"All genuine education comes about through experience. However, this does not mean that all experiences are genuinely or equally educative. In fact, some experiences mis-educate, in that they actually distort growth...narrow the field of further experiences...and place people in a groove or rut. Judging whether experiences actually produce learning can be difficult because every experience is a moving force. It's value can be judged only on the ground of what it moves toward and into." (from Merriam, Caferella, and Baumgartner's "Learning in Adulthood. 2007).
Alot of my research and reading is focusing on experience, in relations to my particular context of living and working in China, and how my interactions with my students, my colleagues, my work environment, have influenced my sense of professional identity development. I feel as though the experience of living outside Canada for so long, has allowed me to explore landscapes within myself that I never knew I needed to explore. Coming to terms with the deepest parts of myself...my weakness, my strengths, and exploring options that I didn't know existed, until I physically removed myself from the comfort of home. When I say "options" I mean alternative ways of knowing and being in this world.
Before starting this master's program, I think alot of my inner feelings about teaching, and how I saw myself were kept at bay. I can see in my previous journal reflections how I convinced myself that I was ok with everything I experienced in my early days as a new teacher. Even before moving abroad, I think I managed to convince almost everyone that I was just fine, I didn't need anyone to help me, and I was out to conquer the world by moving abroad.
As I take a step back, and think about myself before this whole experience...I see now how well I used to "mis-educate" myself, by comparing myself to others in my life or by living my life as if I was playing the "the best friend" rather than being the "leading lady." Now I see that I was living in a sort of distorted version of myself. I never actually knew that I could be something more than what I saw myself as. Physically moving to the other side of the world, has given me the chance to play another role...one that I chose for myself.
Having no one else to rely upon other than myself and most importantly, God, I feel as though I have set my own standards for how I want to live my life. Or maybe I have more clarity about the standards that God wants me to have for my life. To compare myself to others is to dis-credit the very experience I'm having at this moment, in this country, at this stage in my life. I've had to overcome obstacles that I never knew I needed to overcome; I've traveled to places I never knew I would; I've had conversations with people that I never thought I would talk to; I've listened to stories I never thought I would hear; and I've heard myself speak in a new voice that I never thought I had. Alot of this has come about through teaching. But, as I am also a traveler, I see these two identities as being in conversation with one another.
I now see these experiences as my "re-education." And as my advisor Maureen says, I need to continually "add credit" to my experience. To value it. To name it.
Wherever you are at this point in your life, a question I want to pose to all of us is, how can we daily re-educate ourselves in who we are? This is something I need to continually re-visit.
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