Tuesday, January 5, 2010

still laughing

Every once in a while, I have these days in China. China Days. I like to document them because I cannot believe how unbelievably bad and ridiculous they actually are.

10:30 am - I left my apartment to go to work and realized on the way to the subway I didn't put any eye liner on. Yes, it was a travesty. This is only the beginning.

10:50 - After 20 minutes in the face clapping cold, I made it to the place where I was going to meet my friend quickly in the centre of Beijing.I went to the wrong location. Beijing is a big city. I walked for another 30 minutes, this time my face is ripping off from the cold, but finally make it to see my friend. Everything is satisfactory. Or so I thought.

11:45 - make it to work by subway. Arrive at Oriental Plaza. Jessica Simpson's Christmas album is playing in the mall. Yeah, you would have cringed too. I go to get my regular lunch at Ole. This time I get the spicy noodles from Ming, the cute server boy at the counter. I figured I deserved something hot and spicy after my morning. Yeah, and the noodles were good too. ;)

11:50 - arrive in the teachers room of my school to discover my noodles were ridiculously hot and spicy, but I ate them anyways. I began to plan my lessons for the day.

12:09 - just found out the noodles don't agree with me.

12:40 - teach my first class of the day. Topic: Writing a movie Review. I pose a question to the class:
"So...who likes to watch a good movie?"
(class silent).
(I answer) "Well, I sure do! I love romantic comedies and action movies...What about you? (I gesture to a student)
(silence)
"I also love SILENT movies. They are my absolute favorite. Anyone else know about "silent movies"?
(I get a few giggles at this point.)
Class goes on for the next 35 minutes. I only managed to poke my eye out once.

1:40 - more planning for classes. The inside of my mouth is now blistered from the hot and spicy noodles earlier.

3:30 - I go to the washroom and discover I have a new friend...on my face...a zit. Great. My favorite.

3:35 - I realize I am dehydrated, and need some water. On my way to the water machine, 5 students stop me to asks questions. While I normally love to help them, I was in desperate need of some water. I never made it to the water machine, as I now had another class to teach.

3:40 - Next class topic: Practicing telling stories and reacting to surprising information. I walk into class,
"So guys, I have some big news to tell you..."
(silence)
"I'm getting married tomorrow."
(silence, one student yawns)
"So, yeah, I'm moving to France to live with my French husband."
One student says, "Really?"
I say, "Yes. Really. And you can come on our honeymoon if you like."

4:40 - Want to go for my break, but need to make a paper airplane for my class on "Arts and Crafts." I sit at my desk and attempt to assemble this. 20 minutes later, I'm still sitting at my desk, trying to make this paper airplane. It can't be that difficult - but, apparently it is. I need to know the order of how I did this, so the students can follow my directions in class and then explain it to their partner. I get a coworker to make it for me... even he can't even figure it out.

5:40 -I go to class in hopes that some students might have some small idea about how to assemble this device. 2 people did. 23 didn't. The paper airplane was supposed to be the high point of my day. It crashed.

6:40 - was going to go get some dinner downstairs in the mall, but had some late minute planning to do. I realize at this point I haven't been out of the office for most of the day. Cabin fever begins to settle in.

6:45 - I go out into the student area, just wanting to visit with some students for a while. One student, ever so confidently, comes up to me and says, "Jane, your ears are so big." I'm confused, obviously, and say, "Umm, my ears?" The student replies, "Oh, your eyes. Your eyes are so big." "Umm, thank you?"

9:30 - finished class for the day. I basically run out of the school, go down the 4 escalators, through the long hallway, past the security guard and into the subway station in the basement of Oriental Plaza. I look in my purse and see I forgot my wallet. I have to go back. Back through the long hallways, up the 4 escalators and into the school. The staff are JUST closing the doors as I literally yell, "nooooooo.waaaaiiiiittttt!" I got that wallet. Oh yes, I did.

10:30 - by this point, I am at my subway stop, and I get off and get ready to face the cold again outside. I make my way up the stairs, begin to wrap my scarf around me, doing this apparently just a little too dramatically - and I totally wipe out on the icy pavement. Just the cherry on the top of my day.

10:50 - am home. Face slapped from the cold, mouth blistered from the spicy noodles, hungry, pride and back-side wounded...and you know what?

I'm still smiling. Laughing actually.

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