powerful beyond measure?

In the midst of article finding, paper writing, learning plan drafts, and mountains of reading...it just dawned on me that my master's course will be finishing in just 4 days, and I will be returning to China on Friday. I don't think it really hit me until tonight. I've been so focused on finishing up my course work, attending class and having meetings with my advisors, that I sort of put it on the back shelf. How did it get to the point I put China on the back shelf? Old hat, I guess. And yet, there is just so much going on right now.

A section of my learning plan for this course involves drafting a learning contract for myself, but I really have no idea how I'm going to balance this all when I get back to China. I'll be in a new position at work - planning student social events and I'll be in the beginning phases of my master's degree. The past two weeks have been spent setting a momentum for myself. I've gotten into a routine of going to class in the mornings, and researching and reading in the afternoons. So straightforward. So simple. And yet, the challenge of this program lies in the self-directed approach. Working and studying on our own. Sometimes I think to myself, why am I going to put myself through this - living in a foreign country, working, studying my master's degree...it all seems like a mountain of challenges tied into one! What am I thinking!?!?!!!

But, if I look at my life in retrospect, I realize that I've taken some risks that have challenged me and caused me to re-define the way I see things. Maybe this is another risk. Most risks, or leaps of faith in some cases, always involve some element of sacrifice. That is always the hard part. Rewarding in the end, but hard. For me, some risks I've taken are packing up and moving abroad; not getting to see my close friends and family as often as I'd like; learning to be vulnerable; trusting a stranger; completely changing the color of my hair; making music; trusting God; being completely honest with someone; being completely honest with myself; traveling to Tibet on my own; starting my master's degree...

I look at that list and I think that I'm ready to begin another new phase in my life. Stress, "I think." Its going to be an exercise in patience (with myself), adjustment and prioritizing, but I think it is just a risk in my life that I need to take in order to grow and learn. I think I need to allow this whole process to mold and shape me. Doing this master's is completely according to my agenda, my schedule, and my interests. There is so much freedom in that, while also a great deal of responsibility - which intimidates me a little. I still have so much to learn about the field of Adult Education...where can I even begin?

In one of our classes this week, on of my cohorts shared this meaningful quote that resonates with me in this season of my life,

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

While I'm sad that I will soon be saying goodbye to an amazing group of people I've just gotten to know in the past 2 weeks, I know that each of us are going to accomplish something great in our own fields, and take risks when we need to, and shine in corners where light is needed. Maybe a certain element of healthy risk is good in everyones lives...its just making that first step...

Ok, Here goes...