted. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’m the only one in the bike lane and weaving through traffic is more of a breeze. After work the other night, I had my camera with me and I made my way to the Forbidden City to take a few pictures. I can’t believe I’m riding these streets. Seeing these places.

I’m realizing that there is no other way to experience this city. Riding a bicycle in Beijing is like tasting that favourite red lollipop when you were a child. You wanted ever inch of it, and you would always search the bottom of the package to see if there was more.

I hope to continue to explore every corner and mysterious street here.

beijing bicycle

So, I bought a bicycle.

And my world has changed again.

When I lived in Japan, having a bicycle represented so much for me. It meant I could go anywhere. Going where I pleased. Stopping where I pleased. Bringing my camera and doing whatever to my hearts content. It changed my experience of living in Japan. I had no idea how much I actually missed it until I bought one here just a few days ago. Bejing by bicycle is epic. Already, the way I see this city has changed completely.

There is that song – the one that says, “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing.” I love that I have become apart of these millions of bicycles. As I make my way to work now, Beijing is seemingly at my fingertips. I work in the heart of the city, on Changan Avenue – a place where emperors have strolled, protestors have marched, and torch bearers have ran. When I turn the corner onto this wide street, I can’t help but get goose bumps and consider all that has happened here.

The beautiful thing about Beijing is that it is completely flat and you can literally ride for hours and not feel exhausted. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’m the only one in the bike lane and weaving through traffic is more of a breeze. After work the other night, I had my camera with me and I made my way to the Forbidden City to take a few pictures. I can’t believe I’m riding these streets. Seeing these places.

I’m realizing that there is no other way to experience this city. Riding a bicycle in Beijing is like tasting that favourite red lollipop when you were a child. You wanted ever inch of it, and you would always search the bottom of the package to see if there was more.

I hope to continue to explore every corner and mysterious street here.

65 questions...

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked
(Hey, I got the time today)

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my teeth, actually.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
white

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
You don’t have to ask me twice! Yes, please.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Yes, and then I change my mind.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
relaxed.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
my mandarin phrase book, that is collecting dust. Sad.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I remember being lost. And it was fun.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yeah, I met 3 new people!

9. What are you craving right now?
Steak. Always steak. I live in China. I can’t find good steak.

10. Do you floss?
Well, sometimes.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
…patch kids.

12. Are you emotional?
its my middle name.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Whenever I wait in line in China.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I’m a biter.

15. Do you like your hair?
Its going through the “ugly” phrase right now. Trying to grow it long, in the blistering heat of Beijing summer. I am insane.

16. Do you like yourself?
Yes, yes I do.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
No, I can’t say that I would.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Coldplays “Viva La Vida” – adore this song.

19. Are your parents strict?
No, they have always given me room to breathe. I appreciate them more and more.

20. Would you go sky diving?
Well, not sure. I sometimes need people to push me, so I would have to have the right person beside me.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Just the thought of this makes me miss home. I heart fromage-cottage.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Well, apparently I did at a bar a few months ago in Guangzhou. I got to shake a famous Guangdong actor’s hand and cheers with him. I don’t know his name though – Wang Lei (maybe?).

23. Do you rent movies often?
Yep. I love movies! Especially the romantic kind.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My earrings and, well, me. Ha.ha.

25. How many countries have you visited?
I think almost 20. I had to get a new passport a few months ago. It was full.

26. Do you like dogs?
They are growing on me.

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes, many. I like traveling by train.

28. Brown or white eggs?
White all the way.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes.

30. Do you use chap stick?
“Dude, my lips hurt real bad.”

31. Do you own a gun?
Nope.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yep. Been using them for the past 3 years!

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Some students are taking me for hot pot! Fun!

34. Are you too forgiving?
Forgiving, I think so. Too forgiving? Not sure.

35. Ever been in love?
That’s for me to know ;)

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
One is traveling around Peru, another one is checking people’s eyes!

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep.

38. Last time you cried?
This morning. And I loved it.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Actually, I just asked my grocery lady in Chinese, “Are you from Beijing?”

40. Favorite time of the year?
Fall. I heart scarves. Also seeing both Japan and China in the fall has made me “fall” in love with this season.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
I’ve been brainstorming these last few years. I think I’ve come up with one. But, that’s for you to find out.

42. Are you sarcastic?
With the people I’m close to, yeah.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Better – I’ve tripped up stairs.

45. Favorite color?
ocean blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
I mentally slap people on the subway everyday.

47. Is your hair curly?
When it wants to be.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
some sort of Mongolian music.

49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but there are not the most important.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I’m called to, but that’s a tough one.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Nope.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Oh, yes! I love it. I have to say, I’ve always loved my life.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No.

54. Can you handle the truth?
I think so. How do you know when you see it or hear it though?

55. Do you have good vision?
Yes, thank you. Someone once asked me, “Jane, when you die, can I have your eyeballs?” ha.ha.

56. Do you hate/dislike more than three people?
I’m going to be honest, yes. Just dislike though.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
I skype home fairly often. And I talk to friends here in BJ almost everyday. But, I always have to prepare myself before I call people. I dunno. I just do.

58. The last person you held hands with?
Yes, what about them?

59. What are you wearing?
Black tank top, hoop earrings, my jeans.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Hamster. I baby sat two a while back. When you put them in their little ball to run around – it is so cute.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
my apartment.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Honey, these hips can do more than just hula hoop!

63. Do you have a job?
Yeppers. And I can’t believe I get paid for it. It is THAT fun!

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
My new bicycle! I’m calling her “Bessie”

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, when I was locked out of my family’s house. I’m creative in finding other routes to get to places.