"look how they shine for you..."

I go home in 16 days. Visiting home and anticipating seeing my family and friends again always brings with it so many feelings and thoughts. I can't believe this year has come full circle. I think of all the things I have done this year, I sit back and smile. I wanted to share with you my most favorite moments...

...moving into my very own apartment for the first time, and in Beijing, and being completely freaked out.

...the feeling I had sleeping in my apartment for the first night.

...after a few months of living in Beijing, discovering my favorite hutong Nan Luo Guo Xiang, and walking down this street to discover some of my favorite shops in the city.

...having one of my best friends come to visit me.

...being invited into a strangers home in Xinjiang province, the furthest into the middle east I have ever been, and having a feast of grapes, tea and local treats. Also, hearing a different language around me made me realize how big China really is and how small I am.

...one of my student's telling me something beautiful about herself.

...going on dates.

...sharing my music with people

...teaching a class about "home" and hearing the students share stories about what they love most about their families and hometowns.

...artificially induced snow in november.

...laughing so hard with friends I couldn't breathe.

...Nancy

...swimming in the ocean in Thailand, while the sun was setting.

...reading "The Shack"

....reading my journal from this past year and laughing and crying all at once.

...breaking into song with a friend on the subway on Christmas Eve in Beijing, and having people join in.

...a friend and I telling each other we could tell each other travel stories at any time and that we would always listen.

...a student who didn't really rub me the right way, coming up to me on Christmas Eve and instead of shaking my hand, gave me a great big hug.

...riding my bicycle down the streets of beijing in a downpour.

...growing more.

...writing my letter of intent for graduate school and having butterflies in my stomach.

...collecting more stamps in my passport

...creating more music

...seeing my mom's face at the airport in Beijing.

...dad's bear hugs.

...becoming more afraid and less afraid at the same time

...going to church at a restaurant every Sunday and loving it.

...getting hand written letters from my grandma.

...Christmas Day with good friends in Beijing.

Miles away...

Miles away…

I am currently at work, listening to the Bing Crosby Christmas album. This is a huge mistake when you are living in a foreign country. Huge! I am imagining people at home drinking hot chocolate, doing Christmas shopping, having family get togethers and all the good things of home. Why do I put myself through this agony? There are songs that I will refuse to listen to while living away – “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” has just been put at the top! Do me a favor today, wherever you are right now, find this song, listen to it – and you will understand my slow death.

Thank you Bing Crosby, for the palatable homesickness I feel at this moment.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of Yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Honestly, I love this song. More than I can say. It just causes me to put up more snowflakes in my apartment and continue hanging my twinkly lights, and call my friend to continue making our “Christmas in Beijing” plans. Crisis averted.

Soon it will be Christmas Day...

Soon it will be Christmas Day…

So much happens between my posts these days. One of the unique challenges this country gives me is a lack of access to my blog. Thanks to my friend Jacinda for posting this for me. There is so much on my mind these days.

My parents came to China. This was such a gift for me. We traveled around together for about two weeks. Having them with me in this country made me realize a couple things. Things have changed again between my parents and I. I feel a stronger sense of responsibility to take care of them. I felt this more strongly than I have ever before. I don’t know if it just because I’m growing or if China is teaching me these kind of values, but all I know is I love it.

I also was reminded again of what I’m doing over here is really unique. My job, my interactions with people from other cultures, attempting to speak Chinese and make my way around this country. I sometimes lose perspective here, but all it took was my parents to give me hug to say, “I’m so proud of you.” As the three of us celebrated a kind of belated 27^th birthday for me, never did we all think that we would be in China!

I was reminded again of the mysteries and complexities of this country, as we traveled through the cities of Xian and Shanghai, and cruised down the Yangtze River. This country continually intrigues me, confuses me, and sobers me. To have my parents alongside me, seeing the things I confront here, gives me a kind of comfort. Knowing its not only my own eyes that have experienced China, but those who are closest to me as well.

Just as the seasons change before our eyes, so do the seasons in our own lives as well. I have officially begun the process of applying to graduate school. A process that has really caused me to thing about what my time abroad has meant to me, and what it means for my future. I have become passionate about Adult Education, specifically ESL students. As I was writing my letter of intent, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all I have accomplished these past few years – teaching, growing, learning, traveling. I heard a quote from a friend one time, “You never know what ship you will bring home.” I had no idea that living abroad would change my life like it has. I’m just learning I need to trust God with whatever the outcome for school next year.

As Christmas is now approaching in the next few weeks, and I will be in Beijing for the holidays, it causing me to think about all that has happened this past year and what is to come in 2010. I feel so thankful to be where I am, doing what I’m doing, and being constantly exercised in my faith. I decorated my apartment for Christmas the other night, foolishly put on Christmas music (not good for homesickness), and poured myself a glass of wine. I’m thinking about how I will celebrate this year, with my friends and my church here, and feeling so thankful to have such good people in my life over here.

I hope this post finds each of my friends and family well. I hope as we all prepare for Christmas that we will each find Christ in new ways this year. Thinking of you in Beijing.

changing leaves, changing seasons

Last night was the first night of official cool weather in the city of Beijing. I was walking in Hou Hai to meet a friend for dinner, and I needed to put on a scarf it was so windy. The trees were showing a hint of red and my nose was getting cold. I could not only see change around me, but feel it as well.

Over the past four years, I have experienced fall in many different cities, but I have to say Beijing is my absolute favourite. The character of this city is at its best in Fall. The colour of temples seems to become more vibrant among the surrounding reds and yellows of maple trees. The mountains hugging the outskirts of the city seemingly call you to climb their hills, and the traditional culture of Beijing comes alive as people prepare for special holidays like National Day and Mid-Autumn festival, by putting bright red lanterns in front of their homes.

Over the coming weeks, I have a few visitors coming to Beijing. My original excitement for this city has come around again. The possibility of more places to see, more experiences to have, looms around every corner. Just something I was thinking about today.

The city of Beijing is in it’s month of preparation. Preparation for the big National Holiday in October. Basically, China’s 60^th Birthday. Everyday, as I make my way to work on my bicycle, and cycle down the famous Changan Avenue, I notice something new. A few days ago, it was a huge presence of police lining the streets. Yesterday, it was bright flowers that were being watered and used to decorate the corner of the street. Today, it was the military jets parading in the sky as they evidently rehearsed for what promises to be a poignant day in China’s history.

I love the atmosphere this kind of event brings. Traffic goes slower, people stop to look, and everyone has to re-arrange their plans in some way or another. The city is caused to pause.

As I couldn’t take my usual route home, I took the back streets just around the corner from Changan. I was brought back to the original reason why this city has its charm and intrigue.

Hutongs. Old style alleyways, with traditional Beijing architecture.

People here are out on the streets, enjoying BBQ, having a beer or selling flowers at their shop. Couples walking hand in hand, local vendors selling fruit, and cute cafes with soft lighting. The local life in Beijing is what adds character to this city. At night, there is a glow that comes from these streets. I found myself slowing down and was reminded – this is the China I came to see. This is the China that captivates me.

so, my mom turned 60...

Recently, my beautiful mom had her 60th birthday. As I'm in China, I couldn't be there, which was so difficult. I decided to make light of the situation and get someone at her party to read this outloud. I had so much fun writing it. I hope she liked it!

----------------------------------------

Mom, I really can't believe that this moment is here. You are 20 years old! Happy Birthday. What a milestone. You are in your prime! You have so much ahead of you - drinking with your "cool mature" friends around the university; traveling to a third world country in October with your boyfriend; trying experimental procedures (aka. lasic eye surgury); and going off early in the morning to attempt nursing classes with a huge hangover. My, my, what a great age!

(Pause here.)....

Oh, wait...your 60?? 60 years old? Someone obviously forget to keep me in the loop. Seriously. How do you hide your age so well? What is your secret?

Mom, you are a gem. I can imagine, knowing you are there right now, with your "cool mature" friends, celebrating (ahem. Everyone - could turn to Sheila for me and see if there is a bottle of wine next to her........see? I told you. She just likes to try and fit in with you all)

But seriously, Mom you deserve every thing good today. Everything fun, beautiful, hilarious and wonderful. You are my mom, my teacher, my nurse, my mentor and my friend. Even though I have been living away, the miles immediately disappear as soon as I hear, "Hi honey...," on the phone. I love that I can laugh with you about the silly things, cry with you about the serious things, and learn from you about the life things. I love your energy towards life and the light you add to any room.

I can't wait for you and Dad to come and see me next month. Interesting, you and China are both turning 60 this year!! But don't worry - unlike China, you are 60 years young!

Mom, I hope you have having such a great evening, surrounded by the people you love. I wish I could be there. I love you mom!!

Jane.

impressions of thailand

(sunset, pattaya)

Travel has been my teacher, one that I keep learning from again and again.

I’ve been home from my trip to Thailand for a week now. As I have been pouring through my photos from this country, I felt like I soaked in an adventure. In just the week I was there, this country left some impressions on me that I wanted to share with you.

When you are greeted by the Thai people, they extend to you a “sawadeeka!” with a beautiful smile, and place the palms of their hands together and bow. As I traveled to a few different countries and citites over the past couple years, I love learning about the nuances each place has. I think the way you are greeted by someone, shapes how you see them. I really got the sense that generally the Thai people are very peaceful and open. Since living in China, I have developed this theory called “the blonde hair/blue eyes syndrome.” While many places make you feel like you are an outsider, China not only does this but also examines your every little, tiny seemingly insignificant difference from the Chinese. At times, a simple walk down the street can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow. In the short time I was in Thailand, I was said hello to several times, and was treated with kindness at first glance by random strangers.

(traditional thai crown, bangkok)

Thai architecture. It is among the most intricate, pristine and colourful I have seen yet. The Grand Palace in Bangkok is a good example of this. At every turn, you see stunning towers, columns and bright reds and golds. Every statue, every corridor, every doorway has a distinct purpose or gives you a sense of symmetry. Getting to photograph this place was such a highlight for me.

(janice and i at the bangkok airport)

I live for moments like these. One night in Pattaya, I decided to walk to the beach from our hotel (all of 2 minutes) to take a swim. I managed to arrive there just as the sun was setting. Perhaps, it was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. Brilliant colours – blues, pinks, reds, all reflecting on the warm water. As I swam with this gorgeous view in front of me, I stretched out my hands and took in a deep breath.

(floating market, pattaya)

As I sat to think about the places we saw (the Reclining Buddha, the Grand Palace Wat Po), the things we did (visited a floating market and rode an elephant), I felt so lucky. Every experience always teaches me something new and helps me realize that this world is so diverse, colourful and beautiful.

(my bag, at the Grand Palace)

It also reminded me that I really do like living in China. It just took me some time outside to gain perspective again. I want to keep learning and keeping seeing new things and enjoying my job and the people I meet. Keep living life with my eyes wide open.

(janice and i at the grand palace, bangkok)

I'm slowly uploading my pictures. You can check them out here: www.flickr.com/photos/myfeetandi

5 best moments of my day

1. A student telling me he passed his CET4 English Exam, after the 5^th try. He bought me ice cream to say thank you for helping him speak English more confidently.

2. Getting a beautiful email from a previous student Emma, who told me she missed my classes and that she took my advice about how to maintain her English.

3. Telling a student I have English corner the next teaching hour, and seeing him bolt to the front desk to get a token for my class.

4. A while back, a student by the name of “Joy” and I were discussing HIS (yes, a guy!) name and I suggested that perhaps he think about changing it to a more suitable male name (*when in my life would I actually have the chance to do this? Change someone’s name?! That is insane. That is China) Anyways, I had later suggested the name of “Josh,” as it sounded similar to his Chinese name. He looked a little hesitant and said he would think about it. A few days after that, he informed me that he not only changed his name to Josh, but he got a new name plate on his office door and new business cards made up for himself. He politely handed me his new card, to which I accepted (in the Chinese way) with both hands.

5.English Corner. I gave the students 15 random pictures of men and women of different races, varying appearances and styles. Each group was handed questions to answer about these people. Eg. “Who would you hire for a job? Who would you go on a date with? Who would you talk to on the subway? Who is most likely to be married? Who looks the most trustworthy?” etc. I wanted them to answer the questions, based solely on the people’s appearance. We got into a very heated discussion about the information we use on a person’s face and appearance to make our decision about their identity. Apparently, "all foreigners are untrustworthy" and “an ugly man is not allowed to have children”

Solid gold.

reflections on second person

This week in my English corner I was discussing with the students, “If you could do anything you wanted, what would be your dream job?”

Now, one thing I’m learning about Chinese culture is that there seems to be little chance or space for imagination, without the practicality of money, their parent’s expectations or societies demands, seemingly getting in the way. As I sat there and talked with this group of eight students, I sensed there was a light that went off in each of them. Dim, yet still present. I knew this would be a challenge for them to articulate something that maybe they have never really discussed before. Here are the most beautiful answers I got from them:

“I would love to be a travel journalist”

“A farmer on an organic field.”

“An artist.”

“I want to be some one who judges food (a food critic)”

“I would absolutely love to be a Chinese art restorer.”


“An English teacher”

“A musician”

I think in Western society, a lot of these could be very well possible. In China, they are almost next to impossible for reasons that Western young people don’t even need to consider. After class, one of the students told me that it was really hard for her to express what she truly wanted or desired so candidly. Recently, in my classes I have noticed a trend in the way students express themselves.

I say, “Imagine you are a _______, what would you do?” Usually the answer comes in 1st person. Eg. I would/I could…etc.

In China, most students answer in 2nd person. “You would be able to/You can…” In class, I constantly find myself reminding them to say, “I.” This is no fault of their own, it is simple the Chinese way. Thinking of the group before thinking of themselves. I could talk until I’m blue in the face about this, but I’ve learned that I need to meet the students where they are at, and encourage them in what they are capable of doing. Also, I want to challenge them to develop their own thinking. Then again, I need to realize I’m not set out to change them, I first need to understand them, and understand myself.

I loved this English Corner the other night. The students and I somehow found a middle ground between each other. I love my job and the things I am caused to consider because of it.

Hi everyone. Just to let you all know, I still don’t have access to facebook. The reason you will be getting my blog posts on facebook is cause my blogger works with my facebook account. I don’t know when I will be back. This is the joy (sense my sarcasm) of living in China. I can't really give more details. Feel free to email me at jane.eleanor.jeanette@gmail.com if you want to keep in touch for now. I miss updating you on the funny little things that happen in my day to day life here. But, you can also check out my blog and pictures at www.myfeetandi.blogspot.com. I try to update this as often as I can!

diamond in the rough

I’m watching a show on tv at the moment, about a place a travelled to a few months ago – Xinjiang. I can’t believe I went there. The host is visiting the Uyghur minority families, dancing with the women, walking through the ancient city of Jiao He in the desert (the largest earth built city in the world), and visiting the drying houses for the grapes in Turpan. My eyes are locked to this screen. There is such a weight in my heart for this place, and I experienced many of the same things. Seeing generations living together, hearing a different language in my ear, smell bbq mutton on the streets, hearing beautiful Muslim music from people’s homes and being welcomed people I had only known for about 5 minutes.

I remember at how engaging and hospitable the Uyghr were to my friends and I. A diamond in the rough of China. I feel like this is what travel does to me. It makes my heart ache for places I have been, and almost homesick for places I haven’t been to yet. There is something continually that draws me in about this country. I think travel is one of those things that gives me the greatest feeling of timelessness. Moments pass slower and faster at once. You become more of who you are and nothing matters but finding those places you know will be etched in your mind forever.

refined

Tonight, as I was riding my bicycle home from work, a song came on in my ears:

I don't know what the future holds

Or what lies beyond my horizon

The years ahead are just out of sight
Well, I think sometimes that You hide them
So that I'll walk by faith not sight
So I'll take Your hand, holding tight

Through twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

My one desire for the road ahead
Is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You're my everything
May I stay by Your side forever
For when my heart's afraid, You're near
Whispering to my soul, 'don't fear'

And I will trust in You alone
For You're the hand leading me home
Leading me home.

I've spent twenty-six summers
And twenty-six winters with You
Through all of the seasons
And my search for reasons
You’ve carried me through
I will keep holding on to You

(Vicky Beeching)

While I feel like I am growing further and further away from cookie cutter Christian songs, the lyrics to this one brought me perspective on my experiences here. I’m in my 26^th summer, and I feel more aware than ever about a hand that has been leading me through the experiences I have been having in my life. Every season, every moment has been for a reason. I’ve lived away from home for the past 3 years now, and my life has changed and is being changed in ways I never thought possible. My ideas about everything are being challenged. I’ve stepped into myself, in a way, but I’ve also stepped back and taken a good look.

I’ve learned to value things more. To listen to experiences and people. Most of all, I’ve learned to listen to myself more.

Just one of those days again, where I’m reflecting on my time here. Life still continues to be rich. My worldview is constantly being shifted and challenged. Its hard some days. Really hard. But, so good. My life is being refined.

beijing bicycle

So, I bought a bicycle.

And my world has changed again.

When I lived in Japan, having a bicycle represented so much for me. It meant I could go anywhere. Going where I pleased. Stopping where I pleased. Bringing my camera and doing whatever to my hearts content. It changed my experience of living in Japan. I had no idea how much I actually missed it until I bought one here just a few days ago. Bejing by bicycle is epic. Already, the way I see this city has changed completely.

There is that song – the one that says, “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing.” I love that I have become apart of these millions of bicycles. As I make my way to work now, Beijing is seemingly at my fingertips. I work in the heart of the city, on Changan Avenue – a place where emperors have strolled, protestors have marched, and torch bearers have ran. When I turn the corner onto this wide street, I can’t help but get goose bumps and consider all that has happened here.

The beautiful thing about Beijing is that it is completely flat and you can literally ride for hours and not feel exhausted. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’m the only one in the bike lane and weaving through traffic is more of a breeze. After work the other night, I had my camera with me and I made my way to the Forbidden City to take a few pictures. I can’t believe I’m riding these streets. Seeing these places.

I’m realizing that there is no other way to experience this city. Riding a bicycle in Beijing is like tasting that favourite red lollipop when you were a child. You wanted ever inch of it, and you would always search the bottom of the package to see if there was more.

I hope to continue to explore every corner and mysterious street here.

beijing bicycle

So, I bought a bicycle.

And my world has changed again.

When I lived in Japan, having a bicycle represented so much for me. It meant I could go anywhere. Going where I pleased. Stopping where I pleased. Bringing my camera and doing whatever to my hearts content. It changed my experience of living in Japan. I had no idea how much I actually missed it until I bought one here just a few days ago. Bejing by bicycle is epic. Already, the way I see this city has changed completely.

There is that song – the one that says, “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing.” I love that I have become apart of these millions of bicycles. As I make my way to work now, Beijing is seemingly at my fingertips. I work in the heart of the city, on Changan Avenue – a place where emperors have strolled, protestors have marched, and torch bearers have ran. When I turn the corner onto this wide street, I can’t help but get goose bumps and consider all that has happened here.

The beautiful thing about Beijing is that it is completely flat and you can literally ride for hours and not feel exhausted. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I’m the only one in the bike lane and weaving through traffic is more of a breeze. After work the other night, I had my camera with me and I made my way to the Forbidden City to take a few pictures. I can’t believe I’m riding these streets. Seeing these places.

I’m realizing that there is no other way to experience this city. Riding a bicycle in Beijing is like tasting that favourite red lollipop when you were a child. You wanted ever inch of it, and you would always search the bottom of the package to see if there was more.

I hope to continue to explore every corner and mysterious street here.

65 questions...

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked
(Hey, I got the time today)

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my teeth, actually.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
white

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
You don’t have to ask me twice! Yes, please.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Yes, and then I change my mind.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
relaxed.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
my mandarin phrase book, that is collecting dust. Sad.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I remember being lost. And it was fun.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yeah, I met 3 new people!

9. What are you craving right now?
Steak. Always steak. I live in China. I can’t find good steak.

10. Do you floss?
Well, sometimes.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
…patch kids.

12. Are you emotional?
its my middle name.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Whenever I wait in line in China.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I’m a biter.

15. Do you like your hair?
Its going through the “ugly” phrase right now. Trying to grow it long, in the blistering heat of Beijing summer. I am insane.

16. Do you like yourself?
Yes, yes I do.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
No, I can’t say that I would.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Coldplays “Viva La Vida” – adore this song.

19. Are your parents strict?
No, they have always given me room to breathe. I appreciate them more and more.

20. Would you go sky diving?
Well, not sure. I sometimes need people to push me, so I would have to have the right person beside me.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Just the thought of this makes me miss home. I heart fromage-cottage.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Well, apparently I did at a bar a few months ago in Guangzhou. I got to shake a famous Guangdong actor’s hand and cheers with him. I don’t know his name though – Wang Lei (maybe?).

23. Do you rent movies often?
Yep. I love movies! Especially the romantic kind.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My earrings and, well, me. Ha.ha.

25. How many countries have you visited?
I think almost 20. I had to get a new passport a few months ago. It was full.

26. Do you like dogs?
They are growing on me.

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes, many. I like traveling by train.

28. Brown or white eggs?
White all the way.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes.

30. Do you use chap stick?
“Dude, my lips hurt real bad.”

31. Do you own a gun?
Nope.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yep. Been using them for the past 3 years!

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Some students are taking me for hot pot! Fun!

34. Are you too forgiving?
Forgiving, I think so. Too forgiving? Not sure.

35. Ever been in love?
That’s for me to know ;)

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
One is traveling around Peru, another one is checking people’s eyes!

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep.

38. Last time you cried?
This morning. And I loved it.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Actually, I just asked my grocery lady in Chinese, “Are you from Beijing?”

40. Favorite time of the year?
Fall. I heart scarves. Also seeing both Japan and China in the fall has made me “fall” in love with this season.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
I’ve been brainstorming these last few years. I think I’ve come up with one. But, that’s for you to find out.

42. Are you sarcastic?
With the people I’m close to, yeah.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Better – I’ve tripped up stairs.

45. Favorite color?
ocean blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
I mentally slap people on the subway everyday.

47. Is your hair curly?
When it wants to be.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
some sort of Mongolian music.

49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but there are not the most important.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I’m called to, but that’s a tough one.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Nope.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Oh, yes! I love it. I have to say, I’ve always loved my life.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No.

54. Can you handle the truth?
I think so. How do you know when you see it or hear it though?

55. Do you have good vision?
Yes, thank you. Someone once asked me, “Jane, when you die, can I have your eyeballs?” ha.ha.

56. Do you hate/dislike more than three people?
I’m going to be honest, yes. Just dislike though.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
I skype home fairly often. And I talk to friends here in BJ almost everyday. But, I always have to prepare myself before I call people. I dunno. I just do.

58. The last person you held hands with?
Yes, what about them?

59. What are you wearing?
Black tank top, hoop earrings, my jeans.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Hamster. I baby sat two a while back. When you put them in their little ball to run around – it is so cute.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
my apartment.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Honey, these hips can do more than just hula hoop!

63. Do you have a job?
Yeppers. And I can’t believe I get paid for it. It is THAT fun!

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
My new bicycle! I’m calling her “Bessie”

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, when I was locked out of my family’s house. I’m creative in finding other routes to get to places.

xinjiang adventures

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you faithful followers of my entries here. Due to “unforeseen circumstances” I was unable to view my page for the past month. I seriously felt like a piece of me had been taken away. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you, and when I’m not able to do this I feel like there is something missing.

Since my last entry in May, so much has happened. I visited one of the most remarkable and impressionable places in my life – Xinjiang province. Since my best friend Jacinda was here, I wanted her to experience China as much as she could.

When we arrived in the capital city Urumqi after our four hour plane ride from Beijing, I can no idea it would be like it was. It was as if we had entered another country. An Middle Eastern Country. The people look different from Han Chinese, they speak a different language and as you walk down the streets here the smell of authentic Muslim BBQ fills the air. China continually changes for me. Being able to articulate this country is starting to become further and further from my lips.

One of the more memorable parts of visiting this unique autonomous region was getting to visit some local Uygur families. My friend Nancy is originally from Xinjiang (we stayed at her family's apartment while we were here), and her friend offered to take us his car to the local city of Turpan. Known for its incredible landscapes of lakes, snow capped mountains, dry desserts and vineyards, Turpan is simply breathtaking. Mao Mao (our driver) said he could take us to visit a few people he knew in the area. Upon arriving after our windy 2 hr car ride, we were welcomed by a beautiful local family, who grow grapes to make a living. The father welcomed us by setting a simple table, with local Uygur snacks and every kind of grape you could imagine. What little Chinese I knew, it was pretty much useless here as they could only speak Uygur. This family, with the little they had, showed us the true meaning of hospitality. I was immediately put at ease. Sitting under the grape vines, having our tea always topped up, and little children playing with their grandparents, was a beautiful sight to behold.

During our time in Xinjiang, we also enjoyed what the locals call “The Midnight Snack.” Now, since China is all on the same time zone, and Xinjiang being so far east, the sun stays up until around 10pm. Its quite remarkable to see children playing out on the streets until after 11pm here. So, the atmosphere is lively and casual. When you come to one of these open air snack spots, everyone is BBQing mutton, cooking noodles, preparing naan bread…it is not only a feast for the eyes but of course for your palette as well. Being “waigoren” we got many stares, but we didn’t let that bother us, we simply found people to “cheers” with and steal a smile from. Its quite something to look around and realize Jacinda and I were the only two foreigners in the whole place.

While staying in Xinjiang, my dear friend Nancy allowed us to stay at here family’s apartment in Urumqi. Nancy grew up living on a college campus, where her mother taught. This is an arts college and every morning we could hear music playing over the campus wide speakers. At night, we could hear students practicing the local music, and well as dancers in traditional Xinjiang costumes.

While I find it is sometimes very easy to draw conclusions about China or the Chinese, Xinjiang gave me a sort of soothing antidote to this stereotype. The women are beautiful and soft, and extend a visible sort of care to their children and husbands. The men appear as each having a distinct look to them, and can often be seen wearing the traditional minority hat and longer Muslim robe. And the families that we were able to visit, there wasn’t a sort of obligation behind their hospitality. They lived simply and seemingly wanted to share what they had with us.

Being able to meet the childhood friends of Nancy was also very meaningful. Xinjiang people are known to be VERY generous. And that they were. While we were only there for about 6 days, we were treated for various lunches and dinners everyday. We were fed traditional foods from almost all regions of China. One night in particular, we found ourselves in a beautiful, private traditional Chinese room, where we were served every food under the sun. We were also served every type of alcohol under the sun. At times, Jacinda and I felt a lot of pressure because if we didn’t cheers with our host, and drink the ever potent Chinese “bai-jo” – it is said we would offend our hosts. After a somewhat messy and funny ending to our evening, I knew Xinjiang was as generous as its reputation proceeded.

Having my friend Jacinda come to the other side of the world, and see what I do over here and getting to experience it together was so memorable. I love stretching my legs in this country. Seeing the many aspects of it’s land, it’s people, and its beauty is so refreshing.

What an awesome trip that was. Being able to experience it with two wonderful friends was even more awesome.

thinking about mothers...

Almost one year ago the big earthquake happened in Sichuan province (May 12, 2008). I'm just watching on the news now of couples and families that have tried to re-build their lives. The CCTV news crew interviewed a couple who got married today and was taking pictures in front of their home, well, what is left of their home. It was mostly destroyed last year. Some mother's are about to give birth and some are remembering loosing their children this time last year. Other school aged children were sent to Guangdong province to continue school, as theirs was destroyed. Make-shift communities have been set up - and people are living with just the bare necessities. When I was watching the look on people's faces...hope was the most evident expression.  I couldn't take my eyes off their beautiful faces.

One thing that particularly struck me was watching a group of mothers getting to see their children via video from their schools in Guangdong province, and tears filled their eyes as they said, "Mommy is so proud of you, you will soon be able to return to your school here and we can be together."

I remember hearing a story last year about a young mother who lost both her children in the quake. As one was still a new born, this was absolutely heartbreaking. At the time, there were also a number of young ones who had lost their parents. What made this woman remarkable is that she ended up breast feeding a number of these parentless children. This, to me, epitomizes the heart of the Chinese character. Soley thinking of the needs of others before their own. I guess I think especially think of mother's doing this for their children.

In the midst of loosing your own children, but giving yourself to other children, I guess makes me think about the deep love of a mother. China has really brought this to my attention. One thing I am just starting to understand about Chinese culture is how deeply they respect and love their mother. Children's connection to their mother is very strong, remaining into adulthood. She is a kind of life force in the family. In traditional culture, songs and dances have been composed for the sole purpose of honoring mothers. I think we have some what lost this kind of reverence for our mothers in Western society.

It is Mother's Day...and I miss my mom. My relationship with her has changed over the last few years. I see her as a person now, with vulnerability and beauty. I'm so proud of her for supporting me in my dream of living in other countries.

Happy Mother's Day to the beautiful, vibrant, and talented women who give us life.

 

wait for it...

One of my best friends is coming to visit me in 5 days. I'm so excited. Just the thought of hugging her at the airport makes me tear up. Why does time seem to go so slow when you are in such anticipation? Is this some kind of joke the universe plays on us? Because its not funny. It's cruel. Can she just get here already?

subway music

Every night when I walk home from work, and I make my way to the subway station, there are always the same buskers there to seemingly greet me. There is a young Chinese guy in a wheelchair and his friend on the guitar. Singing as the commuters walk on by.

One thing I love about subway stations is they usually lend themselves to great acoustics. I look forward to seeing the two of these guys sing together. They bring a sort of perspective in the rush of people that pass quickly by. When they sing, its like time slows down for a while.

Over the last few days however, I've noticed the guitarist hasn't been there. Just leaving his friend singing solo. I quietly admire him as I walk by most nights. Its quite brilliant actually. He has this kind of trusting, unwavering voice you somehow feel comforted by. Although I'm not a huge fan of Chinese pop music, his voice could potentially help it to grow on me.

I just wonder where his friend went. I hope he didn't change stations. I'm starting to miss his sweet music. Once I turn the corner into the station, I'm always looking to see if they are there. 

beauty in the breakdown

So, these past few weeks, countless things have seemingly gone wrong. Now, its often not the big things that cause me stress. Funny, the big things I usually interrpret as situations that are teaching me something. It also got me to thinking - why is it that I end up doing the big things really well and the small thing cause me to lie awake in the middle of the night.

This list of small things include:

1. my phone apparently not recieving or getting calls for about 5 days

2. a car alarm going off outside my window at 4am for 2 hrs, getting very little sleep

3. a night club opening up tonight outside my apartment

4. loosing my apartment keys for a day, stressing out thinking someone was going to break into my place

5. a window cleaner suddenly appearing outside my bedroom window at 8am.

6. having a mis-communication with someone

7.coming home to water on my floor due to my water machine deciding to leak while I was away at work

8. someone laughing at me and pointing on the street

(Funny, when I see them written like this, they don't look all that bad)

This was enough to get me to thinking...did the world just decide to open up the clouds and bring an epic amount of small frustrations? for an entire two weeks?

I don't know. They could all be random, and its quite probable they were not all directed at me nor could I really control these from happening.

 As I am currently still listening to the bass of the night club outside my window, I'm beginning to bob my head. I also cleared up the miscommunication today, which actually turned out not to be a big deal. I'm also recalling that the water machine didn't really do any big damage in the first place and my lost key was also because I simply left it in a strange place. 

This week in my classes, one of the topics was on living abroad. I recalled the lesson and remember telling the students, "You have to see living abroad as being like a big experiment. There are many unknowns, and many things you can't control, but its all about how your respond to those unknowns." Turns out, I taught myself this very piece of advice tonight. Why do I run away with myself sometimes? I have chosen this life for myself, and I think of the good that has far outweighed the bad these last couple weeks:

1. talked with one of my best friends on the phone for over an hr.

2. told a student she was capable of being something more.

3. laughing until my sides hurt

4. seeing past someone's words, and understanding their heart.

5. playing the keyboard at my church, and falling in love with God all over again

6. having a few good workouts at the gym

7. having a really encouraging Chinese teacher

8. working out travel plansof when Cinda comes to China in a few days

9. forgiving something I had held onto for a long time

10. singing at the top of my lungs in the morning yesterday.

This country always teaches me lessons. Sometimes the ones that are painful to learn, and others that bring a quiet smile and a reassuring confidence. With each lesson, I'm learning to continually not take anything for granted. Wanting to listen for that moment I take in something important or am reminded of what was there in the first place. I'm remembering too that the reason I am living away from home, is so that my faith can be increased and my own cares and worries are eclipsed by something greater.

So if I loose my keys again, or the water decides to leak...I will just shake me head, and laugh quietly to myself. I live a life fully my own, and that makes all things an adventure, some things unknown, and others worth writing about.

surprising resurrection...

Yesterday was Easter. I was reminded by a friend about how Easter is like swimming in a big fountain. Splashing around like children, dipping our heads in the cool water, and being made clean. What a wonderful image to worship by.

Since living away from home these past few years, I have been challenged to re-define my spirituality and look at how I observe Christian holidays. Easter seemed to come as a surprise this year. To be honest, I sort of forgot it was happening, and a week before on Palm Sunday, I remembered Easter was coming. While I felt disappointed with myself, I was immediately reminded that Jesus arrival was surprising. He came to Jerusalem on a donkey and I'm sure he caught many people off-guard. Not to mention his surprising resurrection!

Easter this year reminded me that I need to look for Him and wait on Him. The beautiful part of this is that He surprises us in ways we never expect. I go to an amazing church here in Beijing. Its a church for foreigners like myself. This in itself brings a sort of unique community that I have never been apart of. The night before church on Sunday, I had a song in my heart and I felt like I needed to share it with my congregation. While I was scared to ask, the next morning at church, one of the music leaders asked me to sing from the piano. I still don't understand why I get put in these positions, but somehow God continues to speak and move in ways I will never understand. He finds me wherever I am in this world.

Knowing this, my days are shaped differently now. I find myself living in anticipating from one moment to the next. Wondering what I will learn about His character and His plans for my life.

Here are the words from the song that was on my heart:

Elohim – the Creator

Jehovah Shammah – the Lord is there

My Master – Addonai

El Elyon – the God Most High

Yahweh – You are the Lord

Jehovah Raah – My Shepherd

Mekkodishkem – Who Sanctifies you

The Lord our Righteousness – Jehovah Tsidkenu

Worthy is your name

Worthy of all my praise

El Roi – the God Who sees

You are my banner – Jehovah Nissi

The All-Sufficient One – El Shaddai

Jehovah Jirah – You will provide

Rapha – The Lord Who Heals

Shalom – You are my Peace

The Lord of Hosts – Jehovah Sabaoth

El Olam – The Everlasting God

Words and Music by Laurell Hubick © 2004 Nectar Publishing (SOCAN)

www.laurell.ca

these are the things that i miss...

This past week, I had the great pleasure of seeing a good friend of mine who I had not seen in the past 5 years.  We met working in the mountains of Canada during university, and since both of us ended up being in relatively same corner of the world at this point in our lives, she decided to hop on over to see me. I remember saying goodbye to her 5 years ago, and having this peace that even if we didn't see each other for a while, we would be seeing each other again in the future. I never knew that it would be in China!

You know, there are certain people in our lives, who even if we haven't seen them in a long time, we can just pick up where we left off? My friend is one of those people. We had so many things to catch up on and in the short time we spent together, and all the coffees we had, it was as if no time had passed. We talked about jobs we've had, people we'd met, places we had traveled, and experiences we had. We laughed until our sides hurt, cried a little, walked around the streets of beijing, and talked until our mouths were dry and needed yet another coffee.

I remember the summer we worked together, and both of us had similar ambitions and dreams about what we wanted to do in our lives. I felt so proud of both of us, in a way, that we are doing the things we have always wanted to do. So many of my experiences here, I feel like I'm constantly trying to absorb and take in everything and don't have alot of chances to output them. My friend and I hashed out ideas about the cultures we have come in contact with, exchanged ideas, shared in the struggles we have had, and the new realizations that have come about. 

I was 21 the time I met her. Now being 26, I feel like both of us had grown, and are becoming the women we want to be. Its really strange to me how 5 years in your 20's seems to be such a leap. You find out so much about yourself and in ways you never thought you would. At 21, I saw myself finishing my undergrad, going onto my masters degree and finding a stable job. I never thought that I would be living in Beijing, China. Still travelling, enjoying teaching and discovering as much as I can about...well...whatever comes my way. While continuing with school is something that is still a goal of mine, my friend reminded me, "Jane, you will do it. You can do whatever you put your mind to. I believe you."

So good to hear these words. 

My friend's visit couldn't have been timed more perfectly. I'm learning to pay attention more to these moments, where timing is so evident. Where the people we love say the things we need them to and life continues to unfold as it does.

the epic internet adventure

I'm sitting in my apartment, internet in my hands, and I sigh of relief. I can now talk to my family and friends again without any restrictions. I am opening a bottle of wine to celebrate. Everything is back to normal, well, as normal as I can feel in China. The steps up until this point have been seemingly epic. My lack-of-internetness became not only about getting connected, it started to become all consuming. While living on my own now, I have had to muster everything in me to keep my cool and realize that this too is a part of my experience in China. I just wanted to share with you my agony, and my sheer joy over these past couple weeks...

1. I first contacted my agent to let her know the internet wasn't working a week after moving into my apartment. I was still in the honeymoon phase. Loving my place and putting the finishing touches everywhere.

2. I waited for 3 days to hear from her. No response.

3. she later informed me that I had to go to the basement of the apartment building to collect this mysterious phone in order to connect to the internet. I walked down 2 flights of stairs in the dark, into a room with no windows, where I somehow managed to communicate in my broken Chinese, that I needed this phone.

4. I cam back to my apartment, i tried to connect, and I was soon becoming familiar with the pop up message - error. These 5 letters eventually caused me more anxiety that I can shake a stick at.

5. my agent came to the apartment over the next few days, and after 2 hrs of calling random internet companies, we contacted one who was actually willing to come to help us within 24hrs. She had called so many numbers, that after a while, she dialed my number, I answered, she spoke in Chinese, and we realized we were at our last straw.

6. the next morning, at 8:30am, I get a knock at my door. The internet guys. Now, I can't speak very good Chinese, and they couldn't speak any English, nor could they read the error messages on my computer. After then realizing that my modem was in-operable, and they could not do anything, I called my real estate agent again and again. I almost lost it altogether. Then, after getting ahold of her, she called the landlord to get a new modem.

7. The next day, everyone and his dog came to my apartment to drop off this modem

8. Wait for it...

9. The internet was still - dare I say it? - not-freaking-working. I went to bed that night and had a dream...ahem...nightmare about my freaking internet. I dreamt the error message kept attacking me.

10. I began to pray the next morning...

11. I get a call from my parents, I start to cry. So frustrated at this point. The internet was becoming my worst enemy.

12. I go to work, mention I'm having problems with my internet to a student who happens to be a computer engineer (thank you very much!), and he happily told me to bring in my computer to school and he would configure it. I love "guanxi" in China (relationships)

13. I woke up the next day, thinking about my internet, dreading yet another day without it. By this point, my internet just wasn't about keeping in touch with the world, it was about doing everything in my power and mustering every skill that I had in order to see this through. My dear student Ivan took a couple hrs in a classroom with my computer, said it should be working fine. Still a bit skeptical that this would actually work, I told him that I owed him a big cup of milk tea the next day.

14. I came home, opened up my computer, plugged it in, held my breath, closed my eyes...

15. and...

16. it worked. it works.

17. I poured myself a glass of wine, and am now pleasantly surfing the internet once again.

Everything is as it should be. I am in heaven. Cyber-space heaven.

Sometimes, I'm too passionate. I need to calm down, or take it down a notch.

I had this ambitious plan this morning about exploring some Beijing hutongs (old alleyways with unique architecture), and taking pictures to my hearts content. But after going to the gym, making myself some lunch, I ended up just getting a massage instead. Turns out, that is what I actually needed. 

I do feel, however, a little disappointed in myself. That is not really like me...to just bypass a creative venture like that. Especially when these were the first days off when I actually didn't have to do anything related to unpacking boxes or buying something for my apartment. I think my body was just saying "rest".

I'm glad I did. Now, I'm in a coffee shop, just catching up on emails, talking to a friend, and playing with pictures. I feel like I caught up with myself, in a sense. And, its ok. Today was a restful day. Looking forward to my next weekend though, when I'm going to do some serious exploring. The atmosphere here in Beijing really demands exploration.

ready and waiting

Wow, these past two weeks have been a total whirl-wind. I can't believe all that has happened. I've moved into my apartment, sorting out the details of my job, meeting people left right and centre, and attempting to adjust to life in this fast paced city. There are some things I have learned about myself in this process:

1. I am completely comfortable living on my own. I think I avoided this for so long because I was afraid of the "l" word: loneliness. But, turns out that I feel more like myself. I can create the kind of space that I desire, and be totally free. I don't know why I really avoided this before.

2. I'm still a little paranoid. Hearing sounds, creeks, or smelling foreign smells in my apartment makes me antsy. Especially when I don't have anyone to ask them about, or sus things out with. I'm learning though that a little paranoia is a healthy thing. At least, I'm trying to convince myself it is

3. I have become strangely more responsible in the last 2 weeks. I'm starting to take vitamins (weird), clean up after myself, and cook...actually cook.

4. I LOVE to walk. I could walk hrs in this city and not be tired. I walked to the train station this morning, and I loved the view from every direction. Beijing is a city of amazing architecture and interesting alleyways, and I want to see them all.

5. There is a fruit vendor down the street, and just seeing his children makes me want to buy more fruit and give it to them.

6. I finally am able to articulate to myself that I see life as possibility, and not as drudgery.

7. I have the best friends and family in the world, that no matter where I am in the world, they support me and ask me how I am doing, and we manage to stay in each others life.

8. Having my own apartment has been the best thing ever for me.

I can't wait to see what this next year has in store. I finally feel settled, ready and waiting.
Beijing, here I am. God, here I am.

keys in my hand and goin with the season...

Today, I signed the contract for my very own apartment. And, I now I have the keys in my hand. Literally, no confusion, no frustration, some anxiety, but more excitement.

I'm learning there is no need to complicate, but to just go with the season I am in , and be strong, and enjoy the new experience of living on my own. 

Now, I'm just brainstorming the first thing I want to do when I move in.

one rooftop and invitation

one rooftop and invitation, originally uploaded by blue.eyed.girl.

a brand new day: finding my very own apartment

Joshua Radin says it perfectly in his song "Brand New Day"

It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Today, I found my apartment. After going back and forth in the same area of Beijing, and beginning to become extreemely skeptical that I would find anything in the next couple days, I made one last call. Little did I know this call would lead to my finding an apartment! As my agent and I made our way from the subway, just a short 7 minute walk, I looked around and knew that I would like this area of the city (Shaungling)  - a few supermarkets, a shopping mall close by, a gym, a fruit stand and a hospital across the street from my building.

After I walked into the apartment, I seemed to instantly feel that this was the place for me. It felt open and bright as soon as you walk in. This one bedroom, one living room place has large windows, lots of storage space, and just a generally good feel! I wish I could somehow describe it better. Being this was the first place that I was finding just for myself, I wanted it to have the feeling of being home and a place that expressed who I am. I felt this as soon as I peeked my head in the door.

I feel excited and scared all at once. Like I have stepped into something that I know will again change my life. I'm excited to have friends stay over, and to have my parents come to stay there in a few months, to put up my photography, to find a place for my keyboard and to go to my new church just a few stops away. This place represents something for me. I guess I will be finding out this "something" along the way as I beging my life in Beijing.

Tommorrow, I have my first day at my brand new school. Looking forward to meeting new students and new faces!

After a few frustrations last night, and sending a few emails, and looking on thebeijinger.com, I got about 3 phone calls this morning to look at more places. I'm even getting picked up from my hotel to look at the apartments. This feels much better and I feel like I'm getting to see more of what I am looking for.

This is so consuming in everyway. But, the day is looking better.

apartment hunting in beijing

Started apartment hunting yesterday in Beijing. And while my real estate agent didn't make such a great impression over the phone, I told myself that I might be just a culture difference thing, so I met her and we went to our first few locations.

1st apartment - Just a few stops from my school, the location was great. With some amazing restraunts, a starbucks, and this amazing Chinese style college close by. My agent and I met a rather talkative friend of hers to show us the place. Just a short walk from the station, I thought it was going to be a gooder. We arrived to what looked like a jail. A jail. I said to myself, ok, we will just take a look. Walked inside to steel and piping everywhere, and while I convinced myself that it was just the outside, I was wrong. The apartment was a dive. An absolute dive. Think of your first single college dorm room, make it smaller, more ugly and dirty...and then you have that apartment. A bed, a sink, and well, that was pretty much it. I said to my agent, "Ok, next apartment."

2nd apartment - was in the same area, just a little further away from the station. Alot further! So much so that I would need to get a bicycle to get there (but, that is actually ok with me. I miss riding a bike!) This time, it was in more of a community. The building itself seemed very Chinese - bicycles parked out front, no elevator, little lighting in the hallways and just a general run-down quality to the place...I started to become skeptical. After going to the 11th floor, and the agent attempting to open the door about 3 times, we made our way inside. This time, there was an actual bedroom and living room. While a little dirty, it was ok. But, I kept thinking to myself, "Would l want to show my parents this?." I could imagine myself cringing, and holding my breathe and hesitantly saying, "So, uh, mom and dad, I'm sorry, but this is my apartment." That was enough to make me move on to the next one.

3rd apartment - Even further from the the station, but I was optimistic that things might turn out better. This time, the building was in good condition. Security guard and lots of trees around. We walked into the apartment and I was pleasantly surprised. A good size living room with nice furniture, and further down were a pair of sliding doors into the bedroom, and the kitchen then was on the enclosed balcony. While the bathroom had alot of pipes sticking out and some of the walls were a little rusted, this was the first one that was actually liveable. So, I said I would think about it.

4th apartment - this one was close to the train station. Literally 2 minutes on foot! While the area seemed more quiet, with seemingly not too many restraunts around, the building itself was really nice. Marble floors in the hallways, and security guards, and well-lit hallways, I thought this might be a good option. I walked into the apartment with the agent, and was pleasantly surprised. It was a studio (which I am not really keen on), but so spacious! Nice wood flooring, large windows at the back, good living area with nice tv and storage units. And the bed on the opposite side (which I would probably buy a divider or something to separte the bed area and living room). And kitchen is rather spacious. I had my doubts about studios, because I don't like sleeping in the same room I eat in. But, this apartment changed my mind. So big and lots of room to move things around. Another bonus - there is a small gym at the bottom of the building and a supermarket. I have to think about this one. The apartment itself is really beautiful, but I'm not sure what is around the area. I want to be close to restraunts, cafes and other things like that.

What is also making this process a little uneasy for me is my agent. Not really sure about her. She doesn't seem to have alot of knowledge about the places we are visiting. She said we would go looking for more today, but she wasn't able to find anymore that were in my price range (and my range is not unreasonable!). I'm just too darn trusting alot of the times. I need to be more aggressive with this. I'm getting a little anxious. I just called another agent and he is looking for me.

 I just need to remind myself that it was only my first day. And, I have time to do this, so I shouldn't rush myself. I feel proud of myself in a way, keeping my wits about me and staying level headed. This time last year, finding an apartment in China seemed so daunting. Not really having any perspective on Chinese culture or society also made the process even more challenging. This time round, I know what I want.

I just know that somewhere there is an apartment in Beijing with my name on it. Just waiting for me. Finding an apartment completely for me, I'm realizing, is not just about a place to live, but its going to be my space. Just for me.

It feels good to write about this. To hear myself think. more to come...

beijing, day two: random acts of kindness

Today, I got on the subway to go to one of the centres to figure out some logistics about my school and contract. I got out at what I thought was the correct station, and I soon discovered I was lost in the middle of Beijing. I managed to hail down a taxi and got my TLC rep to speak to him in Chinese for me. I was on my way.

I heard something interesting about Beijing taxi drivers before I came here. Sujis (or taxi drivers) in Guangzhou only seem to care about getting to the destination and doing so in a way that can make them the most money. In Beijing, I've heard that taxi drivers will start up a conversation with you, ask you where you are from or talk about Chinese culture or something. Indeed, I soon discoved this is in fact true.

Later introducing him self as "Charlie", he was asking me how long I had been in Beijing and why I am in China. He told me he had never seen Canadian money before, so I gave him a toonie and he was obviously enthralled with it. I told him I love Beijing and I already have such a good impression of the people and the city. He told me the only thing he really knew about Canada was from hearing in school about a Canadian, Dr.Norman Bethune, who came to China in 1938 during the war and performed emergency surgery in the battlefields, and trained doctors and nurses. For many Chinese people, he is a hero. I told him I heard his name before and was happy that he thinks so highly of my country.

As I got out of the taxi, I asked him how much, and as I reached my hand into my purse, he exclaimed, "No.No.No. Don't worry about it!" I told him that I couldn't do that, I would feel too bad. He said, "It was nice to meet you, and welcome to Beijing!" He then extended his business card to me - including his Chinese name, his job title, and randomly his brother's phone number. On the back of the card it reads: 

"I love peace. I love life and I love you all. It will be my biggest pleasure to show you a real Beijing. Enjoy your trip to China from a good taxi ride."

I seriously don't get it. What is going on that I have these random acts of kindness? I can't believe it. So far, everything is going so well. 

I will be apartment hunting tommorrow with a local agent here. I'm really curious to see apartments here. I wonder what an adventure this alone will be. 

...

The night I left Guangzhou, there is something I will remember forever. I wanted to share it with you.

As the night of my goodbye party came to a close, and there were just myself and a few students left, I sat with them and we talked and enjoyed our last few moments together. These people were my first impression of China and the Chinese. They helped me to become a better teacher, and a better person. I felt so sad to be leaving another group of great students.

 As we got up to leave, we asked the bar staff to take a picture of us. As I was standing there with just 10 students, one of them reached out to hug me. I felt her starting to cry. These students who I now consider my friends, all started to crowd around and put their arms around us. It was quite a strange sight, in the middle of a practically empty bar. We laughed, and told each other that this year has been so memorable. I told them that they make my job so meaningful and wonderful. One of them then said so heartfeltly, "Jane, you are the best wonderful."

We all burst out laughing with joy, while she then questioned, "What, is my grammar not correct?" We assured her that she said what was in her heart.

I guess for people who are in a teaching role, we never really know the kind of impact we have on students. We just try to do our job and have fun. On the flip side, I don't think students know the kind of imact they have on us. I try to carry that with me wherever I go.

beijing, day one.

Last night, as I said goodbye to the students and friends who I have met this past year in Guangzhou, I was reminded of how lucky I feel to be doing what I am doing and meeting the people I am meeting. As I sit here in a warm scarf I got as a gift, in my hotel room in Beijing, I'm so excited to be on a new adventure in the capital city of China!

I was welcomed to Beijing by a fresh zero degrees, and met a rep from my company to take me to my hotel. The city looks different from when I saw it back in November, with no leaves on the trees. An almost bleakness in the air. Beijing is known to take on this quality in winter. Still, there are characterisitics of this city that I think can surpass even the bleakest of winters. The old streets, the bicycles, the people walking the streets.

 As I hopped in the van with all my luggage, I looked out the window to see a low, red sun in the distance, and locals riding bicycles. The hotel even invites a kind of image of what Beijing is for me. From the outside, its almost temple-like. Inside, is a courtyard, with a restraunt with glass walls, and my room has a giant king size bed with Chinese style architecture.

I'm on my own again. This time more confident, even more excited for the adventures that lay around the corner. Speaking of which, I venture out to grab a bite to eat tonight and to explore Hutong (famous alley ways in Beijing.), and a local Beijinger elderly man grabs my attention and asks me where I'm from. With my broken Chinese, I tell him I'm a teacher, and am from Canada. I ask him where I could get something to eat, and this guy not only takes me to a fantastic local restraunt, but he pays for my dumplings. 

Now, having been in the south of China for the past year, I felt myself growing skeptical of help a stranger would give me on the street (in Japan, I never felt that way, but China has somehow increased my suspiciousness. Don't know if I like that). It was so refreshing and welcoming to have a local show me a restraunt.

As I walked back to my hotel, along the hutong streets, I had this feeling. A quiet expectation that this will be a year like no other. The next few days will be filled with apartment hunting, meeting my new coworkers and staying bundled up.

in between cities...

Recently, I have had some interesting comments said to me. Comments that I don't know how to respond to:

"So, when are you going to settle down?"

"Jane, it seems like you can't live in a place for a long time."

I am 26 years old. I'm young. I am a traveler. I am an artist. I am proud of my life. I want to continue to paint my life. To make music. To document it. I'm proud of  the things I am doing, the places I am going, the people I'm meeting and the experiences I'm having. I recently heard a quote in a movie saying, "How can you expect to simply live an ordinary life?"

How can I simply expect to live an ordinary life? I want to live life consciously. Eyes wide open. As I'm going to be moving to Beijing in just under a week, I think about what sort of experiences I will have there. How my life will change yet again. And I think, how can I not seize a new experience like this? How can I not challenge myself to new heights? Sometimes I do think I'm a little crazy for trying all these new things, but I think its others who make me feel this way. But, the most important voice I have learned to listen to is my own. 

In the midst of boxes, last minute details, waiting for my new visa and passport, spending time with friends in Guangzhou, working the last 2 days at my school, and eventually getting on yet another plane ride, everything begins to come into perspective.

I'm so excited to move to Beijing. The city I fell in love with in just the 5 days I visited there. I knew that part of my experience in China is to LOVE where I am living. And while I love my friends in Guangzhou so much, and my work, but not alot about the city has grabbed me to want to stay here. I've learned that living abroad is not about settling, its about seeking. Seeking some new insight. Learning new things and listening to what my experiences tell me.

So, my responses to those 2 comments,

"When the right person finds me."

"Yes, the travel bug has bit me. And, I love that."

I've decided to do a little something more with my photography these days. I will be posting on a new website now, so you can go to take a look. I will be updating this more regularly, so you can go to take a look if you like.

As I was going through my pictures from the past couple years, I realized how much I have loved traveling to the places I have and the best part is I love sharing it with people.

So, take a look, and I hope you enjoy this collection of my photos.

Click here!

You can also go to the side bar and click "my photography".

Thanks to everyone who keeps coming back and visiting my site. I'm happy to share my thoughts with you. 

pages

I looked at my passport today. Flipped through the pages. And not a page was blank. Everyone last one of them - full. Full of stamps, holiday or working visas, dates of passing through cities and countries, and stories. As I flipped through these well travelled pages, I was at first stressed because I knew that I a. needed to get a new passport or b. fill it with more pages. But, now I see what a divine problem this actually is.

My passport is full. These pages have told a story to me about who I am, where I have been and where I am going. If I need to get a new passport, I think I would actually be a little sad, knowing I would have to part with it. This book has gotten me into countries, gotten me out of problems, and gotten me into problems, and has been a kind of identity while being away. I would much rather fill it will more pages, more pages to be filled and stamped. I made it in and out of Spain and Morrocco safely on this passport, almost left it behind once in Japan, got it wet a couple times, took it through the jungle of customs at the Vietnam border and gave it to authorities when I first arrived in China.

Tommorrw, I have to go to the Canadian Embassy in Guangzhou to decide what needs to be done with it, as a new visa will soon need to go in there. I hope that I can keep it and continue adding to the story.

Does your passport say anything about you?

leaving...

I'm at the airport now, waiting for my flight back to China.  I always hate these days. Having to say good bye to my family for the nth time never gets any easier. There is a part of me that always tries to cling to my parents, and I never want to let go. As I am trying to hide behind my laptop, and attempting to fight back big fat tears, I hear these lyrics in my ears...

"You are the hope living in us

You are the rock in whom we trust."

I am realizing that this whole experience will always be bigger than me. It will always be more than I can take in. And, I know that I feel His calling in what I am doing.

As I soon take off, I think of all the people in my life who support me, encourage me and challenge me.

So, as I continue to wait for my flight, I realize I am not alone. Now, I can't help but feel tears fall down my cheeks. For everything that has been, everything that is, and everything that will be as this grand adventure continues.

clay

No more putting things on hold. No more of this. I just want to seize everything that life has in store. I want to discover it all. I want to breathe it in. I want to not just say, but do. I want to re-arrange. I want to re-prioritize. I want to re-group. I want to understand better. I want to be more than I am. I want to recognize I am more than I am. No more "someday"...no more "one day" no more, "I wish". I want to make these things happen. I want to actually DO the things that other just read about in books. When I think, I want to be able to just hear my own thoughts. When I speak, I want to hear thoughtfulness. I want greater things. I want to see more of the world. I want to participate in its changing and it's shifting, and its stillness. I want to know more. I want to read more. I want to play more. I want to create more. I want to soak more. I want to listen better. To respond appropriately. To understand people exactly for who they are. I want to take care of myself better. I want to take care of others better. I want to grow. I want to be challenged. I want to be taught by other cultures. I want to un-learn taken for granted values. I want my life to be shaped by God. I want to be clay. I am clay. I am clay. I am clay...