quiet motivation

Tonight, I was reminded that I need to be writing more. And, I agreed. One of my family members told me that she checked up on my writings almost everyday when I was in Japan, and since coming to China, I haven't written as much. I'm not exactly sure the reason for my lack of writing, but after she told me this tonight, I got excited to write again. So, maybe this will be my new years resolution. I enjoy writing and I want to share my experiences with people, and I love to document my travels in any way I can. Maybe China itself just distracted me this past year. Maybe other things took up my time. Maybe from time to time, I just lost sight of things.

I was really excited tonight to hear that people are really reading this thing. This will be my quiet motivation when I sit down to write. Thank you.

alberta mountains

There is something so calming about being in the mountains of Alberta. Being away has made me love the mountains all the more, and appreciate the majesty of their peaks. My family always used to come here for camping and hiking, I even worked here for a summer while in university. Its refreshing to return here, and to be reminded that these mountains are still the same, and yet, so much more commanding. I'm just sitting on my bed of our hotel this morning, looking out the window and seeing a mountain silhouette with a perfectly blue sky. I've missed this.

Today I was at the dentist's office for my yearly check up at home in St.Albert. In between teeth examining and cleaning, my hygenist was so eager to ask me about China. Her and I exchanged stories about places we had been and places we want to go. She reminded me of the excitement I feel about the experiences I'm having, living abroad. It was like we had known each other in another life or something, we could barely keep up with each other as we were talking.

When I was home for Christmas last year, the same thing happened to me when I was developing my photos from Japan. A complete stranger was so excited to see my pictures and ask me questions.

As we were talking today, I felt free to just share about my experiences openly. Sometimes, when I talk about China I find I have to hold myself back a little. I have learned that there are some people who will show a genuine interest, and others who just don't. Then, there are those who don't know how to respond. I know this isn't an experience that people have every day. But, it is my experience. I own it. Even when I hear myself say it, it sounds strange. But, this is me and I love my life, and I'm learning to share it with those who want to hear, and those who I want to hear from.

My dental hygenist today told me she was really proud of me, in a sense, for doing what I'm doing. For being brave enough to travel on my own, to see a new way of life and to challenge myself. All this coming from a person I just met. And my dental hygenist at that!

I'm so glad that living away is lending itself to refreshing conversations like the one I had today.

Being home again is filled with so many emotions. I'm just trying to keep up with them all.

before going home...

As I have just under 5 days left before I go home, its really difficult to put into words what I am feeling. This past year, I have noticed that I have not updated this blog as often as I had hoped. Only feeling the need to write when I thought necessary. Some thoughts I just could not keep up with.

This time of year is always a time of seasons changing, new things beginning and others ending. With these changes comes excitement, some anxiety and trying to remind myself to keep my eyes open. As I am 26 now, I never thought I would be in China, having adventures, travelling, seeing and learning new things. And, I love it.

I think this is what it feels like to hold life by the hand, knowing that its this intimate journey that takes place. Learning my weaknesses and strengths, growing into myself and loving where I am. I'm anxious to be going home, in a way, because life has transformed in a way. The world has become more real than I ever could have imagined. More scary. More exciting. More adventurous. More beautiful. More strange. More...majestic. I never know what each day will bring.

Sometimes it can be scary to stare life in the face. You begin to see it for what it is, and it sees you for who you are. Living in China has given me so many lessons about life I think. I was talking with my mom on the phone the other day and we were saying...why do I put myself through all this drama? Living in a foreign country, when I don't speak a good portion of the language, dealing with cultural differences, attempting to calm down my crazy landlady, trying to deal problems that I would probably never encounter otherwise and finally, being away from my friends and family for long periods of time. Here is a secret: I wonder about these same things all the time. And I get alot of "You are so brave to be doing what you are doing."

Here is the conclusion I have come to: I am not really that brave. In fact, I think God is continually teaching me to depend on Him, in a very tangible way. I've realized that I can't do anything without Him beside me. I feel that I can't ever take anything for granted again. Everything from the clothes on my back, to the bed I sleep in.

Life really is this precious thing. I think travelling helps me to see this more clearly. As I look back at my pictures from this past year in China, I've been to some beautiful places and done some worthwhile things. I've seen the mountains of Yangshou, walked along the streets of the ancient town of Lijiang, heard the minority music of Yunnan province, visited a monk's room, seen the bright lights of Hong Kong, walked along the Great Wall, swam in the south China Sea, and rode a motorcycle in Vietnam. And the best part...is that my time in China isn't over. Its just changing, shifting now. There is something about this country that has me hooked. And this curiosity cannot just be satisfied in just a short time.

The next part of my journey here will be moving to the north of China, to Beijing! I can't even begin to imagine how life will continue to unfold this next year. All I know is, I am ready to go home for a few weeks to see the people I love the most. Wow. It has been almost a year....

After returning from my trip to Beijing, I could feel a new season beginning in my life again. It is said for a lot of Chinese, going to Beijing is a mecca of sorts. It got me to thinking about our own personal journeys or markers we have for ourselves that help us to recognize something or encourage us to self examine.

Travelling to Beijing gave me yet again a new perspective on this country. China changes for me all the time. This city brings with it a whole other set of cultural and political values and traditions. Walking on the same territory as emperors, protestors, and other travellers is overwhelming, sobering and worth examining. It reaffirmed for me why I think I am having this experience over here. I want to look at the world in the face with a big question mark. To take my time, observe, engage, learn and attempt to come to terms with what I'm seeing.

I have a friend who lives in Canada, and even though we are halfway across the world, she is a quiet voice of encouragement to me. She said, recently... " I've been feeling this overwhelming feeling of something inexplicably larger than myself looming, hovering around every corner. Around every movement. Around every thought". As I have been travelling, I have felt this same sort of presence. Everything seems to become bigger than you can imagine, and yet smaller and so much closer at the same time. In a world where its easy to feel lost or confused, there is a point when things start to become familiar in way.

Just some thoughts I was tossing over tonight.

dashan

Today I emailed a guy who goes by the Chinese name of "Dashan" (aka Mark Rosewell, his English name). He is perhaps the most famous foreigner in China. Originally from Canada, he has actually been living in China for a little under 20 years. I've come to know him through hearing the students talk about him, and through seeing him on tv. He is known for almost perfect Chinese language skills, his sense of humour, and his engaging charisma with the Chinese public.

I emailed him on a whim because I will be travelling to Beijing (where he lives) next week, and my friend and I got this idea to try to see if we could have lunch with him. Sadly, he will be out of the country when we are there, but he thanked us for the invitation.

There is something so intriguing about this guy. He has lived in China for so long, and has obviously worked so hard at learning the language, that when you close your eyes and listen to him speak...you would swear he is Chinese. When he walks into a room, others appear immediately engaged. He has become so successful - doing numberous tv shows, commercials, giving public appearances and speeches. When he speaks, you can see the passion he has for the Chinese language. Its actually really inspiring.

But, Dashan raises an even deeper question in me. Is it really possible to be completely integrated into another culture? He has lived most of his adult life in China, which now gets me to thinking which culture he would most identify with. Some argue that he has even better Chinese than Chinese themselves! Would he feel pulled by Chinese culture and his own Canadian culture? I've heard that there comes to a point when foreigners live for such a long time outside their own country, that they begin to no longer identify with their former customs. They begin to take on a new set of customs or habits.

Even in myself, I can remember in Japan how my body language and social cues seemed to be shaped by the things I would observe in others. I didn't realize at the time, but now in China, I can see again how this is happening. Its really strange to step back and take a look at yourself and how the places you have been, the people you have met or the experiences you have had, have all made a literal "impact" on you.

What happens, then, when a foreigner returns to their own country. Are the made to feel ambiguous about their own culture?

Dashan, I wish we could meet for lunch. I've already made a list of the questions I would ask you.

coming up for air.

Over the last number of months, I have had a love/hate relationship with China.

There are some days where everything goes right - the bus going to your work is on time, the weather is good and you can walk without a pool of sweat below you. You don't seem to notice the men who stare at you, your coffee is actually what you ordered, your lunch has recognizable meats in it, the stars seem to align and everything is like clockwork. I love those days.

Then, you have whats called "A China day" - when nothing seems to go right. You seemingly can't get anywhere on time, it takes you 3 hrs to get a small chore done, the man on the bus cannot take his eyes off you, your lunch has nothing that looks like a recognizable meat or vegetable, your students decide not to talk that day, and when you get back to your apartment at night the elevator again decides not to work for you.

Its really hard to predict this country. I realize that I'm a foreigner living here and the language is daunting, but sometimes its as if China has no rhyme or reason to it. And somehow in the midst of all the confusion and seeming disorder, patterns emerge. You begin to understand what the people are about, why things can be confusing and what you can do to make yourself feel better or cope.

Sometimes as a foreigner, its so easy to feel that a country is swallowing you, and you are desperately trying to come up for air. When you finally learn how to breathe, things actually start to become entertaining, in a sense. Its like you can step back, and look at all of it like a movie in a way. A movie that you are participating in. I've finally gotten to the point now in my time here, that I can breathe and I look at each day as an adventure and I try to consider how I can learn something from most moments here. I think of my experiences here, and how I love to write about them, and that in itself helps me to breathe.

Recently, I've been looking for the space between. Maybe I don't want to say that I love China or I hate China, but I want to say, "China is teaching me." I'm learning from this country. It gets me to think about the taken for granted values in my life. The values that I never used to think about, have come under intimate observation here. I have more time to think about my family, my friends, my work environment and my beliefs.

I'm still breathing, and trying to take in this whole experience, but I'm also remembering to take one day at a time.

life's seasons...

Tommorrow, I turn 26th. I didn't think this is where I would be at 26.

And, I'm happy about that.

I think about the places I have been able to travel to over the past few years, the people I have encountered, and my family and friends who support me in the life I am leading.

There is a song a friend shared with me a while back,

"throught twenty-six summers
and twenty-six wintersi’ve laughed in the springtime
i’ve cried in the rain
though i’ve questioned the meaning
of some of life’s seasons
it’s true that they’ve left me
holding on tighter to You

my one desire for the road ahead
is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You’re my everything
may i stay by Your side forever
for when my heart’s afraid, You’re near
whispering to my soul, ‘don’t fear’"

I feel as though I have just begun to cling to something greater than myself through this whole experience. Living wide-eyed and in wonder. I hope life continues to unfold as it is.

vietnam

The last few weeks have been filled with some of the most incredible experiences and scenery I have ever had. At times, I sit to write and I don't have the words to say or to even try to articulate what I have been seeing.

I arrived back early this morning from Vietnam, with a rush of feelings and images in my mind. After a long 7 hr bus ride, a gruelling 12 hr train ride, I made it back to Guangzhou. It all seemed liked such a blur. Part of the whole travelling experience in this side of the world, is that you can travel relatively cheaply and you get everything that comes with that. Long lines, people pushing to get on the train, children crying, but also the occassional friendly chat with a stranger. As my friends and I were literally sitting up for 12hrs on a train, I thought to myself, "There is no way that I am sitting up for 12 hrs again on a train in China." It was partly humourous: people were sleeping while standing, some where sleeping the bathroom, other would watch us foreigners play cards.

Vietnam has been one of these impressionable experiences. One of the luxuries about living in the south of China is that it is a bridge to so many other Asian countries. I remember crossing the border over a week ago, and seeing how the atmosphere seemed to immediately change. The rice fields accompanied the surprisingly bright, tall three short homes along the road. With the unusual mountains and the blue sky, I knew that Vietnam would be a place like none other.

Once arriving into Hanoi, I immediately noticed the presence of the motorbikes. They are everywhere. You almost need to hold your breath as your vehicle swirves to change lanes. Hanoi has so many small streets, filled with small shops, old restraunts and yes, more motorbikes. I guess, my only knowledge of Vietnam was the famous war that happened a number of years ago, but to arrive to booming, busy city was so refreshing. To see some of the modern touches of tourism, along with the traditional Vietnamese society still evident, makes for an interesting walk down the street. I regularly had to dodge grannies on motorbikes, as well as workers carrying rice on their shoulders.

With no specific agenda in mind, we made our way to our hotel, in the heart of the Old Quarter of the city, and then had a delicious meal of authentic Vietnamese food. The Old Quarter has over 36 streets all with different styles and atmosphere. One thing that perhaps made one of the most beautiful impressions, were peoples smiles. It seemed at ever corner or every shop, you would get a wave and a smile from someone.

One of the reasons many travellers go to Vietnam is for Halong Bay. A series of thousands of islands, and limestone mountains on water. My friends and I hopped on a junk boat for an over night trip. To our surprise, there was just 5 of us! We had an entire boat to ourselves that we could walk around around freely. Our guide took us to some famous caves, we swam in the ocean, jumped over the boat, kayaked, and soaked up the glorious sun. It was as if we entered another world. Only to be surrounded by water and thousands of tiny islands. As I looked across the water to see what I was seeing, I took a deep breath and listened to only the sound of the water. At night, went the boat was still, I sat on the top of the boat and looked up into the star-lit sky, surrounded by these islands. I felt free.

Once arriving back into Hanoi, I had no idea what other little adventures I would have. One of my friends and I actually hopped on a motorcycle to our new hotel. Seeing Hanoi again, but this time from a motorcycle was an even more surprising experience. Weaving through traffic, hearing the local people and smelling the local street vendors gave me a new perspective on the city. If this wasn't enough, I took a 12km cycling trip into the heart of Cam Troc, to see a couple villiages and temples, and to take in the amazing mountains Vietnam had to offer. My friend Eva and I also ended up on a small raft down a river in Hua Lu. We had a lovel old Vietnamese couple roe us own the vast expanse. At one point, I stretched out my hands and ran them along the water. It was so fresh. So cool. Vietnam has been one of the most incredible places for photography for me. My hands and my eyes actually began to hurt by the end of the trip. It seems as if my camera has helped me to capture the things I have been wanting to capture all my life.

Vietnam - the sights, the sounds, the smells, the people. It was also a sobering reminder that this world is such a spectacular place. And when you travel, you feel big and small at the same time. When you search for something or when you visit a place, it somehow leaves a mark on you. What a glorious feeling to touch and see a new place. The one danger though...it that it always leaves you hungry. You want more. You want to see more.

"The mountains are His, the valley's are His, the stars are His handiwork too..."

As I'm just about to head off to bed tonight, I hear the thunder. The rolling thunder. Its somehow comforting. I don't think I have ever said this before about the thunder. It usually seems so startling and I wait in fear of the next big crack. Sometimes, its really scary.

In China, the thunder and lighting is honestly the most powerful I have ever experienced. The rain falls so hard that even your insides feel wet, and the sky lights up so bright that your eyes feel like they have just been opened for the first time! Traffic goes slower, people run to find shelter, others press on through the storm.

But, then at times, the thunder just comes in the distance. A quiet rumble. Reminding me that it is there. It looms. Sometimes, it reminds me that its not so scary after all and that I don't have to fear it.

This got me thinking that sometimes the things that a foreigner experiences in China, can make you want to hide or turn the other way or run or maybe cover your eyes. Maybe this is like any new experience we have at any point in our lives. Then there are times where this place just quietly reminds you that its not an experience meant to be feared, but one that just causes reflection.

Its quiet now. No thunder. I wish it would come back. I just want to think a while longer.

mooncake

Today, I came to work and sitting on my desk was a peculiar looking treat - mooncake! Over the next few weeks, China will be celebrating what is known as Mid Autumn festival. Its a time when families get together and enjoy each others company. Families will travel from other cities to be together. Its kind of like our thanksgiving.

Here is some information I found out about the Mid Autumn Festival that I found to be interesting:

The Mid-Autumn Festival, also known as the Moon Festival, is a popular East Asian celebration of abundance and togetherness, dating back over 3,000 years to China's Zhou Dynasty. In Malaysia and Singapore, it is also sometimes referred to as the Lantern Festival or Mooncake Festival.
The Mid-Autumn Festival falls on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month of the Chinese calendar (usually around mid- or late-September in the Gregorian calendar), a date that parallels the Autumn Equinox of the solar calendar. This is the ideal time, when the moon is at its fullest and brightest, to celebrate the abundance of the summer's harvest. The traditional food of this festival is the mooncake, of which there are many different varieties.
The Mid-Autumn Festival is one of the two most important holidays in the Chinese calendar (the other being the Chinese Lunar New Year), and is a legal holiday in several countries. Farmers celebrate the end of the summer harvesting season on this date. Traditionally, on this day, Chinese family members and friends will gather to admire the bright mid-autumn harvest moon, and eat moon cakes and pomeloes together. Accompanying the celebration, there are additional cultural or regional customs, such as:
Eating moon cakes outside under the moon
Putting pomelo rinds on one's head
Carrying brightly lit lanterns
Burning incense in reverence to deities including Chang'e
Planting Mid-Autumn trees
Collecting dandelion leaves and distributing them evenly among family members
Lighting lanterns on towers
Fire Dragon Dances

quiet anticipation

I booked my plane ticket to Lijiang yesterday, an ancient town in Yunnan province. There is something about an upcoming trip. When you know you are going to another place. A place you have never been before. There seems to be a quiet anticipation that comes over you. You feel as if you are about to be let in on a secret.

All I need is my journal in my hand, my good friend at my side and my camera. I love that I live in a country where new places are at my back door. I'm looking forward to the trains we will be taking, the villages we will be seeing, the air we will be breathing there.

I hope I can take it all in.

i want to travel here...

I just watched a documentary program on the Yi people in Yunnan province in China. I have been researching this mysterious place over the last couple weeks. Firstly, I must say that whenever I watch documentaries, I always feel so anxious and I can feel my heart starting to beat quickly. I want to be there. I just want to impulsively drop everything and go. Documentaries are dangerous that way.

After numerous conversatsions with students and people giving me some adivce, I am desperately hoping to travel here in a few weeks, as I have some holidays coming up. Yunnan is known to be one of the more unique areas of China where minority culture is still present. The more I learn about this province, the more I want to explore its territory.

Yi people are known for their open hearts, their beautiful minority songs, and their large glasses of alcohol and their overwhelming hospitality. Part of my intrique to travel here is the unique style of dress worn by the women in this area. Its hard not to be captivated by such beautfiul colours and the mysterious landscape and culture of this area.

I sometime forget how large this country is, and that the culture can be SO varied from one place to the next. Students reminded me yesterday that in China there are over 56 different dialects, which obviously lends itself to nuances in both commmunication and culture. This is one of the most fascinating things about living here. To be able to learn its history, walk on its ground and learn about its people.

full and running over...

Over the last two years that I have been living abroad and travelling, I sometimes feel like time can easily stand still for a while. Some days it feels like I'm living in this alter reality where I have control over the things I do, the places I go and how I spend my time. This is what I focus on from day to day. I find out the things I place priority on, and the other things I don't. I find out the things I value and find myself paying attention to things I never noticed before. Somedays I find it difficult to catch up with my experiences here. I often struggle to take in its significance. Just when I catch up, things change again or my perspective is challenged. Maybe I just feel behind all the time.

After pouring over pictures my Auntie sent me of my cousin's wedding, seeing family members and children grown up, I realized how much time has actually passed. It feels like so many things have happened in my family and friends lives over the last two years. My two best friends getting married, now 2 more good friends getting married in just a few weeks; my grandfather passing away; cousins getting married; my family coming to visit me when I was in Japan; friends having babies; other friends of friends geting married and having babies; people changing jobs; people moving; people changing; people staying the same.

Its strange when you step out of your familiar environment, and you see things from another side...you SEE all this happening. Sometimes I feel sad not being at home. Life is literally flashing before your eyes. But, I am realizing what an incredible gift it is to watch how life unfolds, changes and becomes something. This gets me so excited. I have begun to look for patterns that emerge, or new roads that are being travelled down. Both for myself and for the people I care about. My attention has changed. I want to know what drives us all. What motivates us. What teaches us.

Living first in Japan and now China, I feel like I have had to sacrifice so many things. Too many to count. But, I have begun to not take life for granted. To not take people for granted. I'm trying to listen to others better. To be a better friend. To learn as much as I can. Perhaps, learning to even speak less, and listen for different things.

I'm glad this whole experience still teaches me something almost every day.

keeping my eyes open...

I has been a long time since my last entry.

I guess the last few months, I have been attempting to come to turms with my experience here. Its different from my time in Japan in so many ways. Living in a city like Guangzhou has been an even more eye opening experience. At times, I don't know how to express to people at home what I see on a daily basis or what I feel. I seemingly can't give a voice to what I experience here some days. What inspired me to write this entry is a book I have been reading lately, called River Town by Peter Hessler.

Peter spent 2 years living in the remote town of Fuling, in Sichuan province in China. He speaks of his students and how he came to know Fuling throug them. He also speaks of his experiences of being amoung the few foreigners living here.

"...This was intimidating, because never in my life had I been watched so closely that every actions was replayed and evaluated. Everything we did was talked and written about. Every quirk or habit was laid bare. Students spoke about that way I always carried a water bottle to class; they spoke about how I paced the classroom as I taught; they spoke about my laugh, which they found ridiculous. They wrote about my foreign nose, which impressed them as impossibly long and straight, and many of them spoke about my blue eyes. This was perhaps the strangest detail of all, because my eyes are hazel - but, my students had read that foreigners had blue eyes, and they saw what they wanted to see. Mostly they wanted to see all of the outside world condensed into these two young waiguoren, which was what foreigners were called in Fuling."

He later described how he could not judge the students for their thoughts at the beginning of his experience there. Their background was too far removed from his.

As I read this book on my way to work most days, I feel as though I'm beginning to find my voice again. Realizing that the sometimes all consuming, ever present reality of living in China is not meant to be experienced in isolation. But, it is sure easy to feel this way. Many of Peter's experiences echo my own. Its sometimes impossible to camoflage yourself when living in China. You walk down the street and you feel peoples eyes on you. You drink your tea, and peoples eyes are on you. You make a mistake, and people will laugh. Sometimes, you just want to hide.

One thing recently that I have learned, is that every moment of my time here is a teachable moment. I am learning that China has opened its doors only recently, and being a developing country has its and signs and symptoms. I'm learning that China really is in fact and ancient country, full of mysteries and beautiful traditional culture. And I am just beginning to realize what an incredible gift it is to participate in this ever changing country. Now, the men who walk while rubbing their bare bellies, the elderly who do taichi in the park every monday, the workers who walk with the bamboo sticks on their back, the man who sleeps outside the train station and the men with the impossibly large loads on their bicycles...are beginning to teach me something valuable.

This realization also came after watching the opening ceremonies for this years Beijing Olympics. To sit amoung my students, as the ceremony was happening, in China, brought this culture to life. To see students stand as the national athem played and cheer at the Chinese team entered I began to see what I was participating in. All of a sudden, China was brought to life and put on display. The scope of this country, the minority culture, the art, the history...I want take it in. Allow this experience to wash over me, and continue learning and keeping my eyes open.

the monk...

My recent vacation took me to Shaoguan, a small city in the northern part of Guangdong province. Knowing very little about this lovely little getaway, my friends and I took the 2 hr bus ride to arrive to the beautiful countryside, surrounded by mountains.

The weekend was filled with soaking in hotsprings, long hikes in the mountains, trying local food in someones house, and lots of laughter that comes with being seemingly the only foreigner in this place. One place in particular made a memorable impression on me...Namhua Temple.

Over the last couple years, I have seen some of the most incredible and unique temples in parts of Asia that are timeless. Each has its own story, its own history and special surroundings. Namhua is no different. Only this temple had monks dwelling inside, which gave it a whole other character. I was talking to my friend about my curiosity for how monks lived and what their rooms might be like inside. Just as I was saying this, a man in a dark robe walked passed with keys in his hand.

We proceeded to ask this man if it would be alright to look inside his quarters. He welcomed us in with an inviting gesture. As we entered, his humble room was just as I had imagined it would be. A simple single bed, an old stone floor, numerous books and a small notebook at his bedside. My friend Renee graciously translated for me. He told us every morning he gets up at 4am to meditate and he does this, only taking 15 minute breaks, until 12midnight. As I look around me, I couldn't believe I was standing in a place that had been existing for over a thousand years and the monks living here live purely to meditate and tend to the grounds here.

Is it possible to live this simply? This monk was a living example of this. One thought that China is affording me is how can I simplify my life. How can I life for only what is important? Meeting this monk gave me a perspective that I have never had before. Coming back into the city, I thought how different it looked and almost strange. The buildings seemed unusually tall, and the sky grey. As I made my way back to my apartment, I took off my shoes, cleaned my room and got rid of some clothes I hadn't worn in a while, organized my books, and wrote in my journal. Finding it hard to put words on the page.

dinner with a doctor

Tonight, I had a dinner like none other in a small restraunt, next to a temple in a local area of Guangzhou. Sitting amoung me were two students who I now call friends. One woman, Ada, had helped me a few weeks ago when I needed to go to the doctors. She was not only a helpful friend, but a translator for me as well. During my brief visit to the hospital, we met Dr.Gao, a middle aged man, who, despite the misleading grungy surroundings of the hosptial, reassured me with his wise smile that he would be able to help me. Not only did he help me, but we had a great conversation - he asked me where I was from and what I thought about China. We exchanged buisiness cards and said to each other that we should meet for dinner, as he seemed very eager to practice his english. I thought nothing of it, and went along my way.

So, tonight, in this small restraunt, near a temple, my 2 friends, the doctor and I enjoyed a meal together and perhaps one of the most memorable conversations I have had.

As we were sitting there, enjoying some traditional Cantonese food, I was thinking to myself...I would never do this back home. Have dinner with my doctor! What? I was explaining this to Dr.Gao, "In Canada, its not really considered doctor-patient protocol. We come to see you, get better and then go home." The look on his face was one of shock, he said "But, why??? When I meet with my patients at work - I am their doctor. But, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I consider us to be equals with each other." I thought about this and I love China for this reason that the conventions that I have grown up with are being challenged, and as we continued our conversation, I did infact realize that we were equals.

We talked a little about traditional Chinese and Modern medicine and his feelings about this. We discussed his experiences in the hospital and a little about the Chinese healthcare system. He told me that although he doesn't have a religion he practices, he says that he can't help but feel we were all created by something greater than ourselves. He used the example of when I came to see him with my ear problem. He said that the ear has a very intrict and complex nature. There is just a small enough space that it really can only be observed from this place. He said in the 17 years he has worked at this hospital, he has experienced many things that he could not really explain. He then joked to me, "Like, meeting you for example!"

The four of us discussed Chinese culture, history and philosophy. We spoke of evolution and creationism. We exchanged in each others languages, and as we sat there, our meal finished and our tea still hot, I felt so lucky and honored to be sitting next to these people. Trying to remember the Chinese tradition of always keeping your neighbors cup full, I managed to do this and try to take in as much information as I could while listening to the doctor.

There are moments in life, I think, where something is revealed through other people. We begin to not only hear what people are saying, but we attempt to listen to the meaning behind these words. I felt myself so intrigued by their stories, their experiences and how they expressed themselves.

So, I now have a friend who is also my doctor. And, this is ok with me. Its all part of the randommess this country brings. Through this, I'm really learning in fact how unconventional and approachable China can actually be, if you allow yourself to be open and friendly to people. Today was a good day in China.

the morning after mourning...

Quite frequently, when I sit down to write, I put on this song: Al Otro Lado del Rio

I recently found out that the title translated from Spanish is "The other side of the river." I have listened to this song for past 6months, and have been unaware of the lyrics for this entire time. All I know is that this piece of music somehow helps me to get my thoughts straight, and gives me a perspective that I have never had before. As soon as I hear the opening of this music, I find myself slowing down and paying attention to my thoughts and maybe the things I have learned from the day.

I first heard this song after watching the movie "The Motorcycle Diaries." Since watching the scene where Che swims to the other side of the river to be with the people he cares about...I secretly wanted to be like that. I wanted to be in that water, swimming as best as I could, knowing that what lies on the other side was authenticity and friendship. During the past week, after the earthquake in Sichuan, there have be moments of horror, mourning, chills, victories and miracles. In the midst of all this, I had no idea what the best response would be. I think it certainly puts life into perspective and is a sobering reminder of the the things that are important. In the last three days, I have thought about this. And this is what I have come up with:

1. live for something bigger than yourself.
2. extend care to others where you have the power to.
3. be thankful for every little gift, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.
4. remind yourself of people who love and care about you.
5. remind yourself to care for the people who love and care about you.
6. listen.
7. have people in your life to help grow your talents.
8. do what you love
9. work towards something.
10. explore the other side of things.


I don't know if I will ever fully actualize any of these things. I'd like to think that I try. There is nothing like an earthquake to remind yourself that life really is fragile. Being in China has heightened this. These are the things I want to dedicate myself to. Well, the things I hope to dedicate myself to.

As I sit here and listen to the song I speak of, I don't know the words of the music, but I feel like I somehow do. The melody lets me know that everything is going to be ok, and the atmosphere that exists currently in China will pass. Why is it often tragic events that cause us to examine our lives? I wish I didn't take life for granted like I sometimes do. It really is worth savouring. Everyday. Every moment. I just wish this thought hadn't come after the fact that so many peoples lives were taken.

For the people of Sichuan.

sichuan earthquake

Today, there was an earthquake in the south western part of China. I found out through an email from a friend asking me if I was ok. I am safe and sound in my bed at the moment. I wasn't aware this even happened until just a short while ago. It is now 1am in the morning. Apparently, the earthquake happened in Sichuan province, close to the city of Chengdu at around 2:30pm this afternoon. I still know very little about all this. Only that the death toll is at an estimated 8500. I think many of my friends in China and I are just finding out about this now. This is bizarre. I'm not sure what to think at this moment.

Here I was worrying about my own, stupid problems today. I was just planning a trip to Chengdu with a friend (his hometown) at the end of this month, and something inside of me was telling me that I shouldn't be going, so I cancelled the trip yesterday. And then this happens today...

What should be our response? What can I do with myself? This is scary. I live in this country. I will need to face my students tommorrow, many of them have family and friends there. This is overwhelming...

the flame of the torch...

A few days ago, the Olympic Torch came to Guangzhou. There were many preparations around Guangzhou - including all the security and signage that comes with a big even like this. For the longest time, it didn't really seem and even like this would actually happen, since things in China often take place in what feels like a bubble. When I came into work that day, the excitement in the air was paliatable, mostly due to the students waving flags and many were wearing red as a symbol of luck for China.

I remember thinking to myself what an incredible time to be in this country. I not only could see something like this on tv, but I could stand on the street, be surrounded by waving flags and the excitement of Chinese people. I was worried that I might not be able to see it because I had a class scheduled at this time, but my student and I were honest with each other and said we would much rather go outside and see this incredible event. As soon as we stepped outside, the excitement in the air was as thick as the humidity. I saw children on their parents shoulders, teenagers with the China flag painted on their face, and crowds of people anxiously waiting on the side of the road. It was one of the first days here where I could actually see blue sky. My hair stood on end as I looked around and waited.

And then the moment came. Peoples cheering started to become louder, and louder. Hands began to clap, and flags were waved even higher. It was almost as if royality was on its way. Despite being a few rows behind from the street, through a small whole in the midst of the crowd, the torch bearer appeared. I could see his flame and as he ran he waved his hand proudly in the air. Watching this with a few of my students made this sight even more memorable. It was like something happening in slow motion. History was happening before my eyes.

To see a country come together like this, watching people's excitement and anticipation, gave me a refreshing perspective on my time here in China. I have the chance to be apart of this time of expectation, waiting for something grand and glorious.

qinyuan...

This weekend was a rest. A retreat. A time to enjoy with friends and relish in nature and sit back and enjoy the hotsprings of a place call Qinyuan (ching-u-en).

Just a few hrs outside Guangzhou, this city is what people call the "backyard" of Guangzhou. I immediately found out why. Lush, green fields, less traffic, fresh air and hotsprings. My friends and I stayed at a lovely hotel where we could spend time soaking in the hot water and , and also have the chance to enjoy good conversation, a cold beer and good food. While I thought it might be a chance to feel anonymous for a while, I knew this was out the window when I found out I was the only foreigner at the entire facility. This is always the inevitability we face in China. Still, I just enjoyed myself and once I dipped myself in the hot water, I was reminded I was on vacation, and everything melted away.

One thing I love about living in this country, I never know what I will do from day to day. Take gorge drifting for example! Part of our vacation involved going in a small rubber raft down rushing waters in the middle of a gorge in the mountains! Here I am, surrounded by thousands of Chinese people, wearing a ridiculous helmet and having the time of my life as my friend and I make it down the gorge. I realized I hadn't screamed and laughed like that in what seemed like so long. It was a complete adventure!

Even, as all of us were driving back in the car along the highway, I fely like I was back in Canada with good friends, just coming back from a trip to the mountains. The open road, a comforting sunset and music in our ears. Going on vacation, even if just overnight, seems to release something inside us. We recognize ourselves again, and we begin to lend ourselves to adventure or simply the chance to relax freely.

it was a good day in china...

As I sit here on my bed, with internet at my finger tips, I feel back to myself again. I now have more time to write, pour over ideas and wrestle with new ones.

Recently, I have been reading "Riding the Iron Rooster." About a man who travels around China by train. It has given me a real sort of perspective on the things I am seeing and the people I am encountering. Its so strange to be reading a book and already have experienced a few of the things the author mentions. Like a deja vu or something.

At times, when I am working with the students here, I feel like I experience this from time to time. Teaching english, I'm noticing, is sometimes not really about teaching at all. Its almost as if a cultural exchange is happening. I was thinking to myself as I left work today, what an incredible chance I have had over the last couple years of my life to ask questions and wrestle with ideas around language and culture. The students I have worked with have been my pipeline to these countries and a large portion of what I have learned about Japan and now China, is from them. This is also sobering, in that, the same is true that they learn about Canada through me. This is still a little scary for me but I'm realizing what a special oppourtunity it really is.

The best part of my job, I think, is helping people find a voice and giving people a chance to share their opinions and thoughts openly. This is what I look forward to when I come into work. It is sustaining. Even further, part of what I love most about my life right now is being able to examine the things I am seeing and experiencing, and attempting to come to turms with it. Obsessively attempting to document everything through photography, writing and talking with people have become my passion. The more I learn, the more I want to soak it in and try not to miss a drop.

But, as I learn more and more, I'm realizing how impossibe this actually is. And how I fail to give the right words. The more I learn about China, the less words I seem to have. My existing vocabulary doesn't lend itself to describing what I'm seeing and experiencing here. Maybe I am being taught that it is often the most impressionable experiences that teach us to listen to ourselves better and the environment around us.

On that note, I'm going to get back to my book and let the words soak in.

images from yangshuo...

yangshuo...

Everytime I have started a blog recently, it seems like so much happens between each entry and its almost next to impossible to express the things that happens and my thoughts on those events.

I'm tired of being preoccupied with small things like not having regular internet access. One of my Chinese friends has been so wonderful in helping me with this an getting it sorted out. It finally should be up and running next week so I hope to update my entries more regularly. Since, its actually this very spot that I miss the most and sharing my thoughts with you. Thanks for your patience with checking this...

As I continue to live here in China, I am reminded that it is the little things that provide sustainance here. The chances to get away and let China give something back to you.

Perhaps one of the more memorable trips I have taken, has been in the last couple weeks. I visited the city of Yangshuo. Travelling on a bus for more than 12hrs, I was beginning to wonder if the visit would be actually worth it. And, I have to interject at this point to explain to you about the bathrooms in China, because this makes/breaks any bus trip. When the bus made its first stop on the overnight trip, the doors opened, and one of the single most rank smells was released. Imagine, if you will, an outhouse aroma, times the smell by 10, add the hint of a stinging sensation in your nostrils, no toilet paper and no doors. This, in combination with having the chance to say "hi" to your neighbor as you do your business, due to the walls only being half way up. And, just for kicks, this is all taking place in the middle of the night, with a light flickering above. You just close your eyes, take a deep breath and...on second thought...just close your eyes.

Already feeling like all of this was too much, and trying to distract myself with thoughts of my friends and family, the morning light appears and China's beautiful countryside comes to life. All of a sudden, I felt surrounded by beauty, mystery, and the wonder of this country. The closer we got, the more bumpy and unpredicitable the roads became. As I gazed out my window, I could see the characteristic mountains that makes this place so unique. As the mist hugged the top of these mountains, I felt a sense of peace that came over me and I couldn't wait to explore.

After getting off the bus and making our way on a small rickshaw to the centre of the town, the scenery becomes more beautiful by the minute. We were no longer in Guangzhou. We were in the Chinese countryside. Our hotel (all of $7.00/night) was lovely. Two Chinese woman greeted us at the door, as one sat down to finish making her afternoon tea. We climbed a set of stairs to our room. We were greeted with sounds of birds and cool open air on our faces. The cool air that comes with small, mountain towns.

Walking down West Street, the smell of cafes with fresh coffee filled the air. And I heard the sounds of locals attempting to sell a pair of shoes or earrings for unearthly prices. Colourful silk products, Chinese scroll paintings and caligraphy sets lined the street. I made my way down to the end and came to the Lei River. Small bamboo boats wait at the waters edge to take tourists on the water and experience the tall and vast mountains of the region.

During my 3 day stay here, one of perhaps the most memorable travel experiences I have had to date, is taking a small bamboo raft down the Lei River here. Taking a van to the launch spot, I saw some of the most local Chinese scenery. Small, brick homes with washing hanging out to dry. Children playing along the side of the road. Buskers and beggers. Donkeys in the field. And local farmers tends to their crops.

As we went further and further away from the busy tourist street, my friends and I found ourselves completely surrounded by the tall and uniquely shaped mountains, this time the beauty is completely overwhelming. With the river acting as a reflection, it seemed as if we were floating in a National Geographic photo shoot. "This is China," I thought to myself, "This is what I have been wanting to see." It reminded me of the scenery of a painting my parents have in their living room. The painting, I think, was given to them by my grandmother, who I think visited this same area a number of years ago. I thought I had seen these mountains somewhere before.

We are gently rowed down this river, by a man and his long bamboo stick. To gaze at the scenery, I didn't dare close my eyes. The girl leading our group told us that many people in the Yangshuo area have great imaginations, giving names and sometimes idenities to the uniquely shaped mountains here. With nothing but the sound of the water, and the small talk coming from other boats, it was a wonderful experience. Almost dream like.

Making our way back to the shopping street, it came alive with a different sort of energy at night. Cafes lit up, crowds of people slowly make their way around the shops, and music blares from bars, giving the street a personality of its own.

As the few days went on, I could physically feel how my lungs opened up to breath in the mountain air that so desperately lacks in Guangzhou. As I came back to the city after another long bus ride (this time, the bus had broken down in the middle of the night, leaving all of us passengers on the side of the road for 3 hrs...lets just say...it was an experience)...Yangshuo's scenery was running through my head. And as I went to work the next afternoon, the students were eager to know about the trip. And, so I told them. I told them that when I was in Japan, Kyoto had become a favorite city of mine to visit because of the special atmosphere and mystery that seems to exist there. I said to them that Yangshuo is now in the running for this category.

Any place that you travel to, is worth it in some way or another. No matter how bad the bathrooms, more matter how long the ride and no matter how tired you are...it can all melt away when you arrive and see what you have been wanting to see.

black and white...

Yesterday, I went to a photograpy exhibit here in Guangzhou. The featured photographer had spent time in some of the most local and remote parts of China, living with the people and getting to know their stories and families.

These black and white photos were a sobering reminder of the poverty, and the same time the intense community that exists in parts of this country. The photographer had an obvious compassionate eye towards his subjects, including a small description of their life. He had spent time in a mental institution, visiting the patients. Some where locked in their rooms, others left sitting along in hallways, and some left without clothing. The photographer seemed to capture the timeless, empty expressions of those that China has not really given heed to.

Other images were of small Catholic communities found here - photos of small church groups having a service on a hill, a funeral service for a 4 year old child, portraits of women with wrinkled faces and a single candle lit in a small room praying before a cross. One thing I noticed in each of the pictures was the closeness of the people. The proximity shared by the members of the communities. Whether the photographer took pictures of workers sleeping in a field, or worshipping together in a house, or gathering around a elder who was about to pass away, all members were shown close together. All they seemingly have is each other and their faith.

Sometimes I think, in the West, we have alot of our priorities mixed up. Especially sometimes in religious sectors. We are concerned with the style of music, with pleasing people, and often trying to make oursleves look like something we are not. Why do we do this? It seems like this kind of effort is so wasted. It can cause us to take our faith for granted. We forget the value of people and community. I don't have any wise insights nor have I come to any grand conclusions after seeing these images of the very local China, but I feel different somehow. Like I don't want to take anything for granted ever again.

re-collecting

The other day I was sitting in a cafe close to my apartment and I hear a couple speaking Japanese. And I was brought back to a familiar time. Remembering the time I had spent there was valuable and hearing this language again reminded me that this experience is making an impact on me as well, but leaving a different sort of mark.

One of my friends here is about to leave China and go back to Canada. She is wondering if she has changed or if things will feel different when she gets home. This is the hardest question to answer. Change is one of the hardest things to measure, I think. For those of you reading this who have spent sometime in another country for a while or an environment that is unfamiliar to you, you can't really say to people, "Oh yes, I have changed." Often we can only feel this change inside of us. And, it is this change that is often the hardest thing to articulate to people.

I think it sometimes manifests itself in the ambiguity we feel when doing the same tasks we did before, but they seem like they are being done for the first time. Its like everything has to be relearned. You seemingly become a child again, questioning every taken for granted activity and value that you have come to know your whole life. If you allow yourself to become open to a country or its people, your thought process begins to change. Things that used to stress me out a year and a half ago, no longer do. Things I used to do a year and a half ago, I no longer do. People who are important in my life, have become even more so. Sounds I used to never hear before, are now what I want to tune my ears to. Sights I have never seen before, have caused me to see myself differently.

Recently, I have been reading "The Kite Runner," which is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I try to read it whenever I have a spare moment - on the metro to work, before bed or walking to my apartment. I find myself being lost in the story and feel disappointed everytime I must put the book down. I want to smell every page, experience every page, and let the story wash over me. I'm not sure why I'm talking about this exactly, but with every turn of the pages I begin to anticipate the events of this story and the changes that occur in the characters. With every turn of the page, the story becomes more complex and intricate. Have only lived in China for a little over 2 months and the story of this country and my experience of it keep evolving and changing . I think I come to one conclusion about this country, and another experience causes me to re-think my conclusions. And I often have to re collect myself at the end of the day.

I think its the act of re-collecting ourselves that causes us to look at the individual pieces of our lives in order to find the answers to the questions that we maybe knew all along. Now in China, I fee like the very nature of the questions I have been asking previous to this, are beginning to change.

considering the lilies...

I feel as though I have somehow returned to myself again...

I think in China it is quite possible to lose part of yourself here. Or maybe alot of yourself. Little complications, delays, hardships can seem all consuming. Having a sense of normalicy can seem so far away and without the comfort of familiar things, you feel scattered.

Just in the last 2 days have I begun to feel on top of things. I had a comforting conversation with my parents this morning, my apartment finally feels like a real home, I have undertaken Chinese lessons, and am looking into playing the keys at a pub here and finally feel more settled in my job. I now feel like I'm at a point where China has begun to be more kind to me. I have realized that there will be days that I love this country, and days where I hate this country. But, like any love/hate relationship, they are often the ones that are the deepest in our lives.

The other day when I was coming home from teaching, I felt myself having this uncontrollable grin on my face. I thought of the events of day, moments with the students that made me laugh until my sides hurt and chances to be a light in a dark corner to someone. I feel so lucky and priveledged to be at this point in my life. Here I am, in a foreign country, where I speak very little of the language and I'm attempting to make a life for myself. Somehow, there have been little reminders and little signs of encouragement that let me know that I am exactly where I need to be.

A friend reminded me the other day that when we made the decision to move away for a while, it seemed like a no brainer. Of course! How could we not seize an oppourtunity like this. But, when it comes to deciding what type of clothes to wear from day to day, why is this the most daunting task? It has made me realize that I don't need to worry about small things like that. Life is more than the clothes we wear, the kinds of coffee we drink, or the number of times we change the colour of our hair. I think this is a lesson I am re-learning daily.

Today was a good day in China.

can't take it in...

Just went I feel myself getting comfortable with my surroundings here, I am confronted with the reality of this country. On a recent day trip to the city of Foshan, about 50 minutes outside Guangzhou, my friend and I visited the main temple there, Zumiao. Having visited temples before in Japan, I was expecting something similar to come my way. As we approached the gates of the temple, sun beaming down, there was a young man sprawled out in the middle of the crowd of people, begging for money. This is not an uncommon thing in China. But, he had open sores all over his body, clubbed feet, and was slowly trying to make his way around using a board with wheels on the bottom. I have been faced with poverty before, but the image of this young man has been burned in my mind for the last week. Maybe its not even the sight of this man, but others reaction or lack there of. I include myself in the "other" category. This is the most ambiguous thing I find myself faced with here. Its as if you find every piece of your heart unraveling into many small pieces. This is always a sobering reminder for me that we often take our lives of comfort for granted, and it teaches us about the things we value and what we spend our time on. I realized today that my starbucks coffee can literally feed a family of four here...it makes me think twice about every sip I take...

for Mme. Leffelaar's class!

A friend of mine, who is a teacher in Calgary, informed her students that she has a friend who is living in China and her class compiled a list of questions for me to answer. In my limited knowledge of this country, I tried my best to answer their interesting and cute questions. I thought I should share it with you...
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Bonjour Mme. Leffelaar's class! Hello from China!! I'm excited to answer your questions about this exciting country. Your teacher tells me that you are interested to learn about Chinese food and culture! I hope you enjoy reading my answers to your excellent questions!

1. Do they have sumo wrestling in China?

Good question! Actually sumo wrestling is in Japan, another asian country where I was living before this! I think some of the main sports here are ping pong and Kung Fu! I would like to learn both but I think it might be difficult! I did go to a Kung Fu museum yesterday and it was very interesting to learn about this sport!

2. What kind of shops do you have there?

There is so many shops everywhere! In the city I live in Guangzhou (pronounced Gwang-jo) there is a fabric market, a jade market, a shoe market, and a clothing market - you can have clothes made to fit you perfectly! It is so different from shopping in Canada. You can get the price as low as you want. It makes shopping fun and exciting!

3. Is it clean in China?

To be honest, no! It is so important to wash your hands here. There sometimes alot of garbage on the streets and pollution in the air. There is the tallest building in Guangzhou close to my apartment and some days you cannot even see the top it is so polluted! Many people walk around wearing masks to protect themselves.

4. Do much people talk in English?

Many Chinese have learned English in jr high and high school, so they have some basic reading and writing skills, so they can speak a few words. But, I am taking Chinese lessons so I can ask questions and get help when I am travelling or shopping for groceries.
5. Is there better technology than you've ever seen before?

There is alot of technology here. There are many electronic stores - sometimes with 8 floors of every kind of electronic you can imagine! So many kinds of computers, cameras and toilet seat heaters! Ha.ha. You can pretty much get anything you want here.

6. What are some of the main differences in China then Canada?

The biggest difference I have noticed is that Canada has very clean air! In Canada we are so lucky to have many green trees and not too much pollution. The air is very thick here and sometimes if you have a cold or a cough it takes longer to get better. One thing that I love about China is that it is very cheap to live here. I can have a lovely Chinese meal for about $2.00CAN. In China, people also travel on the train everyday. In Alberta we don't really have a good train system, and we have to start our cars on cold winter mornings! In China, you can just hop on the train and go anywhere you like! It is fun and exciting to look out the window and see rice feilds or temples! Another interesting thing I have noticed is that in Canada, I am considered to be short amoung my friends and I have to look up when I speak to people, but in China people seem to be shorter than me! I was standing in an elevator the other day, with some important looking business men and I was taller than all of them!

7. How do you talk (crossed out) communicate to them when they only speak Chinese and you only speak English?

Good question! Since many Chinese have learned basic listening, writing and reading skills in school, they can understand generally what I am saying. My job is to help give them more vocabulary to use in conversation and situations when going to an English speaking country - example, ordering in a restraunt, telling people about Chinese traditions or giving a speech in English. Its also about giving the students more polite language when speaking with strangers or in a professional setting. Many of the students I teach are high level, and they teach me about Chinese culture. At the school I work at, we have local Chinese English teachers to help the lower level students. Its fun and interesting to work with Chinese and many other teachers from around the world - Australia, England and America.

8. What kind of house do you live in?

I live in a very nice 2 bedroom apartment with my friend from Canada. We live in downtown Guangzhou on the 20th floor, and our view is of a large park below. And there is a train station close by, and many cheap restraunts below. But, its a little cold now because many apartments here do not have indoor heating! Its only 8 degrees, but its hard to stay warm, so I have to have a space heater in my room to stay warm. And I drink alot of tea and coffee, which also helps. And I frequently wear a toque to bed! Ha.Ha. But, its not so bad!

9. Have you been on the Great wall of China?

No! I live in southern China, and the Great Wall in more Northern and a little far away! But, I really want to go when it gets warmer! That is one of my goals while living here! I would love to climb the great wall!

10. Do you like their food? (I love won-ton soup!!!!-from Marya)

Marya, I like won-ton soup too! Traditional Chinese food is so delicious! And very cheap. While some can be a little strange (chicken feet or ducks head or pig insides!), most is very tasty! My favorite so far is Hong Kong style peanut curry!

11. Is there clothing different then ours?

It seems that their clothing is very simliar to ours in Canada. What is very different, however, is the hairstyles! Some of the craziest I have seen. Some girls have pink hair, some have very big hair and others style their hair like a cartoon character! Its sometimes very strange, but very entertaining!

12. Are there lots or any hotels there?

Yes, China is a very popular place for people to travel, so there are many hotels and hostels for tourists. You can stay in very traditional Chinese hotels or very new and contempory hotels. Lots of variety!

13. Do you eat a lot of rice? Do they have McDonalds?

Yes, I eat alot of rice. Its one of China's staple foods. Its used to compliment many styles of food here. I have never eaten as much rice before! And also McDonalds is everywhere. It seems at every corner there is one. They have the regular cheesburger and chicken McNuggets, but they also have Chinese style food too. Its a little expensive so I try not to eat there, but the Chinese sure seem to like it. Its always busy. And it seems like everytime I go in, many of the children like to look at me because I am a foreigner and they see I look different from them. They often like to say "hello" in English to me and watch me eat! It feels a little strange sometimes. But I know they are just curious.

14. How's it going with the language thing? Can you send us some words?

It is difficult sometimes because I don't know alot of Chinese. I would like to study the language and be friendly to the local people here. But I have learned some basic words to help me with day to day living.

Here is some Chinese for you to practice with your friends (I don't know very much!):

Ni-how (hello)
Shey-Shey (thank you)
Bye-Bye (goodbye - yes, its like English!)

Once I learn more, I will let you know!

15. What is the culture like?

The Chinese are mostly very friendly and outgoing. I have noticed they like to have a goodtime and laugh and play games. But, its very interesting, they can be very loud sometimes. And I sometimes can't tell if they are angry or really really happy! I don't know alot about the culture yet because I have only been here for a month. But, I do know that the Chinese like to eat, be together and laugh together. Its fun to watch Chinese interact together - there is sometimes alot of shouting! And I have notice that no one really waits in line here - many people just push to get on the subway. Its sometimes very crazy, but entertaining!

16. Have you ever eaten a frog leg?

Yes, but not in China! I've heard frog is popular though! I also heard that cocroach and pigeon is a local specialty as well! Sounds a little scary to me though!

17. What does it look/smell like?

China is a little bit hazy looking. Not as clear as Canada. Like I said before, there is alot of pollution here. Smell like? Oh. That's tough. Maybe soya sauce!!

18. What is the weather like right now?

Its about 8 degrees celcius right now in Guangzhou. Not as cold as Alberta, but remember there is no indoor heating in apartments here, so its a bit chilly! Since I am in southern China, I've heard the weather gets to be up to the 40's in summer! And you feel very sticky all the time, because of the humidity! I'm not excited about that, but its a good time to go to the beach or visit a resort somewhere!

All in all - China is an exciting place - many things to see and do here! I hope I answered your questions and helped you understand a little about Chinese culture! Feel free to ask me more! I hope you enjoy studying about China. I'm sure Mme. Leffelaar is a great teacher! You should defanitely come to China one day to experience its beauty and people! Until next time!

happy chinese new year...

In the midst of the cool weather, the chinese all seem to come out and walk the streets to enjoy the beauty of the flower market in Guangzhou and celebrate the new year with fireworks and good food. I never thought coming to China that I would get to experience another new year! I couldn't help but feel excited last night watching the fireworks from my apartment window...thinking that it was giving me a fresh start for my journey here in China. Full of new beginnings and challenges, but mostly having the chance to explore another part of the world.

The last few days a have had the chance to visit the flower market here in Guangzhou with one of my new Chinese friends here. Every flower that you can imagine, of every colour, lines the street of Beijjing lou. People shouting at you from every direction to get you to buy their flowers. Orchids, roses, lillys are just a few of the flowers that you can feast your eyes on. Red lanterns hang from the trees above and the smell of incense is in the air. The air is cold, but the atmosphere is warm and rich.

My friend Susan, a local Chinese girl who knows the Big man, invited me to visit a local market here so we could buy food for our new years dinner. Little did I know the sights I would be seeing there. Every kind of fish you can imagine, fresh veggies and fruit, peeking duck, and chicken. I will never look at chicken the same. Its is so fresh here, that you can pick your live chicken from the cage, the shop owner will kill it for you, and they take all the insides out and prepare it for you. I found I couldn't take me eyes off this whole process! As we walked back to the apartment, I tried to take in our surroundings. A very local area of GZ, like nothing I had seen before. Local Chinese men playing cards near their shop, a woman carrying a large bag of rice on her shoulders, and children playing with firecrackers on the street.We brought back all of our findings to her apartment and I was taught the fine art of Chinese cooking. We prepared fish, tofu, ginger, cilantro, chicken, beef. We gathered around a small table in the humble surroundings and enjoyed the hot pot together. I felt so thankful for the food and company in front of me.

Chinese new year has brought new things already, but has also reminded me of the importance of friendship and community. Even though the local Chinese here are probably not making alot of money, they do not even hesitate to give the best of what they have. This in itself is such a huge gift. Happy Chinese New Year!

random chills...

At the mercy of the Starbucks internet, and the buzz my coffee is providing, I sit here again, warmed by the atmosphere, but chilled at the reality that I am seeing infront of me.

Over the last couple days, I have moved into my apartment at Tienhu Garden. I have a lovely view of the green park, twenty floors below. Many restraunts and small shops just waiting for me to visit. Finally! I have managed to set up my room, and get a few odds and ends tied up, but as I think about my apartment there is still so much that needs to be accomplished. I have no plates, no cutlery, no clean water, no carpet, no plants. But, none of this seems to matter at the moment. Is it possible that my aparment is colder than it is actually outside? Yes! In China, there is no central heating. We are left to be affectionately close to our space heaters and hot water bottles. I think I saw my breath last night as I went to sleep.

There are little mundane tasks that have been taking up more time than I ever anticipated. This is China, I'm learning.

My stomach is feeling funny. China funny. I need vegtables. And have a particular strange craving for broccoli.

Why is everyone staring at me?

Can I just have some food that actually tastes like what it looks like?

This time of year also seems to bring a wet kind of cold in the air. And there seems to be an ever present grey in the sky. As I look out the window, there are so many people rushing by to go home for Chinese new Year. But, as has been splashed all over the news here, many people have been left stranded over the last few days, due to trains being delayed or canceled. As I have made my way to work in the morning, I noticed seemingly hundreds of families with small children and couples, sleep on the train station floor, or huddled together as they wait for their train. It is quite a sight to see people stranded before the holidays. Maybe this is what has left a chill inside me.

I just feel a bit weary today. Its just with things feeling unsettled still, and not having some of my basic needs worked out quite yet, this chill can't seem to be comforted. Not everyday will be like this. Not everyday will be like this. Not everyday will be like this...

some perspective...

Sometimes I stress about money. Worrying about the future, sometimes to much and tonight, I feel like I was given a sobering perspective...and reminded again that I am in China...

As you know, the company I work for has allowed me to stay in a hotel here for 2 weeks before I settle into my apartment here. A couple days ago, I came back to my hotel room and noticed that my cosmetic container was missing. The hotel receptionist later informed me that as the women who were cleaning my room, they knocked over my makeup case and my foundation shattered on the floor. At first, I found myself a little annoyed because makeup for foreigners here is apparently a little difficult to find. Most foundation is a very yellow sort of tone, where foreign skin is more pinky. The hotel staff asked me how much it might cost. I said, that it was probably around 200RMB (about $28.00CAN)

She told me that was a little expensive, but she said she would try her best to reimburse me for this as soon as she could.

After that, I left the hotel for a bit to run some errands, a little annoyed but not thinking much of the incident.

I came back tonight and just grabbed a quick snack from the hotel lobby. Another staff girl said, "Oh, I wanted to talk to you about the accident that happened in your room. You see, we don't know what to do because the housekeeping staffs salary is very low, and the can't afford to pay you the amount of your makeup..." She seemed so worried and scared to tell me.

My heart sank. Here I am, a Canadian, staying in a beautiful hotel and with a job awaiting me that is considered to above what a local teacher would make here, and I was concerned over a small, insignificant, material thing? This little, insignificant thing could mean that some one would not be getting paid that day, or having a meal with their family. Gosh. I live in China. I forget that this kind of disparity exists here. I immediately told the hotel staff not to worry a bit. I really didn't care at all. And she seemed relieved to hear that.

Suddenly, my worries and cares of the day don't seem so big. A mere inconvience to me, could mean a much bigger consequence (is that the right word?) to someone else.

the hue of Mrs. Hu...

Today was a stressful day. Today, I made a decision on my apartment here. Why did it feel like such a bigger decision than just an apartment? As I sat down with the real estate agent, the translater and my new land lady, Mrs.Hu, I could feel myself getting anxious. I have to be honest, I could feel myself breaking a sweat a couple times.

The translator walked me through the contract, which was both in English and Chinese, and we negotiated the furniture in the apartment, the rent, and the nuts and bolts of an apartment here. Its more emotionally exhausting than anything else. I found that I really had to muster everything in me. The reasoning part of my brain has no reasoning left at the moment. I may or may not have this apartment secured by Wednesday morning, if we time everything right.

Everytime Mrs.Hu was addressing my translator, I got the strong impression that she seemed to be angry about something. I kept asking myself, why is she so angry? She keeps getting louder and louder, and her eye contact is stronger and stronger, and she keeps pointing at me in a seeming aggressive manner...Even though I couldn't understand a word Mrs.Hu was saying, I felt something was the matter...

I must have asked Sophia, the translator, about 3 times "Is she angry? Why is she so upset?" Sophia then reassured me, you have to understand that with older Chinese women, they may come across as angry or aggressive in their speech, but really they are not angry at all. Nor are they upset by any means. Thats just how they are! And that just how they communicate. Sophia also told me that she was just talking about where I can pay my water and gas bill each month. Not such a big deal.

When I was in my first few months in Japan, even though I new very little of the language initially, I felt like I began to understand the Japanese personality in a way. It was almost easy to get a sense of their interactions with people, and their nature, and their relationship to their environment - mostly, I based my conclusions on how they spoke and how they behaved. The language itself seems to be very indirect, and often softer. So, when they get upset or excited, it is written all over their face!Whether or not my conclusions were right or wrong, I don't know about that. But, I did get a sense of Japanese culture based on how they spoke and their tone of voice.

In China, largely because I don't know the language yet, I'm finding it so difficult to make sense of the Chinese. Are they angry? I don't know. Are they happy? I don't know.

As I walked out of the real estate office today, my knees felt weak, I felt exhausted. In the midst of adjusting to life here, I feel like I'm also trying to figure out what the personality of this country is. Can I make sense of it all? Can I figure out the people around me?

Will I get this confused look off my face anytime soon? I will keep you posted.

just a thought...

...like any decision we know might change our lives, why is it that when we make that decision we seem to immediately or instantly regret it? We want to pull out or hide away. In the midst of making a seemingly big decision here, one that I think I will love, why am I so scared? Apartment hunting is not just about finding a place to live, I'm realizing. Its about...something more than that. Haven't quite figured out what that is yet...

apartment hunting

Today was the first day of my apartment hunting. My company hires someone to take me around an look for a place. So, here I was today, wandering the streets with these 2 small Chinese women, and a translator, looking around at apartments in the city. What is wonderful about China is that alot of the apartments here come furnished already - a bed, cabinets, t.v, dining room table! Everything you need is pretty much there. And while some places can be absolute dives, some can be quite beautiful and so cheap!! I must have looked at about 6 apartments today. Some dives, some very elegant and quite becoming. The translator who came with us, Justin (his english name), was so helpful, and he gave me good hints about the area in terms of restraunts, banks, grocery stores. Alot of the apartments here have beautiful surrounding gardens and a lovely courtyard with children playing in the area.

As I was looking around one apartment towards the end of the day - marble floors, 1 bedrrom, spacious living area and small dining area, I was thinking an apartment like this would probably cost about $1000/month, but in China it about 1/4 of the price! And its furnished. What is even more interesting, is that I have to go for an interview with the manager of the building, so he can get a sense of my "personality" (as Justin put it) and I can try to barter and get the price even lower. I have never been in the position of going around with a real estate agent looking for an apartment that best suits me and my needs and wants. Its kind of scary thing, but its also so exciting. I can shape my experience here how I want it. And I can find a place that I feel good and comfortable in.

Even more scary is working through the question of am I ready to live on my own, or am I still wanting to live with someone else? I haven't answered this question yet. Or maybe I have...

China...thus far...

To all my friends and family, I loved seeing you over the holidays - even if it was just for a short time, it truely sustained me. I feel so supported by all of you and I carry that with me wherever I go, I want you to know that.

I have arrived in China! Safe and sound. And, in a strange way, I feel a bit more like myself again...in a foreign land. Realizing this is where I'm at, at this stage in my life. Just thought I would give you a sort of detailed blog from the last few days.

I can't believe I am standing on China's ground. Coming to terms with its sights. Smelling the smells. Taking in the people. Learning the behavior. Trying to cope with the unexpected and starting a new chapter in my life. I was reading something about culture shock this morning, and it said that after spending and extended time in another culture or environment, when you return to your familiair environment, you often feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to act, what to say or do. I felt this tension a little when I was home. Having been in Japan for a while, and now attempting to take on this new challenge in China...as scary as it is...I feel like I have somehow returned to myself again. My explorer self...the part of me that I have missed these last few weeks.

After long hours of flying, many transfers, heavy baggage and raw hands, I arrived to a smoggy Hong Kong. Feeling tired but excited, I stepped off the plane and was greeted by the 25degree humidity. After finally finding my friend Megan, crying and hugging for a bit, we made our way to the hotel to spend the night in Hong Kong. Hong Kong is a city that reminded me a little of Osaka. And yet I am already starting to see some major differences between these 2 countries. There is such a greater presence of foreigners of all kind here, everywhere you go. And pollution - its everywhere. You can see it in the air and feel it creep into your nostrils. Hong Kong is a lively city - the skyline and the harbour and the bright lights. Ican't wait to explore it further in the future.

The next day, Megan and I made our way to Guangzhou (pron - GWANG-JO) on the train, and I further began to see how much different this experience will be from Japan. Here, it seems like you need your passport for everything. And there is an obvious presence of security and police here. And I'm wondering the wholhe time - do I feel safe or should I be afraid? I look out the window on the train, and not only see some of the most beautiful rolling hills I have seen, but I also see old people along the side of the road and in run down homes. I see piles of garbage and children urinating against a brick wall. Going to the washroom on the train was an even bigger shock, and I found myself not only trying to "aim" in the direction of the squat toilet, but noticing that I can see the train tracks at the bottom!

Learning that this country has little surprises here and there, having to get another visa (apparently Hong Kong is like its own country, so you need to get multiple entry type...), and being scared out of my pants that I couldn't cross the border at Guangzhou, just added to the gong show quality of my experience so far. Then, loosing Megan at the point for about an hour after crossing the border, in a crowded, unfamiliar train station, where I didn't know the language...well, I will just leave it to your imagination how I felt. And yet, as soon I remember myself saying, "God, I don't know what to do...I need your hand" - He came, and grabbed it, and there was Megan around the corner!

We then made our way to her apartment in a taxi. I was struck by the apparent no rule driving in GZ. I may have grabbed the "Oh shit handle" more than a few times! Once arriving at Megan apartment just outside the city, I was completely taken by the tropical and lush green view from her balcony and the beautiful marble floors. No city noise, only the sound of children playing in the courtyard, and neighbors singing to the tune of something or other. Time to FINALLY have a shower and send an email or two and relax. One of Megans roomates went to the Red Lantern to get some kung-pow chicken for us to eat that evening...so good...i love china already.

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I met my assigned TLC person for English First the next day, and she took me to my hotel in downtown Guangzhou. You know the displays in IKEA catalogue? Yep. Thats my hotel room!!

ITs a new hotel in the city, and it feels so comfortable and lovely! Lots of desk space to work on my computer, and a lovely white bed to look out the window. Susan was so welcoming. And she is a follower, both of us recognized this somehow in each other when we first met. She then took me out for lunch, and let me know that she can answer any questions I might have about living in China over the next year. I wish you all could meet her.

Susan introduced me to another teacher, Dina, and she informed us that the next day we would be taking a tour of GZ the next day, courtesy of English First! We could sleep in, and at 2:30 we were met by the tour guide, Luna. This, is when I began to see, with my eyes wide open , the real Guangzhou.

Camera in hand, I didn't want to miss a thing. Luna taught us how to use the Metro which is so easy! I'm so glad to have conquered the Osaka subway. In a way its primed me for this. We made our way to the 3 Trees Temple, which houses the biggest buddha in GZ. Already, I see the older quality of China, and the ornamental character that makes up the temples here. Many of Asian philosophies and supersitions are present here, which I find so interesting, but so see the little nuances that separate Japan and China is even more fascinating. We wandered the grounds of the temple, and then hailed a taxi, almost lost our life (seriously!), and walked down a busy shopping street.

We were greeted by buskers, food stalls and many many people! The sights, sounds and smells are all encompassing. Octopus on a stick, people shouting, duck hanging from a hook, dim-sum, large red lanterns all around, and the smell of...well...something strange in the air, made for an eye opening experience! Just when I thought that was it...Luna led us down a side street...at the very heart of the city. I noticed a change straight away from the commercial street.

Children and families line the street, trying to sell various good. Baskets of spices. Fish. Pets in cages(well...animals...but, I mean, come on, this is China -they are probably someones dinner.) Children with no shoes. Unrecognizable smells. Bicycles whiz by. I look up and see some of the most run down homes I have ever seen. Old men, using an old crate, try to beat each other at a card game that has probably been going on for years. And a man with clubed feet, looks me in the eyes, wanting any money I have money. And a little boy stops to let his father help him urinate along the corner of the street.

And I walk by, look down, at my clean, untouched, western, north american shoes...

Also, since GZ is the adoption capital of China, we saw many North American parents with Asian children in their arms, as we walk to Shamen Island, which has a kind of European feel.

After our welcome cantonese dinner, complete with duck and pigeon (which surprisingly tastes alot like chicken), we walked around a few of the quaint Chinese shops - filled with dresses, silk screens and jewellery, we took the metro back to the hotel.

I felt so thankful these last few days, to feel so warmly welcomed to China. I'm sure the next few weeks, with finding my apartment and getting settled into my job will be full of new experiences as well. Hopefully, experiences that don't involved the "Oh, sh** handle" too many times.

xo.