Tales from Tibet: The First 48 Hours.

(some names of places/names have been ** to ensure anonymity)

My journey begins on the train from Beijing to Lhasa. I can’t believe after all my preparation that the trip is finally here. I’ve got my warm mittens, my long underwear and took my last dose of altitude pills. I made it to Beijing’s West Station, where I caught the train at 9:30pm. I can’t believe in just a matter of 48 hrs, I journeyed from the east to the west of China. Since moving to this country almost 3 years ago and hearing so much about Tibet – it’s mystery and beauty, I knew that I would eventually travel here some day. This dream has finally come true. I knew it the moment I stepped onto the platform and saw the sign on the train: BeijingXi à Lhasa. This trip hasn’t come without anxiety either. I wasn’t sure I should travel with a friend or do this trip on my own. Ultimately, I felt that this was a place I needed to discover on my own terms, while still hiring a local guide to be with me for the next 8-10 days. But, I could decide where we would go, how long we would stay there.

I decided to splurge and go with the soft sleeper. It was a little extra, but this meant that I had nice sheets, a tv, a closing door, and extra oxygen if needed (the cabin is pressurized, so when we reach altitudes of nearly 5000m, I would be sure to survive.) My three bunk mates arrived. In my broken Mandarin, I learned that they were from Beijing were going to Germu (in Qinghai province) on business. I also learned early on they were quite friendly – offering me food, drinks and cigarettes, even though I’m not a smoker. They were so comfortable, in fact, that one of them even sat on my bunk in his underwear, while I wasn’t there. When I returned, they inquired about the authenticity of my blonde hair, and watched me carefully as I wrote in my journal with my left hand (being left handed in China apparently quite a novelty).

I read for a while, then turned over and nestled in for a good nights sleep.

The guy in his underwear began to snore. I’m off to a good start.

I was up early the next morning to the sound of one of the attendants announcing breakfast. I make my way to the restaurant car, and look out the window and am pleasantly surprised to see rolling hills, the absence of tall buildings and a sun drenched sky. Out of polluted Beijing. The day also brought with it new faces. I met a fellow Canadian, 65 years old, who told me about his adventures traveling around the world mostly by train. Also exchanged some stories with two Latvians who were going to stop by Mount Everest on their trip. I get the impression that a unique kind of traveler comes to this place.

The hours seem to go by in minutes, as the scenery outside the window is constantly changing – flat grass land one minute, rice paddies the next. Passing by the city of Xian later in the day, a place I had been to about a year ago with my family. This time, I was seeing only the perimeter of the city wall, decorated with red lanterns.

My only agenda: sit, read, listen to music, write, take the occasional photo and enjoy the passing scenery. I couldn’t peel myself away from the book -“The He*venly Man” – a true story of a Chr*stian mission*ry in China. While China’s scenery was unfolding before my eyes, so was the reality of this man’s story. The best book I could possibly bring with me on a trip like this. This is the beauty of traveling by train, you have hours of time at your disposal. And on this occasion, I also had time to adjust to the ever increasing altitude. My ears were already popping.

I noticed how the scenery became increasingly varied the higher and higher we got. That afternoon, I saw incredible jagged mountains, grasslands, and small villages. Before I knew it, the afternoon passed and we are into the next evening. It’s just 8pm, and “Mr.Underwear,” as I am affectionately calling him, has already snuggled in for the night. I opened my China travel book to semi prepare myself for the things I will be seeing and doing. 10:30. My eyes began to get droopy, so I turned of my little light. The cabin… completely dark…and yet, a new light shone through the window…

…A full moon and the most incredible starry host I have ever seen in my life. By this point, I really started to notice how high up we actually were: the tops of the mountains were seemingly at eye level, and the sky actually looked closer, as if I could just pick any star and put it in my pocket. People who have traveled to Tibet before have told me, and I began to understand, that it isn’t called “the rooftop of the world” for nothing. All of heaven was seemingly displayed before my eyes.

The next morning, I woke up and heard and announcement that we had finally reached the Tibetan Plateau – which means that we had climbed up to an altitude over 4000m. That is high people! I opened the curtain and it looked desolate. Like no civilization had even touched these parts of China. All I could see was beautiful snow capped mountains, sheep, goats, and yaks! I went to brush my teeth, and wash my face – I opened my tube of tooth paste and facewash - poof! They exploded! I got back to my cabin, and had to sit down cause I noticed I felt a little sick to my stomach and a little dizzy.

We stopped next to Namsto Lake, the worlds highest saltwater lake. Its hard to tell where the lake ends and the sky begins. It is so vast. Everyone on the train stopped to peer out the window to take pictures. Now I really feel like I’m on top of the world. The scenery after this point continued to blow me away. Tibetan homes began to appear in the countryside, the sky is story-book blue, and Lhasa is on the horizon. I would soon be arriving in the capital of Tibet.

Its October 7th in Beijing!

Its my birthday. And I get my own song! Even the lyrics kind of apply...a little.

Jane you say it's all over for you and me, girl
There's a time for love and a time for letting it be, baby
Jane you're playin a game called...
Called hard to get by its real name
Makin' believe that you just don't feel the same

Oh Jane!

Jane you're playin a game you never can win girl
You're stayin away just so I'll ask you where you've been baby
Like a cat and a mouse (cat and a mouse)
From door to door and house to house
Don't you pretend you don't know what I'm talkin about

Were all those nights we spent together (hey hey)
Only because you didn't know better
I've got to know
Jane, you're playin a game, you're playin a game, playin a game

Jane Jane Jane
Oh Jane you're playin a game of hide and go seek
Jane you're playin for fun but I play for keeps (yes I do)
Jane Jane Jane
that's a game on me yeah
Jane Jane Jane
it's so plain to see
Jane Jane Jane
Janie, Janie, Janie, Janie
Jane Jane Jane
Why you foolin' with me, me, me
Jane Jane Jane...

Why is it with every weekend getting closer and closer to my exit from China, it just keeps getting better and better? I thought I would be going through the motions of feeling more and more ready to leave this country, but with every weekend brings a great anticipation for the next.

Over the past 2 months, I've grown very close to people in my church community here. Being a foreigner in China really causes people to come together and support one another in a really powerful way. As we have moved around quite a bit this past year because of the government, I've begun to realize how important this community is to me.

As we have grown closer, God has increased our faith in Him. Through this, I've learned that I can never take God's love or power for granted. His love is surprising, unsettling and it sweeps you off your feet when you least expect it.

I’ve heard that verse from the bible before about “Lord my ears have heard of you, but now my eyes have seen.” I feel like somehow I’ve been given both a new set of ears and eyes. As if I’m seeing and hearing familiar sights and sounds for the first time.

The previous week leading up to our Saturday night service at my international church here in Beijing a few weeks ago, I was left restless most nights. I couldn’t sleep and I felt like something was keeping me up. A prayer on my heart was asking God to move me to a new place, new atmosphere. I feel like my whole journey of traveling and living abroad has been about these themes. In worship, I wanted to move beyond just singing songs to pressing into God’s heart. One night I was even at my keyboard, singing and finding myself with new melodies I had never heard of. Hours went by in minutes, and I felt like I needed to get out and produce the worship in my heart.

Saturday came for our church service. Something was brewing. I felt a sense of peace come over me. As our congregation began to enter into worship, what happened next made my knees shake. As my fingers touched the keyboard and my lips began to sing "Worthy is the Lamb" - I heard a new sound. Above the congregation. Like a beautiful violin. The sweetest, most majestic melody from heaven. I looked around the congregation attempting to find the person who was producing the sound...but I couldn't find anyone. The more I sang, the more I wanted God to be glorified. We continued to play and sing as the sound seemingly "danced" over us. If sound had a colour, this sound was filled with golds, blues, greens, reds...Everyone one of my hairs stood on end. Like, the congregation, our worship team and this violin were all one symphony to glorify our beautiful Savior.

I felt like a daughter, dressed in white, singing before my Creator. I never spoken like this before. Then again, I've never experienced worship like this before. I could always feel God's calling on my life when I play for him, but I never knew that He moves in such a powerful way so as to create an audible sound for our ears to hear. There is a whole other spiritual level that, I believe the Holy Spirit is just itching to share with us.

Since then, I have felt my ears have become more attune to what God is trying to communicate with me. All I want to do now is hear God's voice. Learn to recognize it and follow it, purely just for the joy of being in His presence. He is so beautiful and worthy to be worshiped. When we seek Him with our whole heart, He gives us incredible gifts.

This has really increased my faith. He reveals himself to us in so many ways, even when we don't even know it. His Holy Spirit is dynamic, and moves like a strong wind and a gentle breeze at the same time. I just wonder when He is going to speak next...

Falling

Mark Tedder is an amazing singer/songwriter/worship leader who is has done incredible work in China. He has a worship planet ministry, where him and his band travel all over the world - equipping local worship leaders (www.worshiplanet.com). I'm really inspired by a story I just read about him:

“I went to these little apartments in Beijing – remote dark alley places – to listen to them play. As I was sitting there tears welled up in my eyes – here are people living in a society that they can’t get out of,

and they’re making the best of it.” “I told each of them I’d understand if they chose not to take part because of the risks involved, but every one of them without fail said ‘You know what? We don’t care. We want to do this!’ If it was for nobody else other than those four precious Chinese musicians who played on the project, if it does nothing other than minister to them and give them hope, it was worth it.”

This video of the song "Falling" that he wrote, shows images from my church here in Beijing - everyone from every nation worshiping under one roof. I also just learned that the album with this song, was the first worship album ever recorded on mainland China. We can never take worship for granted. What an honor it is to worship in this country. In an country for that matter!

I just found out I will be leading worship with Mark this Saturday night at BICF. I am so excited and humbled for this opportunity to share in leading together.

God is doing amazing works in China. It never ceases to amaze me.

the theme song of my life right now...

This song gets me like none other. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time. Listen to the first line and you will understand.

Beijing on a bicycle changes things. My bicycle is my time for myself. To begin the day, to end it, and to carry me through one adventure to the next. I can't really describe my love for bicycles. It's as if Beijing is waiting to be explored when I put my feet on those peddles. It represents so much of my time here. Mostly, it's given me a kind of freedom. Like everything is ok or soon will be.

adventures in speed dating

I’ve recently been in a season of overcoming my fears.

When my friend Meg had originally asked me to participate in a "speed dating" event, I thought…no freaking way. I’m not putting myself out there for a group of 17 men. I’d rather be run over by a car, thank you very much.

I took about 24 hrs to think about it, and the more I considered it, the more I thought…well, there’s a first time for everything. If I can travel around the world, I can at least put on a cute dress and walk out my door. I mean, come on, where’s my sense of adventure? Funny, how it’s easier to do difficult things like navigate strange lands or go sky diving, but to spend an evening speed dating…what?? I still can’t believe I did it.

First of all, I need to clarify, that speed dating is not an event at all. Its more like a sport. You have two teams, men and women, a cow bell every six minutes, a score sheet to keep track of hits and misses, and a break at half time to quench your thirst. By the end of the evening, you are sweating and exhausted…from all the talking. So much talking.

The evening started off with a tall glass of white wine, a score sheet, and my glossed lips. Game on. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is that I had 6 minutes to somehow figure out if I had a “connection” with someone.

The bell rings. Crap. Here we go.

The first guy comes to my table. I can’t even pronounce his name, nonetheless remember the country he’s from because I am so nervous. We start to casually talk about how long we’ve been in Beijing, what we are doing here, food we like. Safe. Decent. Ok, just getting warmed up. I realize, about 3 guys in, that I’m being too optimistic, and check the box on my score sheet “friend first, then date.” My results definitely became more skewed as the evening went on.

The fourth guy. Chinese. The only reason I remember him is because I was the one who was asking him all the questions. The first question he asked me, “So, what part of the States are you from?” (stab in the heart)

“Umm, I’m actually from Canada.”

“Oh, I can never tell the difference between those countries.” (stab in the heart)

Off to a great start with this one. He talked about himself the whole time. I made the mistake of asking him, “So, what do you do?” Let’s just say…I felt like I was an interviewer on tv. I was asking all the questions. I found out he is a boxer. He’s been doing this for 10 years. He studied sports science or something fancy like that in university. He loves to work out. He’s proud of the bruise on this left arm. He had to get stiches during a match in university. Blah.Blah.Blah. No.Thank.You. I’ve exhausted my list of “wh” questions. I soon learn the beauty of this event is that you realize who will make the cut…and who won’t. The 6 minutes can go by either in the blink of an eye or painfully slow. If someone gave me a pencil…I would be poking my eyes out at this point.

Next in line, was an anthropologist from England. Very cool. Finally, a conversation I think I can really sink my teeth into. He’s lived in 5 different countries over the past 5 years. The conversation is flowing as we exchange travels we’ve been on, talk about Chinese culture or interests we have. All of a sudden the bell rings. Damn. I quickly tick the “friends first then date later” option on my score card. Cautiously optimistic.

Guy Number 8. Oh Guy Number 8. He looks, well, older. So, I figure, I’ll humour him and get through the 6 minutes. He works in computers or something in Beijing. He’s been here 8 years. Making it over 5 years in this country is a feat in itself. He then drops the bomb, “Look, I gotta be honest with you…I’m married and I’ve got a kid at home. I just thought this was an event to meet people.” Umm..I’m thinking… Did you get the memo that said, “Speed DATING?” Dating. DATE-ING. There is one minute left…I try to conjure up something to say…this comes out: “Ummm…ok…so, how’s that working out for you?” First time to check the “not a match” option on my sheet. Definitely not a match. No hesitation there. All cautious optimism shattered at this point.

Half time…or…ahem…break time. I feel as though I need someone to throw a bucket of cold water on myself, get a coach to massage my shoulders or help me figure out my game plan for the next round. I quickly de-brief with Meg. We decide to allow ourselves to float over to the bar to partake in a beverage. We compare notes, while trying to remember who was who, and enjoying a quick orderve…the bell rings again.

I should explain that the women, all 17 of us, were sitting around perimeter of the restaurant. We stay put for the evening, every six minutes the guys rotate. I mentioned to the next guy who appeared at my table, Marcus, from South Africa, that I like how the guys are all coming to us, and he replies, “Yeah, and the girls are just waiting for us at our beck and call.” Ummm…I mentally check the “just friends” option…joke or not…I’m not at your beck and call, Mister. Next please.

Next guy, a fun easygoing English teacher from the UK, someone I think I will be able to relate too. We share funny stories about teaching in Asia, discuss favourite hidden spots in Beijing, and then as we continue talking, he reveals the most hilarious story about helping one of his 6 year old students go to the washroom, and I belt out a huge, top of my lungs, traffic-halting, well…yelp of a laugh. Mortified. Did he notice? Yep. I think he did. I think I just got the “not a match” box ticked on his score card. Well, an embarrassing moment had to happen at least once in the evening. I’m glad I got that over with.

The next few conversations seemed to whiz by, things are getting easier, questions don’t feel so unnatural, people are starting to loosen up more and not take things so seriously. Met a cool, rather strangly-looking chap from London, who teaches animation at a university in Beijing. I’m cooling my jets at this point. I begin to realize that it’s pretty cool to be sitting in a room, full of other expats like myself, all trying to meet people. There is a kind of buzz in the room. I take the pressure off myself and just continue to enjoy my now almost empty glass of wine, maintaining my composure quite well I must add.

Moving on further down the line to guy number 13. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Guy number 13. Now, he was unexpected. He shook my hand. Unassuming, sweet and super funny. A Brit. We soon found out that we had something in common…we both lived in Japan and now found ourselves now in Beijing. He reminded me of all the things I loved about this country. Six minutes went by in a mere second. Conversation was effortless. We laughed most of the time, carried on about this and that…time was up. This was way too much fun. After we parted, I quickly checked the “want to date” option on my score card. The four remaining men were kind of a blur after that.

Before I knew it, the evening came to a close. I write my contact info at the top of my score card and then hand it to the hosts of the evening who then calculate my score and find out who my “matches” are. By this point, I’m just glad the night is done. I wish I had some other language in my disposal, as English seems to fail me. I’ve never talked that much at once in my life.

Since that evening, I have received my results, which I think I’m going to keep to myself. But, all I can tell you is…I put up a good fight, I came and conquered, and maybe I’ll get a chance at the play offs.

freedom in honesty

This Saturday evening at my church, the speaker was talking about walls in our lives, meaning the ones we need to build up, and others we need to tear down. We were challenged to pray with someone that we didn't know very well in the service. I told myself that I was just going to be honest with this person about what I needed prayer for. I was. About something I've been struggling with recently. Its kind of scary being honest with yourself, and others. But, I took that risk. I think something happens when you are honest...you are freed. Freed from that 'something' you've been holding onto. Its not like those "Aha!" moments Oprah talks about, but its a kind of quite release, where you allow yourself to be held in the arms of the Creator.

I used to feel guilty about being prayed for. Like I didn't deserve it somehow. I think that God uses other people to speak words of life to us. He wants to bless us through others.

Today, I walked into work and felt free. Free from the something I had been holding onto.

thoughts on thunder

Last night there was an amazing thunderstorm in Beijing. I turned off the lights in my apartment at one point because of the intense brightness from the lighting outside. Amazing. Even this morning as I look out my window its as if the entire city is covered in a grey cloud with the sound of rolling thunder still looming in the air. I love the power of thunder. Almost like God is brewing something special. While I'm sad I can't ride my bicycle to work this morning because of the pending rain, I'm comforted by the thunder, and realize the fact that Something Bigger is in control of things.

reflections on "the karate kid"

So, I don't know, but recently I've somehow become obsessed with the most recent "Karate Kid" movie. I think it has something to do with living in Beijing and the move being set here (scenes were apparently filmed just 5 minutes from my apartment! hello!), but I LOVE the lines and the shots in the trailer.

I feel like identify with the karate kid on some strange level. I watched thishttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY8amUImEu0&feature=channel and was hooked.

Lines I love:

"I feel like we are on a quest to start a new life." China does seriously give a person a chance to re-invent themselves in a way. I can't believe it took the Karate Kid to help me articulate this. I love how travel, in general, does give someone some perspective on their life and realize how small we are and how incredibly significant we are at the same time.

"I thought you were just a maintenance man." - No one is ever just a maintenance man here. Or anywhere for that matter.

"Welcome to Beijing" - I remember hearing this for the first time and my heart starting to race. Everything became a reality all at once and I knew I would love this city. It is one of the most intense relationships I've had with any place I've traveled to. I have had major highs, major lows, and huge learning curves here. Welcome to Beijing. I still get goosebumps whenever I ride my bicycle down Chang-An Avenue at night after work.

"I just wanna go home" - I've said this to myself a few times as well. Ok, well more than a few times. China sometimes teaches you tough lessons about yourself, and sometimes all you want it a dose of your mom's TLC to sustain you. China isn't your mom's TLC, that is fo-sho.

"Everything...is kung fu" - I like this. Connecting to the energy around you. I think sometimes as humans we get so caught up in work and day to day troubles that we forget to listen to our surroundings and the pulse of our environment.

"I don't want to be scared anymore" - I'd like to change this to, "I'm not scared anymore."

"Remember, always strong." - Yes. Thank you Jackie Chan.

It is possible to be homesick for a place you've never visited? I just looked through some travel photos and journal entries of travelers to India. I have this feeling inside my stomach, like butterflies or something, only it is a strong desire to travel here. It has kind of always been a dream of mine to travel to this country. This is something that is on my mind these days, and being in China - India is in my backyard.

Alot to think about.

something that inspired me today...

Aimee Mullins: The opportunity of adversity | Video on TED.com

collective rhythm

One of the most beautiful and curious parts of my job is that I get to have daily conversations with students where we exchange information about our backgrounds, our countries, and our cultures. While I try to convince myself that I'm the teacher in the classroom, the students have no idea that they are actually teaching me every moment.

I had a student say something very articulate today.

In a class about the meaning of different gestures around the world, I had the students make sentences about giving advice to foreigners who come to China, and the manners they should be aware of. One student in my class said, "foreigners should remember that they need to respond to the collective rhythm of the group. They can't make decisions based on themselves, but for the good of the group."

Now, while my immediate reaction is, "Well, that's communism for you," I also thought about what a unique perspective this actually is. The collective rhythm. While at times I find myself fighting against a kind of collectivism in class, encouraging students to be different or to take responsibility for themselves, I'm realizing there are certain aspects of students thinking that I can learn from. So, I allow moments like these in class to teach me.

In North America, its so easy for us to be individuals. We are who we are - we strive to be unique and self-reliant. While I think being unique is an important value, I also think that we have become, at times, so self-reliant that we start to live too much for ourselves. What this student said just made me change my perspective again.

Its refreshing to be taught something if we allow ourselves to listen.

a reminder...

Had a friend remind me tonight that in China its so easy to just see the ways we fail, or the things that are difficult. Its not uncommon on any given day to be laughed at publicly on the street, made a fool of because of our language skills (or lack there of), or just generally feel like we are incapable of full understanding our surroundings. Over dinner, we were talking with another friend who has only been in China for about 4 weeks. She reminded alot of us that what we are doing here and why we are doing it, is pretty amazing. She also mentioned that you have to be a certain kind of person to do this. To say that we have lived in China, is to say that we have overcome something.

I just needed reminding of this today.

life is sweet.

So, recently I've had some really exciting things happen. I can't believe that life is unfolding as it is.

The first one piece of news - I got accepted into graduate school. I opened my inbox a couple weeks ago to find an email from the admissions office at St.Francis Xavier in Nova Scotia, with these words: you have been accepted. I sigh of relieve immediately came over me. As of April 2011, I will be an official graduate student in the Master of Adult Education program. Again, I feel like life has shifted. I feel like I've entered a new phase again. Its so easy here to feel like I'm in a bubble. I know this experience I'm having here is a unique one, but now its transformed: I see my students differently, I think more about the exchanges that happen in my classroom, and more importantly, I'm coming to view my self as a teacher. I think I shyed away from the term "teacher" for a while, but I've learned to pay attention to what I love about the field of adult education. I have grown to love working with adult learners from different cultures other than my own. We learn from each other, laugh together, and build relationships with one another.

What I thought would be one year teaching in Japan, turned into now almost 4 years of living in two foreign countries.

Over the past few years, I've also grown to love taking pictures and I have felt the need to share them with others. A good friend of mine here in Beijing put me in contact with a woman who owns a small culture centre here. She took a look at some of my photos online, and almost immediately emailed me to ask if she could have them posted at The Culture Yard. Getting the chance to do something like this was so exciting. I poured through photo after photo from the past few years to select the ones that meant the most to me.

I've heard of those lists that people have of the things they want to accomplish or do before they die. If I had a list like this, I feel like I'd be able to cross a few things off.

These past two weeks, everyday I have found a reason to smile. I ride my bike to work, I teach my classes, I visit with friends, and I feel so full of joy. I used to feel guilty or bad about being happy, but I've learned that everything in life - no matter how small or how big, needs to be celebrated. I'm so excited about how life is unfolding, and where it is taking me.

And, so the countdown begins. I have 9 months left in China. I'm going to make it my best yet.

my significant other

This is my 2 cents from facebook's "post a picture of your significant other" for Valentines...

Since it's Valentines, and we celebrate those we love, I've chosen to celebrate my most "significant other," China, using the pronoun "he."

....

I've been with him now for 2 years now, and we are still going. I can't say that it was exactly love at first sight, but he has really grown on me now. I can't imagine my life without him.

We have a love/hate relationship at times. I find he requires alot of love and attention and he alway wants me to hang out. Sometimes, I ask myself, "Why do I put up with constant attention seeking? While it can be annoying, its also intoxicating. We are sometimes distant from each other because we miscommunicate...but, our intimacy is beyond words, and there is a great degree of transparency between us now. We've been through alot together.

From the outside, some would say we have commitment issues, and yet, when we get together...I can't take my eyes of him. I never have to worry about him seeing other girls, because he is not exactly what I would call "the catch of the year." Yet, to me, he is.

I can learn things from him. He teaches me valuable lessons - mostly about myself. He seemingly always knows the right things to say. And when I need a laugh, he never fails to amuse me...even in the smallest ways. And his family! He has perhaps the biggest family of anyone I know. Its hard to keep any secrets around his household.

We truly find each other when we travel together. Stretching our legs, with no agenda, and just our backpacks. We've explored each other extensively. He tends to be an unreliable travel partner, however. One time, he even left me in a train station with no where to go, and just when I thought I had been completely abandoned...he was just around the corner...waiting to surprise me with tickets for the most amazing train trip of a lifetime. We've had our highest highs and lowest lows together. I can't get enough of him.

We fight sometimes, but then make up almost immediately. He knows what makes me cave. I especially love our dinner dates and late night taxi rides. Magic.

I have to be honest here - I've tried to see other people, but then realize that what we have together is special. Once a year, he even surprises me with fireworks for our anniversary. I complain, I try to escape, and yet something keeps bringing me back to him. He has this effect on everyone he comes in contact with.

While our relationship is kind of up and down at times, when I see the bigger picture I realize...we were meant to be.

Sometimes people ask me, "You guys are still together after all these years?" My response is: yes. Our relationship has been the greatest adventure of a lifetime.

Oh, and did I tell you? He still lives with his mom.

role reversal

Its really strange when you begin to take care of your parents. There is a time in life, and I suspect its between the ages of 24-27, when your thinking begins to shift, circumstances change and you begin to feel a unusual sense of responsibility for your parents. I like it, in a way, but its also very strange at the same time. You begin to see you them in a certain way, realizing their humaness and you feel like you just want to protect them from everything. Since I've been living away in China, I have felt a new appreciation for my parents and the stuff they have had to put up with while my sister and I were growing up. But, also appreciating them for the ways they have taught us to be successful adults, at least, I'd like to think I'm one of those.

My dad slipped and fell on some ice, and broke three ribs a few days ago. Its hard when you see your parents in pain, like you would give anything to take on that pain yourself. Everything that you take for granted begins to become a struggle. Watching my dad trying to do the daily activities that normally are a no-brainer, but now are a struggle, is sobering. I can't help but think God teaches us lessons at very particular times in our lives, in different seasons. Me visiting home this time, is really teaching me the value of my relationships with my parents.

I think about taking care of them in the future and what that might entail. Just something I was thinking about today. I'm going to go and make my dad some lunch now.

the smell of home

I made it home safely. I was met at the airport by my parents who I immediately ran to. So good to see them again. I just love those moments of seeing the people you love after a long time. Seeing how they have changed, or stayed the same, and just wanting to hold onto that moment as long as you can. Since I am still very much jet jagged, everything feels almost dream like.

Visiting home every year feels a little different every time. This time, I can't quite put my finger on it. Places and faces that I have grown up with...I feel like I'm looking at them from the outside somehow. Have I really changed that much? Have I really been away for this long? Its like I can't take anything for granted anymore.

After a long plane ride over an ocean, and walking in my parent's house to the smell of home, gave me a huge sense of relief. My family and I sat around together last night, having our belated Christmas, eating dinner and just talking, I realized that this is one of the most important places in my life. It is so good to be home.

I'm about to go home in a few days. To visit the familiar faces, places and all the good things that comes with home.

It got me thinking about this flag that I have carried with me the past few years. My friend Jacinda and I traveled to Europe together a few summers ago, and we each brought the infamous maple leaf with us to help celebrate Canada Day while we were away. Since then, I've brought it with me to all the places I've been and lived. Just carrying it with me in my backpack.

I have found a certain comfort in keeping this with me. I feel like living away teaches you things about your own country. Like everything you have taken for granted, you begin to love. No country is perfect, but there are parts of Canada that I deeply miss - like the fresh mountain air, the heart on your sleeve mentality, freedom in all shapes and forms, going to church without having to show a passport, and deep shades of red in fall and bright whites in winter. While I am in-love with travel and seeing new places and encountering new things, my home is my compass.

My yearly visit home always bring with it so many emotions. Mostly, I constantly feel a sense of being in two places at once. I can't really put it into words. It's so strange to be planted in more than one place. Both experiences of being a home and living abroad seem to be intensified. Every interaction and every moment is sometimes hard to be taken lightly - because I feel these come to an end more quickly.

I was just thinking about his tonight and wanted to share this with you. I am so excited to be going home. I need to re-fuel.

still laughing

Every once in a while, I have these days in China. China Days. I like to document them because I cannot believe how unbelievably bad and ridiculous they actually are.

10:30 am - I left my apartment to go to work and realized on the way to the subway I didn't put any eye liner on. Yes, it was a travesty. This is only the beginning.

10:50 - After 20 minutes in the face clapping cold, I made it to the place where I was going to meet my friend quickly in the centre of Beijing.I went to the wrong location. Beijing is a big city. I walked for another 30 minutes, this time my face is ripping off from the cold, but finally make it to see my friend. Everything is satisfactory. Or so I thought.

11:45 - make it to work by subway. Arrive at Oriental Plaza. Jessica Simpson's Christmas album is playing in the mall. Yeah, you would have cringed too. I go to get my regular lunch at Ole. This time I get the spicy noodles from Ming, the cute server boy at the counter. I figured I deserved something hot and spicy after my morning. Yeah, and the noodles were good too. ;)

11:50 - arrive in the teachers room of my school to discover my noodles were ridiculously hot and spicy, but I ate them anyways. I began to plan my lessons for the day.

12:09 - just found out the noodles don't agree with me.

12:40 - teach my first class of the day. Topic: Writing a movie Review. I pose a question to the class:

"So...who likes to watch a good movie?"

(class silent).

(I answer) "Well, I sure do! I love romantic comedies and action movies...What about you? (I gesture to a student)

(silence)

"I also love SILENT movies. They are my absolute favorite. Anyone else know about "silent movies"?

(I get a few giggles at this point.)

Class goes on for the next 35 minutes. I only managed to poke my eye out once.

1:40 - more planning for classes. The inside of my mouth is now blistered from the hot and spicy noodles earlier.

3:30 - I go to the washroom and discover I have a new friend...on my face...a zit. Great. My favorite.

3:35 - I realize I am dehydrated, and need some water. On my way to the water machine, 5 students stop me to asks questions. While I normally love to help them, I was in desperate need of some water. I never made it to the water machine, as I now had another class to teach.

3:40 - Next class topic: Practicing telling stories and reacting to surprising information. I walk into class,

"So guys, I have some big news to tell you..."

(silence)

"I'm getting married tomorrow."

(silence, one student yawns)

"So, yeah, I'm moving to France to live with my French husband."

One student says, "Really?"

I say, "Yes. Really. And you can come on our honeymoon if you like."

4:40 - Want to go for my break, but need to make a paper airplane for my class on "Arts and Crafts." I sit at my desk and attempt to assemble this. 20 minutes later, I'm still sitting at my desk, trying to make this paper airplane. It can't be that difficult - but, apparently it is. I need to know the order of how I did this, so the students can follow my directions in class and then explain it to their partner. I get a coworker to make it for me... even he can't even figure it out.

5:40 -I go to class in hopes that some students might have some small idea about how to assemble this device. 2 people did. 23 didn't. The paper airplane was supposed to be the high point of my day. It crashed.

6:40 - was going to go get some dinner downstairs in the mall, but had some late minute planning to do. I realize at this point I haven't been out of the office for most of the day. Cabin fever begins to settle in.

6:45 - I go out into the student area, just wanting to visit with some students for a while. One student, ever so confidently, comes up to me and says, "Jane, your ears are so big." I'm confused, obviously, and say, "Umm, my ears?" The student replies, "Oh, your eyes. Your eyes are so big." "Umm, thank you?"

9:30 - finished class for the day. I basically run out of the school, go down the 4 escalators, through the long hallway, past the security guard and into the subway station in the basement of Oriental Plaza. I look in my purse and see I forgot my wallet. I have to go back. Back through the long hallways, up the 4 escalators and into the school. The staff are JUST closing the doors as I literally yell, "nooooooo.waaaaiiiiittttt!" I got that wallet. Oh yes, I did.

10:30 - by this point, I am at my subway stop, and I get off and get ready to face the cold again outside. I make my way up the stairs, begin to wrap my scarf around me, doing this apparently just a little too dramatically - and I totally wipe out on the icy pavement. Just the cherry on the top of my day.

10:50 - am home. Face slapped from the cold, mouth blistered from the spicy noodles, hungry, pride and back-side wounded...and you know what?

I'm still smiling. Laughing actually.