As I have just under 5 days left before I go home, its really difficult to put into words what I am feeling. This past year, I have noticed that I have not updated this blog as often as I had hoped. Only feeling the need to write when I thought necessary. Some thoughts I just could not keep up with.
This time of year is always a time of seasons changing, new things beginning and others ending. With these changes comes excitement, some anxiety and trying to remind myself to keep my eyes open. As I am 26 now, I never thought I would be in China, having adventures, travelling, seeing and learning new things. And, I love it.
I think this is what it feels like to hold life by the hand, knowing that its this intimate journey that takes place. Learning my weaknesses and strengths, growing into myself and loving where I am. I'm anxious to be going home, in a way, because life has transformed in a way. The world has become more real than I ever could have imagined. More scary. More exciting. More adventurous. More beautiful. More strange. More...majestic. I never know what each day will bring.
Sometimes it can be scary to stare life in the face. You begin to see it for what it is, and it sees you for who you are. Living in China has given me so many lessons about life I think. I was talking with my mom on the phone the other day and we were saying...why do I put myself through all this drama? Living in a foreign country, when I don't speak a good portion of the language, dealing with cultural differences, attempting to calm down my crazy landlady, trying to deal problems that I would probably never encounter otherwise and finally, being away from my friends and family for long periods of time. Here is a secret: I wonder about these same things all the time. And I get alot of "You are so brave to be doing what you are doing."
Here is the conclusion I have come to: I am not really that brave. In fact, I think God is continually teaching me to depend on Him, in a very tangible way. I've realized that I can't do anything without Him beside me. I feel that I can't ever take anything for granted again. Everything from the clothes on my back, to the bed I sleep in.
Life really is this precious thing. I think travelling helps me to see this more clearly. As I look back at my pictures from this past year in China, I've been to some beautiful places and done some worthwhile things. I've seen the mountains of Yangshou, walked along the streets of the ancient town of Lijiang, heard the minority music of Yunnan province, visited a monk's room, seen the bright lights of Hong Kong, walked along the Great Wall, swam in the south China Sea, and rode a motorcycle in Vietnam. And the best part...is that my time in China isn't over. Its just changing, shifting now. There is something about this country that has me hooked. And this curiosity cannot just be satisfied in just a short time.
The next part of my journey here will be moving to the north of China, to Beijing! I can't even begin to imagine how life will continue to unfold this next year. All I know is, I am ready to go home for a few weeks to see the people I love the most. Wow. It has been almost a year....
1 comment:
you're home!
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