thinking about mothers...

Almost one year ago the big earthquake happened in Sichuan province (May 12, 2008). I'm just watching on the news now of couples and families that have tried to re-build their lives. The CCTV news crew interviewed a couple who got married today and was taking pictures in front of their home, well, what is left of their home. It was mostly destroyed last year. Some mother's are about to give birth and some are remembering loosing their children this time last year. Other school aged children were sent to Guangdong province to continue school, as theirs was destroyed. Make-shift communities have been set up - and people are living with just the bare necessities. When I was watching the look on people's faces...hope was the most evident expression.  I couldn't take my eyes off their beautiful faces.

One thing that particularly struck me was watching a group of mothers getting to see their children via video from their schools in Guangdong province, and tears filled their eyes as they said, "Mommy is so proud of you, you will soon be able to return to your school here and we can be together."

I remember hearing a story last year about a young mother who lost both her children in the quake. As one was still a new born, this was absolutely heartbreaking. At the time, there were also a number of young ones who had lost their parents. What made this woman remarkable is that she ended up breast feeding a number of these parentless children. This, to me, epitomizes the heart of the Chinese character. Soley thinking of the needs of others before their own. I guess I think especially think of mother's doing this for their children.

In the midst of loosing your own children, but giving yourself to other children, I guess makes me think about the deep love of a mother. China has really brought this to my attention. One thing I am just starting to understand about Chinese culture is how deeply they respect and love their mother. Children's connection to their mother is very strong, remaining into adulthood. She is a kind of life force in the family. In traditional culture, songs and dances have been composed for the sole purpose of honoring mothers. I think we have some what lost this kind of reverence for our mothers in Western society.

It is Mother's Day...and I miss my mom. My relationship with her has changed over the last few years. I see her as a person now, with vulnerability and beauty. I'm so proud of her for supporting me in my dream of living in other countries.

Happy Mother's Day to the beautiful, vibrant, and talented women who give us life.

 

wait for it...

One of my best friends is coming to visit me in 5 days. I'm so excited. Just the thought of hugging her at the airport makes me tear up. Why does time seem to go so slow when you are in such anticipation? Is this some kind of joke the universe plays on us? Because its not funny. It's cruel. Can she just get here already?

subway music

Every night when I walk home from work, and I make my way to the subway station, there are always the same buskers there to seemingly greet me. There is a young Chinese guy in a wheelchair and his friend on the guitar. Singing as the commuters walk on by.

One thing I love about subway stations is they usually lend themselves to great acoustics. I look forward to seeing the two of these guys sing together. They bring a sort of perspective in the rush of people that pass quickly by. When they sing, its like time slows down for a while.

Over the last few days however, I've noticed the guitarist hasn't been there. Just leaving his friend singing solo. I quietly admire him as I walk by most nights. Its quite brilliant actually. He has this kind of trusting, unwavering voice you somehow feel comforted by. Although I'm not a huge fan of Chinese pop music, his voice could potentially help it to grow on me.

I just wonder where his friend went. I hope he didn't change stations. I'm starting to miss his sweet music. Once I turn the corner into the station, I'm always looking to see if they are there. 

beauty in the breakdown

So, these past few weeks, countless things have seemingly gone wrong. Now, its often not the big things that cause me stress. Funny, the big things I usually interrpret as situations that are teaching me something. It also got me to thinking - why is it that I end up doing the big things really well and the small thing cause me to lie awake in the middle of the night.

This list of small things include:

1. my phone apparently not recieving or getting calls for about 5 days

2. a car alarm going off outside my window at 4am for 2 hrs, getting very little sleep

3. a night club opening up tonight outside my apartment

4. loosing my apartment keys for a day, stressing out thinking someone was going to break into my place

5. a window cleaner suddenly appearing outside my bedroom window at 8am.

6. having a mis-communication with someone

7.coming home to water on my floor due to my water machine deciding to leak while I was away at work

8. someone laughing at me and pointing on the street

(Funny, when I see them written like this, they don't look all that bad)

This was enough to get me to thinking...did the world just decide to open up the clouds and bring an epic amount of small frustrations? for an entire two weeks?

I don't know. They could all be random, and its quite probable they were not all directed at me nor could I really control these from happening.

 As I am currently still listening to the bass of the night club outside my window, I'm beginning to bob my head. I also cleared up the miscommunication today, which actually turned out not to be a big deal. I'm also recalling that the water machine didn't really do any big damage in the first place and my lost key was also because I simply left it in a strange place. 

This week in my classes, one of the topics was on living abroad. I recalled the lesson and remember telling the students, "You have to see living abroad as being like a big experiment. There are many unknowns, and many things you can't control, but its all about how your respond to those unknowns." Turns out, I taught myself this very piece of advice tonight. Why do I run away with myself sometimes? I have chosen this life for myself, and I think of the good that has far outweighed the bad these last couple weeks:

1. talked with one of my best friends on the phone for over an hr.

2. told a student she was capable of being something more.

3. laughing until my sides hurt

4. seeing past someone's words, and understanding their heart.

5. playing the keyboard at my church, and falling in love with God all over again

6. having a few good workouts at the gym

7. having a really encouraging Chinese teacher

8. working out travel plansof when Cinda comes to China in a few days

9. forgiving something I had held onto for a long time

10. singing at the top of my lungs in the morning yesterday.

This country always teaches me lessons. Sometimes the ones that are painful to learn, and others that bring a quiet smile and a reassuring confidence. With each lesson, I'm learning to continually not take anything for granted. Wanting to listen for that moment I take in something important or am reminded of what was there in the first place. I'm remembering too that the reason I am living away from home, is so that my faith can be increased and my own cares and worries are eclipsed by something greater.

So if I loose my keys again, or the water decides to leak...I will just shake me head, and laugh quietly to myself. I live a life fully my own, and that makes all things an adventure, some things unknown, and others worth writing about.