the hue of Mrs. Hu...

Today was a stressful day. Today, I made a decision on my apartment here. Why did it feel like such a bigger decision than just an apartment? As I sat down with the real estate agent, the translater and my new land lady, Mrs.Hu, I could feel myself getting anxious. I have to be honest, I could feel myself breaking a sweat a couple times.

The translator walked me through the contract, which was both in English and Chinese, and we negotiated the furniture in the apartment, the rent, and the nuts and bolts of an apartment here. Its more emotionally exhausting than anything else. I found that I really had to muster everything in me. The reasoning part of my brain has no reasoning left at the moment. I may or may not have this apartment secured by Wednesday morning, if we time everything right.

Everytime Mrs.Hu was addressing my translator, I got the strong impression that she seemed to be angry about something. I kept asking myself, why is she so angry? She keeps getting louder and louder, and her eye contact is stronger and stronger, and she keeps pointing at me in a seeming aggressive manner...Even though I couldn't understand a word Mrs.Hu was saying, I felt something was the matter...

I must have asked Sophia, the translator, about 3 times "Is she angry? Why is she so upset?" Sophia then reassured me, you have to understand that with older Chinese women, they may come across as angry or aggressive in their speech, but really they are not angry at all. Nor are they upset by any means. Thats just how they are! And that just how they communicate. Sophia also told me that she was just talking about where I can pay my water and gas bill each month. Not such a big deal.

When I was in my first few months in Japan, even though I new very little of the language initially, I felt like I began to understand the Japanese personality in a way. It was almost easy to get a sense of their interactions with people, and their nature, and their relationship to their environment - mostly, I based my conclusions on how they spoke and how they behaved. The language itself seems to be very indirect, and often softer. So, when they get upset or excited, it is written all over their face!Whether or not my conclusions were right or wrong, I don't know about that. But, I did get a sense of Japanese culture based on how they spoke and their tone of voice.

In China, largely because I don't know the language yet, I'm finding it so difficult to make sense of the Chinese. Are they angry? I don't know. Are they happy? I don't know.

As I walked out of the real estate office today, my knees felt weak, I felt exhausted. In the midst of adjusting to life here, I feel like I'm also trying to figure out what the personality of this country is. Can I make sense of it all? Can I figure out the people around me?

Will I get this confused look off my face anytime soon? I will keep you posted.