"look how they shine for you..."

I go home in 16 days. Visiting home and anticipating seeing my family and friends again always brings with it so many feelings and thoughts. I can't believe this year has come full circle. I think of all the things I have done this year, I sit back and smile. I wanted to share with you my most favorite moments...

...moving into my very own apartment for the first time, and in Beijing, and being completely freaked out.

...the feeling I had sleeping in my apartment for the first night.

...after a few months of living in Beijing, discovering my favorite hutong Nan Luo Guo Xiang, and walking down this street to discover some of my favorite shops in the city.

...having one of my best friends come to visit me.

...being invited into a strangers home in Xinjiang province, the furthest into the middle east I have ever been, and having a feast of grapes, tea and local treats. Also, hearing a different language around me made me realize how big China really is and how small I am.

...one of my student's telling me something beautiful about herself.

...going on dates.

...sharing my music with people

...teaching a class about "home" and hearing the students share stories about what they love most about their families and hometowns.

...artificially induced snow in november.

...laughing so hard with friends I couldn't breathe.

...Nancy

...swimming in the ocean in Thailand, while the sun was setting.

...reading "The Shack"

....reading my journal from this past year and laughing and crying all at once.

...breaking into song with a friend on the subway on Christmas Eve in Beijing, and having people join in.

...a friend and I telling each other we could tell each other travel stories at any time and that we would always listen.

...a student who didn't really rub me the right way, coming up to me on Christmas Eve and instead of shaking my hand, gave me a great big hug.

...riding my bicycle down the streets of beijing in a downpour.

...growing more.

...writing my letter of intent for graduate school and having butterflies in my stomach.

...collecting more stamps in my passport

...creating more music

...seeing my mom's face at the airport in Beijing.

...dad's bear hugs.

...becoming more afraid and less afraid at the same time

...going to church at a restaurant every Sunday and loving it.

...getting hand written letters from my grandma.

...Christmas Day with good friends in Beijing.

Miles away...

Miles away…

I am currently at work, listening to the Bing Crosby Christmas album. This is a huge mistake when you are living in a foreign country. Huge! I am imagining people at home drinking hot chocolate, doing Christmas shopping, having family get togethers and all the good things of home. Why do I put myself through this agony? There are songs that I will refuse to listen to while living away – “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” has just been put at the top! Do me a favor today, wherever you are right now, find this song, listen to it – and you will understand my slow death.

Thank you Bing Crosby, for the palatable homesickness I feel at this moment.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of Yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Honestly, I love this song. More than I can say. It just causes me to put up more snowflakes in my apartment and continue hanging my twinkly lights, and call my friend to continue making our “Christmas in Beijing” plans. Crisis averted.

Soon it will be Christmas Day...

Soon it will be Christmas Day…

So much happens between my posts these days. One of the unique challenges this country gives me is a lack of access to my blog. Thanks to my friend Jacinda for posting this for me. There is so much on my mind these days.

My parents came to China. This was such a gift for me. We traveled around together for about two weeks. Having them with me in this country made me realize a couple things. Things have changed again between my parents and I. I feel a stronger sense of responsibility to take care of them. I felt this more strongly than I have ever before. I don’t know if it just because I’m growing or if China is teaching me these kind of values, but all I know is I love it.

I also was reminded again of what I’m doing over here is really unique. My job, my interactions with people from other cultures, attempting to speak Chinese and make my way around this country. I sometimes lose perspective here, but all it took was my parents to give me hug to say, “I’m so proud of you.” As the three of us celebrated a kind of belated 27^th birthday for me, never did we all think that we would be in China!

I was reminded again of the mysteries and complexities of this country, as we traveled through the cities of Xian and Shanghai, and cruised down the Yangtze River. This country continually intrigues me, confuses me, and sobers me. To have my parents alongside me, seeing the things I confront here, gives me a kind of comfort. Knowing its not only my own eyes that have experienced China, but those who are closest to me as well.

Just as the seasons change before our eyes, so do the seasons in our own lives as well. I have officially begun the process of applying to graduate school. A process that has really caused me to thing about what my time abroad has meant to me, and what it means for my future. I have become passionate about Adult Education, specifically ESL students. As I was writing my letter of intent, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all I have accomplished these past few years – teaching, growing, learning, traveling. I heard a quote from a friend one time, “You never know what ship you will bring home.” I had no idea that living abroad would change my life like it has. I’m just learning I need to trust God with whatever the outcome for school next year.

As Christmas is now approaching in the next few weeks, and I will be in Beijing for the holidays, it causing me to think about all that has happened this past year and what is to come in 2010. I feel so thankful to be where I am, doing what I’m doing, and being constantly exercised in my faith. I decorated my apartment for Christmas the other night, foolishly put on Christmas music (not good for homesickness), and poured myself a glass of wine. I’m thinking about how I will celebrate this year, with my friends and my church here, and feeling so thankful to have such good people in my life over here.

I hope this post finds each of my friends and family well. I hope as we all prepare for Christmas that we will each find Christ in new ways this year. Thinking of you in Beijing.