east coast reflections

My travels in Canada have now brought me to the very east coast - Nova Scotia! It's my first time to visit these parts and I can already say that I have fallen in love with this place. While the air is cold, and its been cloudy my first day here...the hospitality of locals is warm and the landscapes are decorated with colorful homes and rocky shores.

My friend Jolene and I went to Peggy's cove, just outside Halifax, and found myself in a seemingly different world. Peggy's cove has the lighthouse that you often see in token postcard images of Nova Scotia. This is the furthest east I have ever been in Canada. Its really exciting and refreshing to seen entirely different side of where you are from. Life is slower here, people are approachable and lovely. I've always had a sort of affinity to the ocean, and the east coast has certainly drawn me in.

We drove around downtown Halifax and Jolene told me story upon story of this historic coastal city. It feels almost European in a way - small streets, colorful old homes and dimly lit pubs on every corner. Everything is within walking distance. Spending time around the city today, made me feel like I had the whole place to myself. Small boutiques, flower shops, book stores, Halifax is just waiting to be explored. It's charm is displayed on every corner.

Even more charming are the ducks outside my window. I am loving the east coast.

in between time zones

I'm home, and oh...so...jet lagged.

Its such a confusing and ambiguous thing, this jet lag. To feel in between two worlds at once. I'm trying to adjust to one world, while still feeling very much invested in the other. My body is here, but my mind is...elsewhere.

I love aspects of both these places. In China, having friends from various corners of the world allows me to see things from so many different perspectives. I have first hand access to another culture, engaging in conversations I would never have back home, enjoying the unpredictability of each day, and having travel at my doorstep. In Canada, I have my family, the comfortability of home, heart to hearts with my dad, the presence of close friends, roots, the sense of being grounded and known. I value both places.

Of course, there are aspects of these places as well that I really struggle with. In China, there is the daily challenge of making myself understood while coming to terms with a culture that I will never fully understand, not to mention not seeing my family for a year at a time . When I'm home in Canada, I sometimes find I'm a stranger looking from the outside in, on the familiarity that I once completely identified with.

I guess being jet lagged does have it's perks. It makes me realize that in this experience of living in one country while having my roots in another...I can't take anything for granted any more. I have to remember that with every experience in life, I need to live it with eyes wide open, to treat every circumstance as one that I can learn from.

Ok, so jet leg isn't so bad after all.

looming memories in empty walls

Is it possible that a place can heal a person? Well, that's how I feel about my apartment in Beijing. Its the first place that I have lived on my own, and while the initial idea scared the life out of me...it actually ended up bringing life to me. Living on my own has allowed me to truly be my self in a place of my own. As I'm about to move out of this place in a few days, and I see these now empty walls, I feel like the place is dripping with memories and conversations had.

For the first time in my life, I had the chance to know what it feels like to have a space completely to my own. I hope I can find more places like this in the future. Not just my future apartment, but in other spaces or areas of my life. There is power in places where we can truly be ourselves.

Just something I was thinking about tonight.

the sky is the limit...

(the rooftop of the world: tibet 2010)

I feel like life just keeps twisting and turning, and the more I try to control things, the more I realize the less control I actually have. I know that God is directing the course of my life, and I feel His hand leading me and letting me know, “I am here. Don’t fear my daughter.”

2010 was a year of change, seeds being sown, and new experiences had. I feel like I was able to accomplish alot of personal goals this past year: getting accepted to graduate school, having some of my photos hosted at a small gallery, travelling around more of this country - specifically to Tibet, writing more music, and taking leaps of faith that brought me closer in my relationship with God. I am so thankful for the things He has done in my life.

I think turning twenty-eight brought with it some new perspectives as well – I make mistakes, and its ok. I’m not perfect – and its ok. I’m a traveler, an adventurer, a worshiper, a musician…and I love my life. For the first time, I feel like I’m able to truly feel confident in myself and embrace all that life has to teach me. I’ve stopped comparing myself to others to finally be leading my own life, on my very own terms.

Over the past few weeks, in various situations, I’ve kept hearing the phrase, “sometimes you have to cut down the tree in order to see fruit.” And, I feel like moving abroad has definitely produced fruit in my life. I could have never anticipated the places I’ve been too, the people I have met, the situations I’ve found myself in. All of it…has changed me.

2010 also brought with it some surprises. This past year I was originally planning to move back to Canada to work on my graduate degree in Adult Education full time. After one conversation with my advisor, she told me that I actually don’t need to be living close to campus. That was a shocker! Because the program is self-directed, there are no classes – I write my thesis and do my course work on my own, and I determine how long its going to take me. The more I learn about this program, the more I realize how perfect it is for me. For this reason, I’ve decided to keep living in China. I get butterflies whenever I think about this. It was a huge decision to make. I’m learning, though, its amazing how when we trust God, He makes our path straight. Or maybe we realize that our path was straight all along and we never had to worry.

The company I work for is being totally supportive of my further study as well. When I come back to Beijing in April, I can continue working 3 days a week organizing city wide life club events for students, and then work on my thesis on my days off. This opens up a lot of opportunities for research projects and thesis options for me! I think its going to be a huge learning curve in the beginning to figure out how I’m going to pace myself and shape this new phase of my life, but I’m treating all of this kind of like an experiment – one that I am uber excited about!

I know now that God has truly been taking care of me all along. How could I ever doubt or worry before? While I had my own plans, my own agenda, He just swept me up and said, “Look at your life. Look at what I want to show you. My ways are higher.” While I know there are going to be a lot of changes and adjustments this year, I feel so much peace about it.

A few weeks ago, a guy Kamal at church prayed over me, and he told me this is going to be a year of harvest in my life. If my plans for graduate school aren’t already crazy enough, I’m also thinking of recording more music as well. I know that I can’t do any of this on my own, but I can do anything through Him who strengthens me.

I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who reads it, and that you are reminded that God has a plan for each of us.

i think you've seen aslan...

Just saw "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" tonight. This particular scene was stirring.

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Eustace being undragoned

“Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly towards me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it - if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it.”
“You mean it spoke?”
“I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.
“I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells - like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not.
“I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.
“But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.
“Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.
“Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke – ‘You will have to let me undress you.’ I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” said Edmund.
“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.
“After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me –“
“Dressed you. With his paws?”
“Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. And then suddenly I was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream.”
“No. It wasn't a dream,” said Edmund.
“Why not?”
“Well, there are the clothes, for one thing. And you have been - well, un-dragoned, for another.”
“What do you think it was, then?” asked Eustace.
“I think you've seen Aslan,” said Edmund.
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – Chapter 7

Tales from Tibet: The First 48 Hours.

(some names of places/names have been ** to ensure anonymity)

My journey begins on the train from Beijing to Lhasa. I can’t believe after all my preparation that the trip is finally here. I’ve got my warm mittens, my long underwear and took my last dose of altitude pills. I made it to Beijing’s West Station, where I caught the train at 9:30pm. I can’t believe in just a matter of 48 hrs, I journeyed from the east to the west of China. Since moving to this country almost 3 years ago and hearing so much about Tibet – it’s mystery and beauty, I knew that I would eventually travel here some day. This dream has finally come true. I knew it the moment I stepped onto the platform and saw the sign on the train: BeijingXi à Lhasa. This trip hasn’t come without anxiety either. I wasn’t sure I should travel with a friend or do this trip on my own. Ultimately, I felt that this was a place I needed to discover on my own terms, while still hiring a local guide to be with me for the next 8-10 days. But, I could decide where we would go, how long we would stay there.

I decided to splurge and go with the soft sleeper. It was a little extra, but this meant that I had nice sheets, a tv, a closing door, and extra oxygen if needed (the cabin is pressurized, so when we reach altitudes of nearly 5000m, I would be sure to survive.) My three bunk mates arrived. In my broken Mandarin, I learned that they were from Beijing were going to Germu (in Qinghai province) on business. I also learned early on they were quite friendly – offering me food, drinks and cigarettes, even though I’m not a smoker. They were so comfortable, in fact, that one of them even sat on my bunk in his underwear, while I wasn’t there. When I returned, they inquired about the authenticity of my blonde hair, and watched me carefully as I wrote in my journal with my left hand (being left handed in China apparently quite a novelty).

I read for a while, then turned over and nestled in for a good nights sleep.

The guy in his underwear began to snore. I’m off to a good start.

I was up early the next morning to the sound of one of the attendants announcing breakfast. I make my way to the restaurant car, and look out the window and am pleasantly surprised to see rolling hills, the absence of tall buildings and a sun drenched sky. Out of polluted Beijing. The day also brought with it new faces. I met a fellow Canadian, 65 years old, who told me about his adventures traveling around the world mostly by train. Also exchanged some stories with two Latvians who were going to stop by Mount Everest on their trip. I get the impression that a unique kind of traveler comes to this place.

The hours seem to go by in minutes, as the scenery outside the window is constantly changing – flat grass land one minute, rice paddies the next. Passing by the city of Xian later in the day, a place I had been to about a year ago with my family. This time, I was seeing only the perimeter of the city wall, decorated with red lanterns.

My only agenda: sit, read, listen to music, write, take the occasional photo and enjoy the passing scenery. I couldn’t peel myself away from the book -“The He*venly Man” – a true story of a Chr*stian mission*ry in China. While China’s scenery was unfolding before my eyes, so was the reality of this man’s story. The best book I could possibly bring with me on a trip like this. This is the beauty of traveling by train, you have hours of time at your disposal. And on this occasion, I also had time to adjust to the ever increasing altitude. My ears were already popping.

I noticed how the scenery became increasingly varied the higher and higher we got. That afternoon, I saw incredible jagged mountains, grasslands, and small villages. Before I knew it, the afternoon passed and we are into the next evening. It’s just 8pm, and “Mr.Underwear,” as I am affectionately calling him, has already snuggled in for the night. I opened my China travel book to semi prepare myself for the things I will be seeing and doing. 10:30. My eyes began to get droopy, so I turned of my little light. The cabin… completely dark…and yet, a new light shone through the window…

…A full moon and the most incredible starry host I have ever seen in my life. By this point, I really started to notice how high up we actually were: the tops of the mountains were seemingly at eye level, and the sky actually looked closer, as if I could just pick any star and put it in my pocket. People who have traveled to Tibet before have told me, and I began to understand, that it isn’t called “the rooftop of the world” for nothing. All of heaven was seemingly displayed before my eyes.

The next morning, I woke up and heard and announcement that we had finally reached the Tibetan Plateau – which means that we had climbed up to an altitude over 4000m. That is high people! I opened the curtain and it looked desolate. Like no civilization had even touched these parts of China. All I could see was beautiful snow capped mountains, sheep, goats, and yaks! I went to brush my teeth, and wash my face – I opened my tube of tooth paste and facewash - poof! They exploded! I got back to my cabin, and had to sit down cause I noticed I felt a little sick to my stomach and a little dizzy.

We stopped next to Namsto Lake, the worlds highest saltwater lake. Its hard to tell where the lake ends and the sky begins. It is so vast. Everyone on the train stopped to peer out the window to take pictures. Now I really feel like I’m on top of the world. The scenery after this point continued to blow me away. Tibetan homes began to appear in the countryside, the sky is story-book blue, and Lhasa is on the horizon. I would soon be arriving in the capital of Tibet.

Its October 7th in Beijing!

Its my birthday. And I get my own song! Even the lyrics kind of apply...a little.

Jane you say it's all over for you and me, girl
There's a time for love and a time for letting it be, baby
Jane you're playin a game called...
Called hard to get by its real name
Makin' believe that you just don't feel the same

Oh Jane!

Jane you're playin a game you never can win girl
You're stayin away just so I'll ask you where you've been baby
Like a cat and a mouse (cat and a mouse)
From door to door and house to house
Don't you pretend you don't know what I'm talkin about

Were all those nights we spent together (hey hey)
Only because you didn't know better
I've got to know
Jane, you're playin a game, you're playin a game, playin a game

Jane Jane Jane
Oh Jane you're playin a game of hide and go seek
Jane you're playin for fun but I play for keeps (yes I do)
Jane Jane Jane
that's a game on me yeah
Jane Jane Jane
it's so plain to see
Jane Jane Jane
Janie, Janie, Janie, Janie
Jane Jane Jane
Why you foolin' with me, me, me
Jane Jane Jane...