full and running over...

Over the last two years that I have been living abroad and travelling, I sometimes feel like time can easily stand still for a while. Some days it feels like I'm living in this alter reality where I have control over the things I do, the places I go and how I spend my time. This is what I focus on from day to day. I find out the things I place priority on, and the other things I don't. I find out the things I value and find myself paying attention to things I never noticed before. Somedays I find it difficult to catch up with my experiences here. I often struggle to take in its significance. Just when I catch up, things change again or my perspective is challenged. Maybe I just feel behind all the time.

After pouring over pictures my Auntie sent me of my cousin's wedding, seeing family members and children grown up, I realized how much time has actually passed. It feels like so many things have happened in my family and friends lives over the last two years. My two best friends getting married, now 2 more good friends getting married in just a few weeks; my grandfather passing away; cousins getting married; my family coming to visit me when I was in Japan; friends having babies; other friends of friends geting married and having babies; people changing jobs; people moving; people changing; people staying the same.

Its strange when you step out of your familiar environment, and you see things from another side...you SEE all this happening. Sometimes I feel sad not being at home. Life is literally flashing before your eyes. But, I am realizing what an incredible gift it is to watch how life unfolds, changes and becomes something. This gets me so excited. I have begun to look for patterns that emerge, or new roads that are being travelled down. Both for myself and for the people I care about. My attention has changed. I want to know what drives us all. What motivates us. What teaches us.

Living first in Japan and now China, I feel like I have had to sacrifice so many things. Too many to count. But, I have begun to not take life for granted. To not take people for granted. I'm trying to listen to others better. To be a better friend. To learn as much as I can. Perhaps, learning to even speak less, and listen for different things.

I'm glad this whole experience still teaches me something almost every day.