keeping my eyes open...

I has been a long time since my last entry.

I guess the last few months, I have been attempting to come to turms with my experience here. Its different from my time in Japan in so many ways. Living in a city like Guangzhou has been an even more eye opening experience. At times, I don't know how to express to people at home what I see on a daily basis or what I feel. I seemingly can't give a voice to what I experience here some days. What inspired me to write this entry is a book I have been reading lately, called River Town by Peter Hessler.

Peter spent 2 years living in the remote town of Fuling, in Sichuan province in China. He speaks of his students and how he came to know Fuling throug them. He also speaks of his experiences of being amoung the few foreigners living here.

"...This was intimidating, because never in my life had I been watched so closely that every actions was replayed and evaluated. Everything we did was talked and written about. Every quirk or habit was laid bare. Students spoke about that way I always carried a water bottle to class; they spoke about how I paced the classroom as I taught; they spoke about my laugh, which they found ridiculous. They wrote about my foreign nose, which impressed them as impossibly long and straight, and many of them spoke about my blue eyes. This was perhaps the strangest detail of all, because my eyes are hazel - but, my students had read that foreigners had blue eyes, and they saw what they wanted to see. Mostly they wanted to see all of the outside world condensed into these two young waiguoren, which was what foreigners were called in Fuling."

He later described how he could not judge the students for their thoughts at the beginning of his experience there. Their background was too far removed from his.

As I read this book on my way to work most days, I feel as though I'm beginning to find my voice again. Realizing that the sometimes all consuming, ever present reality of living in China is not meant to be experienced in isolation. But, it is sure easy to feel this way. Many of Peter's experiences echo my own. Its sometimes impossible to camoflage yourself when living in China. You walk down the street and you feel peoples eyes on you. You drink your tea, and peoples eyes are on you. You make a mistake, and people will laugh. Sometimes, you just want to hide.

One thing recently that I have learned, is that every moment of my time here is a teachable moment. I am learning that China has opened its doors only recently, and being a developing country has its and signs and symptoms. I'm learning that China really is in fact and ancient country, full of mysteries and beautiful traditional culture. And I am just beginning to realize what an incredible gift it is to participate in this ever changing country. Now, the men who walk while rubbing their bare bellies, the elderly who do taichi in the park every monday, the workers who walk with the bamboo sticks on their back, the man who sleeps outside the train station and the men with the impossibly large loads on their bicycles...are beginning to teach me something valuable.

This realization also came after watching the opening ceremonies for this years Beijing Olympics. To sit amoung my students, as the ceremony was happening, in China, brought this culture to life. To see students stand as the national athem played and cheer at the Chinese team entered I began to see what I was participating in. All of a sudden, China was brought to life and put on display. The scope of this country, the minority culture, the art, the history...I want take it in. Allow this experience to wash over me, and continue learning and keeping my eyes open.